Penny foolish pound mad.

It has suddenly dawned on some of our politicians in Delhi that they
are being wasteful. Gee! What a relief!

The last few times Tamilnadu Deputy Chief Minister Stalin visited a
little town called Erode in Tamilnadu, streets were decorated with
tube lights for kilometres, while the ordinary residents of the town
have had to endure a daily two hour power cut for a long time, and
posters and cut outs of enormous size and variety were on display all
along the route he travelled in. Traffic was diverted from the
arterial roads onto little roads that led to jams and delays and an
enormous loss of productivity resulted for the whole town! We can
safely estimate total losses and wasted expenditure to be no less than
Rs. 10 lakhs. This is just one day in the life of one of our
politicians who is not even a heavy hitter on the national scene.

We can also safely assume that Stalin alone has at the very least
fifty such days in a year, and so we're burning Rs. 5 crore for
absolutely nothing gained. (He doesn't even say anything profound or
accidentally drop any pearls of wisdom). Let's look at 25 states and
assume that only one politician in each state burns money like this,
even though there must be a much higher number out there. That's 125
crores burnt for nothing. The last elections cost an estimated Rs.
10,000 crore. Mayawati's beautification fiasco runs into figures well
over Rs. 100 crore. while she is begging for money from the centre to
fight drought.

But, we've got to have AUSTERITY! Hooray! SM Krishna decides to
travel economy on his trip to Belarus and Turkmenistan, going abroad
with only 3 members not 12. I suppose with an air ticket to Belarus
costing about Rs. 40,000 at the most, that saves the government about
Rs. 4.5 lakhs! Consider that a fair amount of this money could have
gone to the beleaguered Air India, which is really money going from
one pocket of the government to another, and it is essentially nothing
saved.

Who are we kidding here with this Austerity Drive? Today we have
Sonia Gandhi travelling economy class on Air India. According to CNN
IBN's own estimate, the total saving, including having to reserve 15
seats, keeping the seat next to her free, and all the other nonsense
that goes with her travel, the total savings is Rs. 10,000! The
Special Protection Group just makes sure they add to every travel
expense of every politician at this level. Again, when she is
travelling Air India, isn't this government to government billing?
What the heck is all the fuss about?

Fundamentally, with all the nonsense about India being an IT power, it
should be relatively easy to set up a robust video conferencing
facility between anyone and anyone else in the world today. Throw in
encryption and you have privacy, secrecy if you like to call it that.
So, why should anybody travel at all for a stupid face to face meeting
with anyone else? Isn't this the question that we should be asking at
this juncture?

If companies can carry on regular year round business using the
internet, why can't our politicians use these technologies for a few
days with each country? It will save an enormous amount of money by
completely eliminating all the fuss involved with VIP travel - flying,
hospitality, security, insurance, logistics, and medical emergency
arrangements.

Almost all our politicians have assets well beyond their legal means
of earning. Is there any austerity there? Absolutely not. For
example, there are corruption cases against Mulayam Singh Yadav and
Mayawati running into several crores of rupees. The figures allegedly
put away by some of our other politicians are staggering. No
austerity there. How else would we spend Rs. 10,000 crore on a single
election? That money is not even accounted for! So please, spare us
this hogwash about austerity. We want you monkeys to be efficient,
not austere. Get your butts off your cushions and get to work.

The Unique Idiot Detection Authority - all ours now!

Chairman, UID Authority, Nandan Nilekani, of Infosys fame, has just
announced that we are entering "uncharted territory" in technology,
and that it is a "technological challenge" to get the Unique ID scheme
working. What the f*** is this idiot talking about? And why isn't he
getting fired?
He spat all this to that other idiot Karan Thapar on TV - that we are
technologically challenged and going into uncharted territory in
collecting biometric information of a billion people and putting them
all in an online database. Karan Thapar for his part had to ask the
stupid question, "Isn't this a case of India's ambition outstripping
its ability?". Well, duh! Has our ability every outstripped our
ambition? Has anybody's? Nilekani assured us that this has never
been done before, and I wonder why he would be given the job if it
had. Where do we get these freaks from?
The "Uncharted territory" claim is a complete lie. Biometric
information is not some three hundred years into the future technology
in development and testing. The USA has been collecting it during
the visa process from every human applying for entry into the USA for
a few years now and storing it online for verification at the port of
entry. Two birds with one stone - collecting information is not such
a big deal, and putting it online for access from all over the world
is also not a big deal. There is a proven working model here! Even putting a probe on the moon was not uncharted territory!
How the heck can this be a technological challenge either? The process involves a retina scan, and a fingerprint scan, usually of the index finger. The chance of two people having the same
information is virtually non existent, and so this is considered very safe for
identification purposes. Once these two scraps of information go
into a database as THE identification parameters for ONE specific
person, it is accessible just like accessing your e mail, from
anywhere in the world. You cannot have two people with the same
information, and when you present your retina and your fingerprint
anywhere in the world, all we need to do is see if it matches the
information on file. That's it!
So that leaves us with numbers. If this works for millions of people,
why can't it work for a billion? Absolutely no reason it cannot.
Once we figured out how to lay a tar road from point A to point B,
would we really be stumped by having to connect point C? Probably
not. Once we figured out how to put a few sacks of rice in a truck
and send it out on one of these roads, would it be a challenge to fill
up a second truck with sugarcane and send it out? Probably not.
Ten people or ten billion people, same process. There are enough and
more places to store digital information these days and this won't
even take a fraction of the space Google offers free to its free e
mail users. Clearly, numbers and resources, no issues.
So, what is this idiot Nilekani talking about? Does he want this
merely time consuming process to sound like this is some breakthrough
pioneering invention in the making? He is either drunk or stupid on
this one. He can certainly be fired on the latter. If the Chairman
of such an ambitious and potentially crucial government program is so
out of sorts with even the most fundamental, layman expressions to
describe it, is this the best guy we could get for the job?
If a bunch of identification candidates closed their eyes during the retina scan, that
might be an issue, but that's hardly technological like Nikelani would
have us believe. Oh yes, this may really be a bit of a challenge if
one whole tribe of Indians doesn't have index fingers but we can
always agree to use the middle finger in that case. That wouldn't be
uncharted territory either.

We just went from marks to a grade system!

Wow! What a difference it must make to this girl's future!



Well done HR Ministry!

Getting the small things right.

How hard can it really be for the Indian Railways to decide where to receive complaints and suggestions from rail customers?

Do we have to make even the simplest things so confusing and confounding?


Here, take a closer look....

Which mob do you belong to?

Two days ago a mob in Ghaziabad went amok, torching vehicles and
causing mayhem, protesting against the illegal buildings they were
living in being demolished by government authorities. Apparently, the
buildings were built by goondas, no doubt with the active support of
the government, and people have been living there for over twelve
years. It has taken the government twelve years to take action, and
now, everything points to a stalemate since no judgement can really be
pronounced against people claiming innocence on top of inaction for
twelve long years! A stay order of some sort looms large.

Since we are so good at these "stay orders", is there any way we can
put a stay order on mobs? Every week, somewhere or the other in
India, we have groups of people quickly getting into the mob
mentality, burning, looting, breaking, destroying public and private
property. Why is this nation so fiendishly ready to get into the mob
mentality? At one end of the spectrum, we have a claim of making
progress, and on the other, mayhem.

Increasing in menace, increasing in proportions, and going largely
unmentioned as part of a shifting national consciousness, is this
increasingly volatile mentality ready for violence. The so called
free press of India has not even begun to pick up on this enormous
change of colour of the Indian psyche. Our holy ash has turned into
gunpowder and we're sitting on the biggest explosive keg in the world.

The reason for mob violence, is because we cannot, do not and should
not trust the law enforcement mechanism we have. The average
policeman in India is a physically unfit, mentally inferior, poorly
paid, corrupt, and incapable of dominating action in any demanding
situation. Much worse, they are just instruments of violence for
ruling parties in many states. Today a Magisterial investigation
found that the killing of one Ishrat Jehan in 2004 was a fake, staged
"encounter" and that it was a murder by the police, after kidnapping
the victim and others. We have set up a large, armed organization to
do the political mob's killing, called the Police Force.

We have never been groomed to trust the system we have in place. We
have a system in place, on paper. Our police forces are incredibly
corrupt and will simply take the side of whoever is willing to bribe
the most. It is that simple. This is not to say that every police
officer is corrupt, but the couple of thugs in khaki uniform who stop
you on a dark road asking you what business you have driving "so late
in the night" are very likely to be on a fishing expedition to keep
their paunches from shrinking, and one of them is highly unlikely to
be the smart Assistant Commissioner who passed the IPS and showed up
on TV as an earnest servant of country and community.

If you have a road accident, you're more than likely to have to deal
with a mob of Indians trying to mete out "justice", than be
professionally processed by the police department. If you took full
legal recourse to a dispute, you are more likely to be tried for your
stamina in dealing with the system than for your real crime, if any.

If your Air India plane catches fire, some government official is
likely to dismiss it as a "minor inconvenience" and even commend the
superb job done by the pilots (by not even noticing the fire until
passengers started yelling) and the cabin crew (who didn't even tell
people how to jump out of their emergency exits), and appreciate the
superb job done by every one of his staff in ensuring passengers
reached their destinations. (Never mind the eighteen people who were
injured in the process of putting up with these "minor
inconveniences")

The mob is everywhere, in various shapes and forms, waiting to bring
you down. Only if you "belong" to the mob that is India in some way,
can you get away with fewer tensions, even if you have to sell your
soul in the process. The mob is ready to get angry - against you if
you are too straight, with you if you are part of it.

We are getting stressed, negative, and a host of other things
including unhealthy, but at the bottom of it all, we are getting
angry. We're not yet awakened, because we have a culture of imagined
non-violence and an inability to let go of our customary apathy. We
have allowed our country to be eroded by corruption and ineffiency,
and we've slid into anarchy. Yes, we do indeed molest our women in
public and on TV, and we can see our policemen do nothing about it.
We don't throw rich and powerful people behind bars no matter what
crime they commit, and we definitely do not provide protection to the
average righteous citizen. In fact, we have everything in place to
make sure the average citizen cannot lead a righteous life.

Anger is one of those things that doesn't vanish with therapy. It
vanishes with retribution, with an outlet, with an explosive burning
out, and with some kind of triumph. Mobs form quickly when the
opportunity for a quick triumph is sensed. If we catch a thief, like
some people in Bengaluru did the other day not long ago, we are more
likely to thrash him to death rather than hand him over to the police.
All our anger can be unleashed upon a legitimate target without guilt
or fear of retribution. The government that provides us with lousy
infrastructure, terrible water supply, unreliable power supply, and a
quality control mechanism for food and healtcare that is not worth the
paper it is mandated on, doesn't have to deliver anything because we
are highly unlikely to form a mob against it and attack it.

The day we are ready to resort to violence, we will get the attention
we deserve. This isn't a call to incite violence, but a prediction
that such a day may not be far off. If this serves as a wake up call,
then I hope the sleepy heads that are taking home salaries without
doing their jobs and taking the bribes without shame are the ones that
are being warned. It won't be long before the whole of India becomes
one unruly mob.

We're always just one step away from joining a mob. It takes the
slightest persuasion for us to flare up situations in public that go
out of control. We know injustice and we know we are a part of it.
We hate it, but like many things Indian, we're not willing to change
first. Some students in Bihar burnt three coaches in a train recently
because one of them was physically abused by a policeman, allegedly
after refusing to vacate a seat he wrongly occupied. No matter what
the facts are, it takes some doing to burn three coaches of a train.
The wick is burning, and it won't be long before India explodes.

The other thing we are angry about is the prosperity some of our
countrymen are suddenly able to display. We're not appreciative of
the genuine opportunities that some sectors of the economy have thrown
up that have helped create wealth. We know we have also bred
indifference large scale by making some people very wealthy and a
large number incapable of even dreaming of such wealth. It is a
complete and total lie if India tries to project an image of inclusive
growth. Millions will never be part of the great India dream that
some of us have. The wealthy will continue to stay aloof and
insulated.

To the average Indian, India is a miserable country to function in.
It is impossible to lead a quiet, peaceful, productive life for most
of us. This is something to be ashamed of, despite the strong growth
numbers we trumpet. We are nothing but a mob in the making. This is
what angers me - the average righteous citizen of this country doesn't
even have a chance to be indifferent to the mess around him. We are
likely to be killed if we rise against the ruling government, and
there's likely to be no investigation.

India is not a non violent country. Let's get this fact straight.
Our gods and goddesses all have weapons and violence is very much
imbedded in our mentality. Gandhi is the huge abberration in our
mental make up canvas. At best we are passive aggressive, on the
edge, wannabe mobsters. Can anything be more humiliating about being
Indian? Or have we really accomplished something since independence
and nobody knows yet?

Below the hypocritical surface is the real culprit of all - our
illusions about ourselves. We haven't been told that we are a third
world country with a really bad, superstitious, backward attitude. We
haven't been told that we need to get up and put our trust in
knowledge, in truth and in putting our system to work. The terrible
governments we get are a direct result of our collective,
unquestioning slave mentality. We think we are a great people, with a
great culture, who have this amazing connection with God and nothing
can happen to us as a result of our apathy. This terrible country has
happened to us. Can anything be worse?

Ready to die for your leader, stupid?

SIXTY SEVEN people have died so far, many of them by suicide,
apparently grieving over the demise of Andhra Chief Minister YSR
Reddy. An appeal has gone out from higher political circles to the
surviving single cell organisms of Andhra Pradesh to not commit
suicide, and to remain calm.

Which would be a greater service to the nation - allowing markedly
inferior beings to burn themselves out, or preserving them for
breeding more stupidity? Who would commit suicide over the death of a
political leader? Obviously not someone who is rational, not someone
who is responsible, or level headed. You have to be a bit of a nut
case to take a decision like that. If your family gets bonus money
and they are willing to accept it, then there is no end to this
vicious cycle of stupidity - mad acts - compensation. If this
compensation comes from the government, then that must be a crime in
itself, for attempting to take one's life is in itself a crime, and to
have the taxpayer forcibly participate in a donation that pardons that
crime must be a double crime. Worth checking on.

From a position of power, I'd supply miles of rope, thousands of
litres of kerosene, and a copious amount of poison to those who want
to die, for whatever cause, especially to mourn the death of a
political leader. It would reduce the nation's burden, increase our
average IQ, make us more ecologically friendly, and maybe even sell
some television rights and earn some foreign exchange in the process.

Who in the world wouldn't want to watch live people burning, consuming
poison and retching, or hanging from nooses? A firing squad too,
wouldn't be such a waste of choice. I'm willing to bet our TV
channels are missing out on a concept or two for reality television.
How about a contest at a time like this - "Show your love for your
leader! Die Live on TV!". Get a sexy actress to serve colourful
chocolate coated gems of poison from her belly button and you have a
great show! Imagine raunch, retch, and death on the same screen at
the same time!

We have animals in this country that are simply denoted as humans by
the census. A modern nation has absolutely no necessity for these
organisms beyond that. I am now beginning to understand how some
invaders must have thought of forcibly "civilizing" places they
invaded. The Brits didn't succeed that much, but they gave us
something to think about. We have all kinds of pride attached to who
we were, but who we are gives us much to be ashamed about.

Now why are politicians not even going close to the subject of abject
stupidity that pervades our masses, particularly rural ones? Surely
it must be ripe for picking if there are that many dumbasses in our
villages. Surely there cannot be any opposition politician who dare
say, "Let them be stupid!" and get away with it. Are we not seeing
our country in the grip of a wave of stupidity? Is this so hard to
perceive?

Let's look at a singular moron who is willing to die by suicide over
the inconsolable grief caused by the death of his Chief Minister.
Apart from processing food and creating manure and carbon dioxide,
let's take a guess at his potential contribution to India. Is he
likely to be a hard working farmer? If yes, then we need him. But
then, a hard working farmer is unlikely to let his efforts go waste by
killing himself. So, we can rule that out. Could he have a job?
Potentially.

From initial reports, it seems possible that many of those who died
had benefited from YSR's policies, got freebies like medicare and
electricity, and are now suddenly without hope! How nice that there
are fewer people on the roll for these government services to which
budgets have already been earmarked. Good time for more government
programs to loot the taxpayer.

If there are programs to feed the poor and keep them healthy, and none
to get them to use their brains, come to think of it, we have about
the same interest in cattle don't we? If we do indeed treat them like
cattle, shouldn't they be able to ring a bell or something when they
want to die, and we can recruit them to be guinea pigs for tests in
laboratories? I'm sure there will be thrilling and entertaining
results when some of these morons are given shots of experimental
drugs!

India is running on a dangerously low level of common sense. We're on
fumes when it comes to intelligence, and unless we make a substantial
investment in rational thought and reasoning skills, the pursuit of
knowledge will be a thing of the past and building a modern nation
will constantly remain a part of our future, the distant future.

How expensive is winning?

Vijay Mallya's Force India team just secured its first pole position
in the Hungarian GP. Giancarlo Fisichella just turned that into a
first podium finish - 2nd place!! Anybody following this sport will
know what a significant achievement this is. Just a week ago, the
Sports Authority of India disallowed the entry of Formula One into
India as it is "not a sport"! One of the reasons cited was that there
was no benefit to Indian sports by paying 171 crores to the F1 body
every year. I wonder if Doordarshan's live telecast of a Kabaddi
match between junior teams of Chattisgarh and Patna would be a good
substitute. (Did you miss that toe biter? What a pity!)

Sports Minister MS Gill who is fast dropping out of credibility of any
sort in my view has called Formula One "expensive entertainment"!
Could anything be more expensive entertainment than Indian politics?
Ten thousand crore rupees spent on an election? You've got to be
joking! How many Formula One events can we have for that kind of
money, AND make it back! We're making nothing back from campaigns and
election expenses. But MS Gill has the gall to say the government is
more interested in human resources development and is staying away
from Formula One. Thank God for small mercies. Can you imagine a
compulsory entry for an Ambassador and an autorickshaw on a Formula
One circuit?

How many of us have the bravery to assume MS Gill would have done some
research and found out that Formula One is not only a huge spectator
sport, it is also heavily manpower intensive, and is the reason for
some of the greatest technological advances in automotive technology?
Does he even know how many Indian people watch F1 and how much money
we inevitably push out of the country each time a race is held? What
is wrong with India making some of it?

Does Gill realize how much of a gamble Mr. Mallya has taken to further
India's inclusion in a global sport? Does he have the awareness to
know how much effort goes into even showing up on the Formula One
grid? By passing such flippant remarks like "expensive
entertainment", he has shown nothing but ignorance about a sport that
is incredibly complex, dynamic in its demands, and does not guarantee
results for effort or resources poured in. It is enthralling in every
dimension, and no wonder it is way ahead of kabaddi. Aviation fuel is
expensive, so can we stop flying? Food is expensive, so can we stop
eating? What an idiot.

According to MS Gill, it appears the government wants "cheap
entertainment", which is duly provided by the lousy unathletic
grunting that goes on Doordarshan every now and then in the name of
sports. Golly, that must be cheap. You can usually tell by the
number of sponsors. Zero is never a good number. That simply means,
not even a cheap shampoo maker is interested in being a part of most
of the athletic events that go on all over India.

So, what human resources are we developing Mr. Gill? The Indian
football team won the Nehru Cup in a thrilling penalty shoot out last
evening. But we have a foreign coach. No Indian coach up until now
had really delivered, so what human resource were we developing for
all these years? It means, whoever had the job before Mr. Houghton
was just as clueless as he was when he was part of the losing team for
years before!

We have no business being choosy about which sport to develop.
Certain countries are good at certain sports, because they run with
whatever shows improvement. We cannot keep on whipping kabaddi and
gilli when our kids want to become archers, shooters and marathoners.
Again, no offence intended to our rural masses, but not many of those
jokers cut it. There is no phenomenal wealth of athletic talent in
India like in many African countries. We hate pain, and it takes an
ability to endure pain to excel in many athletic disciplines. But
more importantly, we need winners. Only winners make it worth it.

If Formula One necessarily has to make a contribution to Indian sports
- What kind of a contribution to Indian aviation has the Hindustan
Aeronautics Limited made? That one organization has bled our economy
to thousands of crores over the years, and not produced a single
aircraft for any of our airlines or our Air Force to purchase. So why
does it exist? We can easily say, "It is not a company"! The HAL
also imports millions of dollars worth of foreign components to fit
into its ridiculous prototypes. Is that worth anything?

What kind of morons are in decision making positions in our country?
Clearly there are two Indias - one that wants to run ahead and compete
with the best in the world, and another that is clueless, backward,
dogmatic, and government controlled. Those that work for government
in India are invariably incompetent, ill informed, and downright
stupid. They retard progress, stand in the way of the smallest
efficiencies and do not deserve anything but our most candid
untouchability.

People like MS Gill didn't do anything for the appearance of an
Abhinav Bindra or an MS Dhoni in the national sports limelight. And
yet, he has the gall to chastise Dhoni for not showing up at an awards
function. I'd definitely be less inclined towards attending a humdrum
awards function compared to ANYTHING. If Dhoni and Harbhajan Singh
had advertising commitments to keep, who cares? Good for them!
Chances are, their dates were fixed well before these government
functions.

We need to get more winners, Mr. Gill. It really isn't going to help
anybody's cause thinking in your retarded fashion. If we don't get
more winners up there, we won't have dreamers who want to emulate
them. And our winners deserve the fruits of their success. That is
precious and cannot ever be called "expensive" no matter what it
costs. In any case, it isn't your f*$#ing money, so get the f*$# out
of the way, please. Our tax money, however IS our money, so why is a
retard like you getting paid for being stupid? At the very least,
shut the f*$# up. (Any words you cannot decipher can be left out
without altering the meaning.)

Dhoni and Harbhajan Singh can afford to think objectively. Their
advertisements are worth a lot of money, their absence at an awards
function not. They made the natural choice. A Kapil Dev would have
been patriotic enough to give importance to the symbolism of
representing his country and receiving an honour from the government,
but not this generation of cricketers. God bless them for being
rational. Government needs to get its act together. They need to put
smart people in place, stop making stupid comments like "Formula One
is expensive entertainment", and stop providing cheap entertainment.

- BSK.