The Indian Premier League has been in the news like a rabid dog peeing all over the neighbourhood for the last few days. It hasn't spared one tree, pole, gate, wall, shrub or blade of grass. It is the same stench everywhere.
First and foremost, this is a test of integrity, and Lalit Modi, who was arrested in the USA for illegal possession of cocaine, isn't a shining beacon of hope on this front. So, let the shady bugger burn - who cares? Let's get this straight - he is no hero. He stole Kapil Dev's business model of the ICL, which was already successful, used the BCCI's lousy officialdom to shut the ICL down, took pride in being "ruthless", and blew up the IPL to where the ICL was rightfully headed. Now, in Karma's lovely way, he's getting it rammed up his lisping arse, and I couldn't be more gleeful. But this is all small snack.
The IT department has been busy "surveying" all the offices of the IPL franchises, as if the fools will find anything in two days that they didn't find in the last three years! We have heard of tax havens and overseas accounts and shady money being laundered through the system and a thousand different people coming under the scanner. For heavens sake, wouldn't the people smart enough to use tax havens in the first place be smart enough to answer all questions? For most part, the structures will be totally legal, just wait and watch. Nothing is going to shake the palace down, for it was already fortified to withstand tremors much bigger than this!
Where are the real questions? Where is the incisive analysis that can get us to the bottom of this veiled chaos?
We are asking questions on why there is so much "foreign money" coming into the IPL. Well, DUH! The auctions were all held in US Dollars, remember, dumbos? Surely, it won't be Sakthi Sugarcane Juice and Mouli's Fancy Shop investing millions of US Dollars! Ask the real question - this is the bloody INDIAN Premier League, and is supposed to be for Indian cricketers and Indian cricket lovers primarily, using OUR players, OUR infrastructure and OUR TV audiences to make money out of. So, why the fuck are the bids in US Dollars and not in Indian Rupees? Is our country's money not good enough for our own league? Where is the national pride in evaluating our worth in US Dollars?
Modi is the kind of rascal that will wag his tail as much as he is allowed to. Cut it, and he will whimper into a corner. Does his tail deserve to be cut? IF he has procured stakes in three franchisees on his behalf through his relatives, then there is a clear case of him owning a stake in the outcome of the matches those franchises play and therefore one can ask why he as IPL commissioner is so freaking happy when Rajasthan wins, or why he should cheer with SRK for Kolkata. Well, now we know. If the outcome of the games played by a few sides can actually bring benefits to Modi, that is a clear conflict of interest. In the absence of precise laws, however, this is something that won't send him to jail straightaway. The part that can make him look worse is how he never mentioned to anyone, even in the BCCI, that he would like to disclose that some friends and relatives of his would own shares in 3 franchises. Simple enough, and would have put him above suspicion, since he declared this potential prickly point.
It was Modi who negotiated the TV rights of the after game parties of the IPL for US$50million. That's a whopping amount of money and Kapil would not have done this. So, is this pure genius? Yes, but it is the genius of the hustler, not the caring entrepreneur. The difference is that the caring entrepreneur will wonder where to draw the line, and whether having all night parties is a good thing for the players and the game and the image that so many role models will project to the world. More than that, he will concern himself with the more fundamental question - if the parties are a wind down routine, then let the boys have a good time, and let's leave them alone.
The hustler will wonder what can happen at the party that can increase the sale price of the voyeuristic rights to this "behind the scenes" record of events. It isn't that creative in any case to get some music going, some women on the floor, and get some booze to flow. Any middle class city kid in India knows to put this sort of party together. This prick is a hustler, period. Let's not shy away from fact. So, here's the second question - how was a hustler chosen to lead the IPL in the first place? The reason could be that he can get a lot of people to believe in his hustle! But the real reason is, and give it to the fox here - hustlers are quick, and someone who can move at Modi's speed is needed to supercharge something like the IPL. That's a plus, especially in India. But the hustler will continue to hustle. You can hire him to build a temple, but please let him not perform the pujas. Lesson to be learnt.
A lot of Indians will be disappointed with the turn of events but not with Modi. Why not? Because Modi is secretly what a lot of Indians wish to be like - dynamic, unstoppable, "ruthless" in his own words, and super successful. India is just starting to see this kind of animal, not because it is new to this land, but now, because of the numbers, we are comparable to the hustlers in other countries, and hence the media attention. Despite all admissions to the contrary, the media loves Lalit Modi. Who else can provide them with so much material to fill the voids of their own existences? Notice how our media always asks questions in reaction to what the guy says, never forcing him to think up something new in response? That is sheer incompetence, and Modi fits right into the scheme.
The BIG escape for the IPL is, and one that is still very much available - it can move outside India. It can take all its franchises and its offices and move to the Cayman Islands. That is just the movement of an office! For some reason, our government doesn't seem to be able to wrap its head around this idea! In this time and age, where your office is registered has very little to do with where you do business. The IPL can exist as a separate entity, merely conducting matches in India, by paying the BCCI, and do ALL its business from Cayman Islands. And it would be thoroughly legal, and in fact, much more efficient. No taxes, no questions asked. Money comes, money goes, everybody is happy. The players get paid, the franchises all see money, TV happens, ads happen, the event happens, and absolutely nothing on the ground needs to change!
This is all about television. Set Max has paid upward of a billion US dollars (what else?) to get the rights for 10 years. What difference does it make to them? The audiences have been beautifully recruited. They are going to watch Set Max no matter where the games are played. Do you think any of them gives a shit where the IPL's office is located? The only problem is, the IPL is under the BCCI, and the BCCI has a few stuck pigeons in it. They will not let the IPL become a separate body. This is what Modi didn't bargain for. Most hustlers have a breaking point and the 26th of April is Modi's breaking point. On that day, all the "offiicialdom" that he used to destroy the ICL will be thrown at him, and he doesn't stand a fucking chance. Poor little rich bitch.
Modi isn't so successful because he is the ultimate hustler. He knows how much competence it will take to catch up with his shenanigans. All this taxman raiding or surveying business is going to wear thin fairly quickly. All it takes is competent Chartered Accountants and the franchises would all have hired great people. Now, the one thing that can blow in his face is this, literally - the explosions in Bangalore that moved the semi finals to Navi Mumbai. The explosions themselves aren't great, but the fact that the Karnataka Police have said that the "betting mafia" was behind the blasts! So, there exists a betting mafia that the Karnataka Police knew about? Of course that begs the next question - what the fuck were you doing if they were not able to just conduct business, but also able to place bombs in the stadium? Fundamental, right?
Some people will get caught, not because the cops are that good, but because the bastards can smell money. Now they have the leverage to extort some big money from the betting mafia. But they will also have to come up with some facts, just to look good, in case the politicians who are no doubt involved, are made to look bad before this cloud blows over.
If the betting mafia spills a few beans, they will necessarily mention Modi by name. Why? Because Modi the hustler trusts only himself at the centre of the dealmaking! So, IF any deal was struck, he struck it, not a lesser clown. It is this style that has led to the allegation that he offered the Kochi franchisees US$50 million to walk away from a deal they won! Imagine offering 50 million to walk away from a deal they pledged to pay 333 millon for! Keep the change, Lisper boy! No wonder they refused. But what is Modi's gall in making that offer? The veiled threat is that the outcome of the Kochi franchise's future would be in Modi's hand, and he could make life miserable for them. So, this is like doing business with the devil, and the devil himself wants to give you money so he can do business with someone else instead. Luckily, the Gaikwads were no pushover, and they stuck to their deal.
Shashi Tharoor remains an enigma in this story. It's completely believable that the interest he took in Kerala cricket prompted him to make the phone calls asking why there was a delay with the Kochi franchise, and it is completely believable that his friend Sunanda Pushkar was merely introduced by him to help them out. If Tharoor has anything to do with the unleashing of the taxmen on all IPL affairs, then, good for him! That won't accomplish anything if everybody has been paying taxes properly, but it shows he won't hesitate to see how you look under a cloud of suspicion. After all, that's what Modi did to him - put him under a cloud of suspicion and made him resign! What Modi doesn't have the sense to think about is that a resigned man has a lot of time on his hands - and we know whose workshop an idle mind is.
Our media needs to learn to ask the right questions, the incisive ones, the uncomfortable ones that will bring something new to light and make us think about everything in a new way. Instead, fools, even the assholes with Padma Shris, ask dumb questions like "Is the image of cricket tarnished?". Well, fuck, duh! Who doesn't know the answer to this one? Like we're a philosophical society given to discussing the impact of religiousness without a proportionate influx of agnostic spiritualism! We're passive aggressive, gossip loving dumb jerks who love to see people go down. But let's know why someone went down and how we contributed to the system that put him up in the first place! Let's learn to take some responsibility. Let's learn to freaking wake the fuck up and ask the right questions.
BSK.
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