It is now official - AR Rahman has apologized for "letting people down" with his song for the Commonwealth Games. Apparently, he is proud of the composition and the anthem. No artist should have to apologize to anybody for having attracted criticism from any quarter, but what composition is he talking about? And what anthem?
What he produced for the CW Games was just plain rubbish. It was sub standard trash and it stood out glaringly. He did not do anything great for Slumdog Millionaire either, but white guys loved it and gave him two Oscars, so that was enough for our dumb (m)asses to cheer him on! Looks like not many even made the attempt to find out Rahman's "Jai Ho" was originally put together for another producer for another film and then plugged into Slumdog Millionaire! Still good enough to win an Oscar!
The Oscar for best song is usually a joke, and it should not take too much research to find what kind of rubbish this category generally attracts. Heard Howard Shore's number for Lord of the Rings? It didn't even feature in the movie, but yes, it won the Oscar too! This category is in itself a joke, but for us Indians, two is always better than one, and coming from whitey, one is better than ALL we have from all non-whiteys!
Now, read this news item from The Hindu.
http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article832718.ece
This clown Rahman has apparently got great feedback from Australia, England, and all "those" places where they heard the song! Sure, they even understood everything in Hindi, loved the beefcake dancers prancing around in designer cheap white see through outfits with green and saffron gloves, and could not get enough of Rahman's singing to the sky. But wait a minute! They are WHITE people who loved this fucking song! So, how can we criticize Rahman?
How can we suddenly think the Commonwealth Games is an Indian affair, just because it was hosted by India, and 70,000 crores of Indian Rupees were spent for this extravaganza, just because this was supposed to showcase our ability to host such big events? How can it be important to satisfy Indian audiences for just 5 crores as payment? This is all about showing how good we are to whitey, whitey mighty whitey!
Sarcasm apart, I have never seen any Indian artist lick whitey ass as much as Rahman. The reason he doesn't get that kind of exotic adulation from Indians is because he is really no great shit and many of us know it. His music is uninspiring crap most often, and by law of averages, good sound engineering, great processing, and sublime packaging, Rahman can come up with something that "works" once in a while. Frequently enough to keep him in the news. And average enough to sell. Quality is a hard sell, so why even go there?
For whitey, however, who is just discovering popular Indian creative output, Ilayaraja is still not accessible. Rahman is the McDonalds variety that is ready off the shelf. Perfect! So, of course they celebrate him. Ask those geniuses if they even know the music of RD Burman, the incredible talent of Kishore Kumar or Lata Mangeshkar, leave alone Jesudas or Janaki. We haven't even started with our purely classical performers, if you noticed. Our classical musicians do not give a shit, because they are all true artists. They do almost no self promotion, and are too absorbed with their work. That is why they have to be "discovered". To mention a few here would be to mock the rest. They are all gods in an unbelievably exalted pantheon - and it would take someone like the Beatles to even scratch the surface of that.
Is it still difficult for us to see this scam artist who isn't worth shit? Are we deaf? Certainly not. And this waking up is exactly what happened with the Commonwealth Games! There was no whitey to tell us all too soon that Rahman was God! We had to hear his shit for ourselves and use our own brains that were asking us all along, "Is this fucker really that good?"! NO! He was never really "that" good, from any yardstick used to measure this nincompoop pretender. That is the point. He is a product of great management, not one of mercurial talent coming to the fore!
Great music is what evokes the accurate emotion, ecstasy or agony, puts us in the right place as intended by the composer. In movies, this is for supporting the director's vision. When songs are played lovingly years later, regardless of what happened to the memories of the movies, that is a very special accomplishment. Rahman had something going with Roja, a bit with Lagaan, and when really forced to work hard and deliver, with a handful of other films including Rangeela. These are the directors who make him work, not worship him. Check out a film called "Karuthamma" if you really want to see how well disco beats work in a Tamil rural movie. Check out the theme song the same fool came out with for the World Tamil Conference. If you aren't deaf, you'd wish you were.
So why doesn't he produce something like the best he has produced so far? Well, shit! Too much competition there. He is clever enough to make his own niche, hence the first run from Chennai to Mumbai and when the novelty has worn out even there, now onwards to Hollywood. They're broke so they'll buy anything cheap right now. If it is brown skinned with two Oscars, ride the exotic buzz!!
"All my life I had a choice between hate and love. I chose love and I am here," said Rahman after his second Oscar. What hate? What love? Overwhelmed by whitey's generosity, this is what can come out of a rank simpleton in flashy clothes! Awkward and insincere - duh! Exactly what his music almost always is. But he spoke about choosing "love" and how it has brought him here. Like an Oscar award is the greatest thing a musician can possibly aspire for! This damn Oscar is now a phallic aspiration for most Indian producers and directors. It is the ultimate sense of belonging with the best in the world! Indeed American cinema has produced some stalwarts and Shankar will never be as good a director as James Cameron, forget Terrence Malick or Spielberg. To a film maker, this is still a legitimate aspirational goal. But to a musician? Come on!
Rahman has no place in any collective of greatness - plain and simple. The fucker should not even be allowed in the same arenas as the masters, to perform his garbage. We don't even need to criticize the fact that he copies a lot. He isn't even good enough to twist that to something great. He has this one dimensional but easily sold thematic approach of "enthuse, lift up, be patriotic, and sing to the sky", that is wearing real thin. Now, he's apologizing? Jai Ho! Oh, yeah, just in case the ONLY song he made for the CW games was not enough value for money, he performed Jai Ho too! This guy is fast becoming an expert at looking out of place.
Bollywood is still that exotic beast to most of Hollywood. There are enough and more morons there who will take to this, in much the way they will take to Indian food. They will never get to taste anything authentic, but a fair bit of what we choose to export. Rahman is export material. In this case, not good enough for us, but good enough for the white consumer. He is easy to sell, just like a dosa can sell if called an "Indian crepe". God bless him for all the good this brings him, but please let's see him for what he really is - an average performer who's running on empty and pretending like his tank is full. Jai Ho! Otha odi po!
BSK.
PS: Spitting is feedback, in its truest sense.
16 October 2010
06 October 2010
The Opening Ceremony Comedy Show!
Whoever asked for these bloody Commonwealth Games?
Why does our wonderful former president Mr. Abdul Kalam have to have his name twisted to Abdul Kalam Azad by a fumbling idiot called Kalmadi? Why does that same idiot have to talk about a "Prince Diana" attending these games, when she is neither alive nor was ever a prince? Was this idiot even awake while he was filling the microphone with his unprofessional filth?
Why do we have Doordarshan doing something it was never meant to do - covering something live that moves more than its mouth?
This idiot Kalmadi never mentioned athletes amongst the people he extended his "Namaskar" to. For a guy who is reading from a piece of paper, the least he could do was make sure he doesn't swallow words like "Association". He said, "Assoshun" a few times. Clearly he isn't cut out for reading a speech, or mouthing one either. He couldn't do much about falling bridges either.
If an airline pilot with the same level of incompetence performed the equivalent of these tasks in his job, the plane would nosedive, throw its doors open mid-air, choke most of its passengers, catch fire, turn upside down and mow into a hill in a fireball.
Who are these clowns still running that embarrassment of a television channel called Doordarshan? Couldn't they get anybody better than the idiots who were reading out names of countries from the screen, telling us of their populations, and when each country got its independence? Isn't that in itself a reminder of the dark side of the whole "Commonwealth" idea?! I wish they had shown the Brit royals each time we were told about each country's independence from them! I wish we had the humour to be told how many years each country had been looted for by her royal bitching highness BEFORE they got independence. Instead, we were told to notice how "happy!" Prince Charles was, when the Wales contingent showed up. To me, the prick and his entourage looked the same when other contingents showed up too.
How much of a genius would it take to see "swimming" below the flag bearer's name and figure out that that person is a swimmer? Do we really need to have someone telling us that person is an "athlete" when we can read "athletics" below his or her name? Who else is going to show up at a sporting event? A fortune teller?
"Here comes Kenya! All the way from Africa!". Seriously, where else the fuck would the Kenyan contingent come from? Jupiter? Who are these juveniles telling us which country's flag is what colour and informing us, just in case, of this marvel of a projection system that projects the same flag on the aerostat for the same country! Hurrah! We got that right! What kind of fucking nonsense is this? This is not Doordarshan in its year of inception either. The CW Games may be a first, (and hopefully last) for India, but these idiots with the exclusive rights to telecast the CWG have been around for a long, long time. Should they not know their job a little better?
We were also told that the magnificent drummers below were beating the crap out of their contraptions to keep the athletes happy. No shit. I would have thought they were frightening stray lions. Even worse - we never got to hear those drums, because we were filled in with an incessant electronic drumbeat that ran right through the programme. Horrible, unless we got Energizer to sponsor that shit.
Why the fuck do we still refer to Charles as His Royal Highness? He may be to his own people, but not to US! Isn't that the whole POINT of being an independent country? None of the assholes in New Delhi seem to know yet.
And why is Charles talking about peace all over the world? Didn't the Brits send their military monkeys including one of Charlie's sons, to participate in the greatest bomb shag of all time in modern history in Iraq? Peace be damned if it is a Muslim country? Bloody hypocrite son of a bitch.
Who writes these goddamn speeches? "Over the next few days - thousands of athletes will take part in competition" - this came from Pratibha Patil, no less than the President of India. "And my dictionary has thousands of words!". DUH!
Everybody spoke of challenges and how they were overcome. Anybody with a brain bigger than a pea will know that there were NO challenges, just incompetence. If New Delhi was hit by an earthquake measuring 7.4 on the Richter scale, and Kalmadi had to dig himself out of a pile of rubble, drinking urine for 12 days, THAT would have been a challenge. Incomplete building structures and falling bridges are not challenges - they are FAILURES!
A bridge the army built in 6 days stands in place of what could have been built 6 years ago and collapsed. This is not a challenge overcome. This is a rescue act pulled off by professionals.
How have we finally made this event a mega showcase of our delusional powers? How we can fool ourselves that this is some sort of success! We are spending 70,000 crores and making 450 crores. So, this cannot be about money.
If this is about pride, what pride do we need to salvage from Tuvalu, Solomon Islands, St. Vincent and The Grenadines, Lesotho, Malawi, Nauru and a whole host of insignificant countries? Sure, we can showcase this to the other "significant" countries, as our grand spectacle, but seriously, who gives a shit about a country that has more people living below the poverty line than Sub Saharan Africa?
This is also touted as the first "Green" Commonwealth Games. Hello? It's getting its electricity entirely from fossil fuel burning National Thermal Power Corporation. (Who in their own words are "one of the world's cleanest fossil fuel power generator", not "generators". Bad English be damned for now) Who the fuck are we fooling here? Why even utter painfully untruthful rubbish like this? I mean, is the greatest opposition to these games coming from the environmental lobby?
Put all rubbish before our people, beat the drums, do the dance and say JAI HIND! And all is well. No fucking questions asked.
On and on our speeches poured out - ".....diverse and beautiful nation with heritage and culture. I am sure you will all experience it." NO! What people will experience is what is available to them. There won't be any diverse and beautiful nation with heritage and culture in the stadium or the village. It will be all security, security, security.
The cultural part - we're fail proof - we have professionals there! It's a good thing there is no quota for Bharatnatyam dancers and Kalari performers. Duds are likely to kill themselves if unleashed in these arenas. All good, nice to see. It doesn't matter how many people understand what is being sung - at the very least we will sing it right. But Oh, Lord! Chaiya Chaiya??? It's a tribute to the common man? Which common man dances on trains with sexy women? If there was one, he would have been danced, not Shah Rukh Khan!
Did I just say we are fail proof with the cultural part? So I am contradicting myself here? Whoever said Bollywood was part of our culture? It is a rowdy beast we have ready for all occasions. For some reason, we showcased a cycle shop. Okay. Then we had politicians campaigning - all part of the Indian landscape one supposes. Fine. But all dancing to Chaiya Chaiya? How the fuck is this a tribute to anything except mediocre unimaginative programming? Mumbai Dabbawalas, with paint dabbas! Fine! The masala chai? Okay. How about showcasing some rapes, molestation in public, burning brides for dowry, illegal mining, and some shitting in the open too!? Oh, we already showed that in the village!
For some reason, right on live television, Two girls fell down doing some acrobatic standing on men's shoulders. Poor things. I hope they got paid for the show they tried to put on.
The biggest of the uncultural, demented, gimmicky clown shows has to be A R Rahman. And who are all those barbaric assholes dancing behind him all the time? Who are those idiots he had behind him with saffron and green gloves and muscular bodies in white chiffon? Bloody beefcakes on the entertainment industry unemployment list? They looked like thugs to me, and do not represent anything but the most mindless things we put together in the name of entertainment. They did not look one bit Indian to me, nor did the stupid song sound Indian. Sure it sounded like Rahman, but was it in any way fit for the show? Whatever happened to Balamurali Krishna and Ilayaraja? They would have put on something magnificent and they would not bow to his royal freaking eyeness as well. Does anybody in the Organizing Commitee even know the real geniuses we have? Heck, Bappida would have belted out something fantastic.
As if the CW song wasn't bad enough, Rahman the copycat had to perform Jai Ho! What the fuck for? The idiot has made this song his go to song. If all else fails, he throws this on your face with that, "I got the Oscar for this. What the fuck do you know?" attitude and regularity. He got paid 5 crores for repeating his old shit?
India, thy middle name used to be mediocrity. Now, thou art, from every part, oozing it.
We're losing it.
BSK.
PS: In hindsight, there was plenty of comedy during the Opening Ceremony. Even beyond all the agony, one had to be swayed by the sheer scale of cacophonic insult unleashed upon us.
Why does our wonderful former president Mr. Abdul Kalam have to have his name twisted to Abdul Kalam Azad by a fumbling idiot called Kalmadi? Why does that same idiot have to talk about a "Prince Diana" attending these games, when she is neither alive nor was ever a prince? Was this idiot even awake while he was filling the microphone with his unprofessional filth?
Why do we have Doordarshan doing something it was never meant to do - covering something live that moves more than its mouth?
This idiot Kalmadi never mentioned athletes amongst the people he extended his "Namaskar" to. For a guy who is reading from a piece of paper, the least he could do was make sure he doesn't swallow words like "Association". He said, "Assoshun" a few times. Clearly he isn't cut out for reading a speech, or mouthing one either. He couldn't do much about falling bridges either.
If an airline pilot with the same level of incompetence performed the equivalent of these tasks in his job, the plane would nosedive, throw its doors open mid-air, choke most of its passengers, catch fire, turn upside down and mow into a hill in a fireball.
Who are these clowns still running that embarrassment of a television channel called Doordarshan? Couldn't they get anybody better than the idiots who were reading out names of countries from the screen, telling us of their populations, and when each country got its independence? Isn't that in itself a reminder of the dark side of the whole "Commonwealth" idea?! I wish they had shown the Brit royals each time we were told about each country's independence from them! I wish we had the humour to be told how many years each country had been looted for by her royal bitching highness BEFORE they got independence. Instead, we were told to notice how "happy!" Prince Charles was, when the Wales contingent showed up. To me, the prick and his entourage looked the same when other contingents showed up too.
How much of a genius would it take to see "swimming" below the flag bearer's name and figure out that that person is a swimmer? Do we really need to have someone telling us that person is an "athlete" when we can read "athletics" below his or her name? Who else is going to show up at a sporting event? A fortune teller?
"Here comes Kenya! All the way from Africa!". Seriously, where else the fuck would the Kenyan contingent come from? Jupiter? Who are these juveniles telling us which country's flag is what colour and informing us, just in case, of this marvel of a projection system that projects the same flag on the aerostat for the same country! Hurrah! We got that right! What kind of fucking nonsense is this? This is not Doordarshan in its year of inception either. The CW Games may be a first, (and hopefully last) for India, but these idiots with the exclusive rights to telecast the CWG have been around for a long, long time. Should they not know their job a little better?
We were also told that the magnificent drummers below were beating the crap out of their contraptions to keep the athletes happy. No shit. I would have thought they were frightening stray lions. Even worse - we never got to hear those drums, because we were filled in with an incessant electronic drumbeat that ran right through the programme. Horrible, unless we got Energizer to sponsor that shit.
Why the fuck do we still refer to Charles as His Royal Highness? He may be to his own people, but not to US! Isn't that the whole POINT of being an independent country? None of the assholes in New Delhi seem to know yet.
And why is Charles talking about peace all over the world? Didn't the Brits send their military monkeys including one of Charlie's sons, to participate in the greatest bomb shag of all time in modern history in Iraq? Peace be damned if it is a Muslim country? Bloody hypocrite son of a bitch.
Who writes these goddamn speeches? "Over the next few days - thousands of athletes will take part in competition" - this came from Pratibha Patil, no less than the President of India. "And my dictionary has thousands of words!". DUH!
Everybody spoke of challenges and how they were overcome. Anybody with a brain bigger than a pea will know that there were NO challenges, just incompetence. If New Delhi was hit by an earthquake measuring 7.4 on the Richter scale, and Kalmadi had to dig himself out of a pile of rubble, drinking urine for 12 days, THAT would have been a challenge. Incomplete building structures and falling bridges are not challenges - they are FAILURES!
A bridge the army built in 6 days stands in place of what could have been built 6 years ago and collapsed. This is not a challenge overcome. This is a rescue act pulled off by professionals.
How have we finally made this event a mega showcase of our delusional powers? How we can fool ourselves that this is some sort of success! We are spending 70,000 crores and making 450 crores. So, this cannot be about money.
If this is about pride, what pride do we need to salvage from Tuvalu, Solomon Islands, St. Vincent and The Grenadines, Lesotho, Malawi, Nauru and a whole host of insignificant countries? Sure, we can showcase this to the other "significant" countries, as our grand spectacle, but seriously, who gives a shit about a country that has more people living below the poverty line than Sub Saharan Africa?
This is also touted as the first "Green" Commonwealth Games. Hello? It's getting its electricity entirely from fossil fuel burning National Thermal Power Corporation. (Who in their own words are "one of the world's cleanest fossil fuel power generator", not "generators". Bad English be damned for now) Who the fuck are we fooling here? Why even utter painfully untruthful rubbish like this? I mean, is the greatest opposition to these games coming from the environmental lobby?
Put all rubbish before our people, beat the drums, do the dance and say JAI HIND! And all is well. No fucking questions asked.
On and on our speeches poured out - ".....diverse and beautiful nation with heritage and culture. I am sure you will all experience it." NO! What people will experience is what is available to them. There won't be any diverse and beautiful nation with heritage and culture in the stadium or the village. It will be all security, security, security.
The cultural part - we're fail proof - we have professionals there! It's a good thing there is no quota for Bharatnatyam dancers and Kalari performers. Duds are likely to kill themselves if unleashed in these arenas. All good, nice to see. It doesn't matter how many people understand what is being sung - at the very least we will sing it right. But Oh, Lord! Chaiya Chaiya??? It's a tribute to the common man? Which common man dances on trains with sexy women? If there was one, he would have been danced, not Shah Rukh Khan!
Did I just say we are fail proof with the cultural part? So I am contradicting myself here? Whoever said Bollywood was part of our culture? It is a rowdy beast we have ready for all occasions. For some reason, we showcased a cycle shop. Okay. Then we had politicians campaigning - all part of the Indian landscape one supposes. Fine. But all dancing to Chaiya Chaiya? How the fuck is this a tribute to anything except mediocre unimaginative programming? Mumbai Dabbawalas, with paint dabbas! Fine! The masala chai? Okay. How about showcasing some rapes, molestation in public, burning brides for dowry, illegal mining, and some shitting in the open too!? Oh, we already showed that in the village!
For some reason, right on live television, Two girls fell down doing some acrobatic standing on men's shoulders. Poor things. I hope they got paid for the show they tried to put on.
The biggest of the uncultural, demented, gimmicky clown shows has to be A R Rahman. And who are all those barbaric assholes dancing behind him all the time? Who are those idiots he had behind him with saffron and green gloves and muscular bodies in white chiffon? Bloody beefcakes on the entertainment industry unemployment list? They looked like thugs to me, and do not represent anything but the most mindless things we put together in the name of entertainment. They did not look one bit Indian to me, nor did the stupid song sound Indian. Sure it sounded like Rahman, but was it in any way fit for the show? Whatever happened to Balamurali Krishna and Ilayaraja? They would have put on something magnificent and they would not bow to his royal freaking eyeness as well. Does anybody in the Organizing Commitee even know the real geniuses we have? Heck, Bappida would have belted out something fantastic.
As if the CW song wasn't bad enough, Rahman the copycat had to perform Jai Ho! What the fuck for? The idiot has made this song his go to song. If all else fails, he throws this on your face with that, "I got the Oscar for this. What the fuck do you know?" attitude and regularity. He got paid 5 crores for repeating his old shit?
India, thy middle name used to be mediocrity. Now, thou art, from every part, oozing it.
We're losing it.
BSK.
PS: In hindsight, there was plenty of comedy during the Opening Ceremony. Even beyond all the agony, one had to be swayed by the sheer scale of cacophonic insult unleashed upon us.
02 October 2010
The VERDICT - you cannot have the truth!
The BJP today condemned Home Minister Chidambaram's statement that the famous Ayodhya title suit verdict of the Allahabad High Court has nothing to do with the demolition of the Babri Masjid which remains a criminal act. The BJP does not want the Home Minister to say something like this, because the matter is before the court. Apparently, an act of vandalism that ends in the destruction of a historical monument, is not obvious enough for the BJP to accept someone calling it a criminal act, even if it were a matter of opinion.
Despite the hope we can have in the Supreme Court, the most dangerous precedent has however, been set by the Allahabad High Court. By giving even the slightest legitimacy to matters of faith, it has chosen belief over truth, by deciding not to go purely with facts. The "verdict" - to split the disputed land in 3, equally, amongst the litigants disputing its ownership, is in itself, perhaps the most uncontroversial settlement it could have prescribed, but that sort of "commonsense wisdom" is meant for people's courts, not for a high court.
The "law" as we have subscribed to, by being a democratic nation, is written in letters, not in beliefs, and not in our judgement of how the verdicts may play with emotions and feelings of communities too vested in their beliefs. The court is equipped to deal with facts, not beliefs. If someone now comes up with an empirical evidence to disprove the existence of God, then what happens? Our legal systems should be impervious to these situations.
Where are the facts that can establish to whom this land belongs? What do we do if we cannot arrive at those facts? Simply ask for more evidence, it is that simple. Wait until the evidence shows up and if it does not, rule in favour of status quo and throw out the litigation(s). That is all a court has to do. Has the Allahabad High Court done that? It has gone a step further, without fulfilling its fundamental duty. It has chosen, very strangely, to bring a settlement into play, without making the law take its course. It has chosen to quell the "problem", instead of ending the dispute.
This "settlement" verdict, even more bizarrely, is the sort of thing that much lower courts, like Panchayat courts, resort to. That is the expectation there, and they are immensely qualified to do so, through an informal jury that usually know the parties in the dispute rather well, and the entrusting of the judgement is left to some wise "counsel", usually the older citizens of a village. These are the courts that order stripping people naked, honour killings, revenge rapes, public humiliation, and other inhuman punishments, that are clearly unconstitutional and highly illegal.
The courts of the more formal legal "system" have lawyers, to interpret, clarify, and sometimes enforce the "law". It is a very rational profession, that depends on volumes of "Indian Law" that many are students and practitioners of. It is an evolving set of laws, but at any given point in time, "Indian Law" exists as an edict in written form. God is not called upon to enforce it. Our law enforcement agencies are. If we were to consider beliefs, religious sentiments and such irrational subjects in a court sworn to uphold the "law", we should have religious leaders, psychics, tantriks, priests, mullahs and such working in courts, not lawyers, advocates and judges!
In its most fundamental essence, the job of a court is to uphold the "law", not even attempt to deliver "justice" even as it pronounces judgement. If there is no evidence, the alleged murderer walks free! How many times have we seen this happen? It is the only way the "law" works. If the law is found inadequate to deal with a certain dispute, the case rests, sometimes indefinitely.
We as a nation, have unwittingly, stepped onto the slippery slope of legitimizing the irrational and given it the status of equal consideration with objective truths. For this alone, we will have to pay a very heavy price. "Satyameva Jayate" is not true in this case, do we even realize?
By the precedent set by this verdict, credibility is given to events that supposedly took place hundreds of years before INDIA came into existence, on the 15th of August 1947. The title suit itself is only about who the 2.7acres of land in Ayodhya belongs to, but the three way split laid out by the "verdict", based on some place of worship having existed there many hundred years ago, over which supposedly another place of worship was built, also years before India came into existence, borders on absolute madness. Even more bizarrely, madness is what is supposedly being avoided right now by this immature "compromise".
This was never about Hinduism or Islam or what people believe in. This should always have been about the law of the land. What if somebody gets it into their head now, that their ancestors' temple or an entire civilization's ancestral, historical or religious wealth is buried beneath the Parliament building? How about beneath the Rashtrapathi Bhavan or the Taj Mahal? Shall we demolish these buildings and wait for another verdict to tell us whether that is criminal or not? Clearly there is no end to this kind of nonsense.
What would it take for the nation to please step away from juvenile utterances of "India First" and other such nonsense, and take note that what is under attack here is not the freedom to have beliefs, or practise religion, but the very basis of what a "nation" stands for? The Constitution of India does not have a "God" concept in it. It is a very mature document, and one that we have all, by being citizens of India, by choice or by rude or convenient destiny, subscribe to. We swear allegiance to this document each time we use Indian currency, apply for a passport, or show our identity to avail a service. All this exists, because we, the bona fide citizens of this collective called "India", have chosen to define ourselves by writing down (not believing in) what constitutes and defines India. This very definition is under attack here now that we are opening the doors for revisionist historians armed with useless rhetoric, beliefs, dogma, and an inarticulate sense of being "Indian" that is clearly not recognizable by our Constitution.
It might be very challenging for some of us to even get involved with an issue of this nature, to even invest the thought to understand what is at play here. Surely, there have been no riots, so this must be a good thing? By that logic, it must be a good thing that hundreds of our women are getting raped on a daily basis, children kidnapped and sold, and spurious medicines are killing thousands of us. Heck, no riots!
This is about the whole idea of a "nation" that is being challenged here, and the Allahabad High Court, somehow, right now, has chosen to do what it should have recommended for the three litigants to do in an out of court settlement, and fallen well below applying the law of this land to clearly state the ownership of the piece of land, which was, by the way, never split in its ownership in any time in history!
What do we stand for as a nation? Do we take our laws seriously? Do we respect our Constitution? Do our leaders stand for the oaths they take? Do we have ANYTHING at all that is sacred to us as citizens of this nation? If we say "yes" to any of the above, then we must realize that religion is at best a personal matter, and even when it is a matter of community, it still cannot be given enough legitimacy to become a matter of the nation.
If we are about to embark upon a mission to right all the wrongs of Indian history, why don't we agree to agree to smash every structure that stands today to see what lies beneath? Surely, this would bring ALL truths from our past out in the open, and we can build a new India, maybe even a shining one, from scratch! Our lawyers would be delighted with millions of lawsuits! They might actually have to ask for God's help to handle the sheer volume of work!
Please be disturbed. Be very, very disturbed if you understand the gravity of this new issue - of the judiciary choosing to mete out a settlement instead of the truth it should always pursue. Who are we going to rely on now to uphold the law?
BSK.
Despite the hope we can have in the Supreme Court, the most dangerous precedent has however, been set by the Allahabad High Court. By giving even the slightest legitimacy to matters of faith, it has chosen belief over truth, by deciding not to go purely with facts. The "verdict" - to split the disputed land in 3, equally, amongst the litigants disputing its ownership, is in itself, perhaps the most uncontroversial settlement it could have prescribed, but that sort of "commonsense wisdom" is meant for people's courts, not for a high court.
The "law" as we have subscribed to, by being a democratic nation, is written in letters, not in beliefs, and not in our judgement of how the verdicts may play with emotions and feelings of communities too vested in their beliefs. The court is equipped to deal with facts, not beliefs. If someone now comes up with an empirical evidence to disprove the existence of God, then what happens? Our legal systems should be impervious to these situations.
Where are the facts that can establish to whom this land belongs? What do we do if we cannot arrive at those facts? Simply ask for more evidence, it is that simple. Wait until the evidence shows up and if it does not, rule in favour of status quo and throw out the litigation(s). That is all a court has to do. Has the Allahabad High Court done that? It has gone a step further, without fulfilling its fundamental duty. It has chosen, very strangely, to bring a settlement into play, without making the law take its course. It has chosen to quell the "problem", instead of ending the dispute.
This "settlement" verdict, even more bizarrely, is the sort of thing that much lower courts, like Panchayat courts, resort to. That is the expectation there, and they are immensely qualified to do so, through an informal jury that usually know the parties in the dispute rather well, and the entrusting of the judgement is left to some wise "counsel", usually the older citizens of a village. These are the courts that order stripping people naked, honour killings, revenge rapes, public humiliation, and other inhuman punishments, that are clearly unconstitutional and highly illegal.
The courts of the more formal legal "system" have lawyers, to interpret, clarify, and sometimes enforce the "law". It is a very rational profession, that depends on volumes of "Indian Law" that many are students and practitioners of. It is an evolving set of laws, but at any given point in time, "Indian Law" exists as an edict in written form. God is not called upon to enforce it. Our law enforcement agencies are. If we were to consider beliefs, religious sentiments and such irrational subjects in a court sworn to uphold the "law", we should have religious leaders, psychics, tantriks, priests, mullahs and such working in courts, not lawyers, advocates and judges!
In its most fundamental essence, the job of a court is to uphold the "law", not even attempt to deliver "justice" even as it pronounces judgement. If there is no evidence, the alleged murderer walks free! How many times have we seen this happen? It is the only way the "law" works. If the law is found inadequate to deal with a certain dispute, the case rests, sometimes indefinitely.
We as a nation, have unwittingly, stepped onto the slippery slope of legitimizing the irrational and given it the status of equal consideration with objective truths. For this alone, we will have to pay a very heavy price. "Satyameva Jayate" is not true in this case, do we even realize?
By the precedent set by this verdict, credibility is given to events that supposedly took place hundreds of years before INDIA came into existence, on the 15th of August 1947. The title suit itself is only about who the 2.7acres of land in Ayodhya belongs to, but the three way split laid out by the "verdict", based on some place of worship having existed there many hundred years ago, over which supposedly another place of worship was built, also years before India came into existence, borders on absolute madness. Even more bizarrely, madness is what is supposedly being avoided right now by this immature "compromise".
This was never about Hinduism or Islam or what people believe in. This should always have been about the law of the land. What if somebody gets it into their head now, that their ancestors' temple or an entire civilization's ancestral, historical or religious wealth is buried beneath the Parliament building? How about beneath the Rashtrapathi Bhavan or the Taj Mahal? Shall we demolish these buildings and wait for another verdict to tell us whether that is criminal or not? Clearly there is no end to this kind of nonsense.
What would it take for the nation to please step away from juvenile utterances of "India First" and other such nonsense, and take note that what is under attack here is not the freedom to have beliefs, or practise religion, but the very basis of what a "nation" stands for? The Constitution of India does not have a "God" concept in it. It is a very mature document, and one that we have all, by being citizens of India, by choice or by rude or convenient destiny, subscribe to. We swear allegiance to this document each time we use Indian currency, apply for a passport, or show our identity to avail a service. All this exists, because we, the bona fide citizens of this collective called "India", have chosen to define ourselves by writing down (not believing in) what constitutes and defines India. This very definition is under attack here now that we are opening the doors for revisionist historians armed with useless rhetoric, beliefs, dogma, and an inarticulate sense of being "Indian" that is clearly not recognizable by our Constitution.
It might be very challenging for some of us to even get involved with an issue of this nature, to even invest the thought to understand what is at play here. Surely, there have been no riots, so this must be a good thing? By that logic, it must be a good thing that hundreds of our women are getting raped on a daily basis, children kidnapped and sold, and spurious medicines are killing thousands of us. Heck, no riots!
This is about the whole idea of a "nation" that is being challenged here, and the Allahabad High Court, somehow, right now, has chosen to do what it should have recommended for the three litigants to do in an out of court settlement, and fallen well below applying the law of this land to clearly state the ownership of the piece of land, which was, by the way, never split in its ownership in any time in history!
What do we stand for as a nation? Do we take our laws seriously? Do we respect our Constitution? Do our leaders stand for the oaths they take? Do we have ANYTHING at all that is sacred to us as citizens of this nation? If we say "yes" to any of the above, then we must realize that religion is at best a personal matter, and even when it is a matter of community, it still cannot be given enough legitimacy to become a matter of the nation.
If we are about to embark upon a mission to right all the wrongs of Indian history, why don't we agree to agree to smash every structure that stands today to see what lies beneath? Surely, this would bring ALL truths from our past out in the open, and we can build a new India, maybe even a shining one, from scratch! Our lawyers would be delighted with millions of lawsuits! They might actually have to ask for God's help to handle the sheer volume of work!
Please be disturbed. Be very, very disturbed if you understand the gravity of this new issue - of the judiciary choosing to mete out a settlement instead of the truth it should always pursue. Who are we going to rely on now to uphold the law?
BSK.
29 September 2010
An APPEAL for inaction?
Various "leaders" of our great country have come out and appealed for peace, harmony, and the prime minister himself has even asked for "tranquility" in the wake of the expected verdict of the Allahabad High Court over the title suit of the land on which the Babri Masjid once stood.
Right this moment, we don't have a great deal of peace or harmony in our country and tranquility can only come with a tranquilizer to most of us, but we're certainly not ready subscribers to riots, disharmony or destruction. We're too lazy for any of that because it takes initiative and action, but that is something else.
What I feel deeply insulted by is the assumption of our leaders across all parties and persuasions that we really give a fuck about this verdict of a piece of land being politicized by some idiots up north. I cannot believe the lunatics who have the time for this shit. We just flushed 70,000 crores into something called the Commonwealth games in which the average Indian does not have a damn to gain, and we didn't give a fuck, so why will we get angry if a piece of land goes to a mosque or a temple?
Our elected leaders must have such a twisted picture of us in their minds. Us - the average, everyday Indians. This picture must be so twisted or Disney cute in their minds that they must imagine we're not capable of any sophisticated thought, and that we would collectively rise to dispute whatever verdict comes out, knowing fully well that the damn verdict is going straight to the Supreme Court one way or the other!
Doesn't the average Indian have anything better to do? A whole generation has come to pass since that deplorable monkey dance breaking fest that took down the Babri Masjid. We didn't really give a shit then, and we didn't give a shit even when that day was supposedly avenged by the fanatics on the Muslim bench through terrorist attacks.
We have thrown out the BJP lock stock and barrel because of their dogmatic and zealous religious nonsense, and really shown the door to pretty much everything that threatens any fabric of this idea called India. The average Indian does not have to be appealed to in order to maintain what he knows to maintain - status quo. If we should be woken up, forced into action, forced into virulent, violent action, then, we need to hear this sort of appeal. Not if we need to let bygones be bygones - that from our inherent apathy, comes naturally to us.
Even this apathetic status quo has come at a price. We have seen every issue in this country be politicized. We have seen every idealistic notion be torn to shreds by rotten politicians, most of whom we would not even hire to feed our dogs in our absence, leave alone water the garden. We know the stench of corruption and cheap behaviour when the flame of the Commonwealth games is snatched by politicians hungry for TV time and our athletes don't even get to touch it.
We're demonstrating every single day how much crap we put up with, when our champion boxer's bed collapses at the games village, and there is not one day in 365 when all our trains may run on time. By the way, they did, during the infamous Emergency period! We're a country where the most normal shit happens normally only during a period called "Emergency". So, why the fuck would we give a shit about some abnormal historic shit that happened well before we became this nation called India?
Some of us do, for sure. But these are the monkeys in the political parties that want to return India to prehistoric days of glory. Not many of them realize that history in those days was very probably written by historians paid by the kings themselves. Or else, what are the chances of all 537 kings in India being generous, thoughtful, wise and helpful to people? They even fucking planted trees and dug ditches, encouraged sculpture, arts, and scientific research and medicine, and had this phenomenal grasp of astronomy, philosophy and what not. So how come we're such a fucked up country now? All fucking bullshit. Hedonistic rascals would have made sure their in-house historians wrote good things about them. There must have been the occasional great ruler, but most of the kings in this land must have been fornicating big time when everything went to ruin around them.
We the people of democratic India, trust a new set of leaders every now and then. We trust them to be smart, somewhat capable, and short of raping our mothers and burning our homes, we are okay with them looting and plundering this country in every way possible. They don't seem to know us at all, because, hey ho! They're not even freaking interested in us! If we disrupt normal life because of some inspirational uprising, it might be a problem for the real looters to get in on their usual action. That is all this appeal is for - "Oh, people of India, don't let this pesky little verdict suddenly make you pay any attention!"
I am pissed mad because this appeal is being made at all. It is an insult to the peace loving nature of the average Indian. Our peace is invaded on a daily basis because of corruption, bribes being demanded, infrastructure not working properly, and nobody in government being held accountable. It does NOT get invaded by a stupid verdict that decides who gets a piece of land, especially when that land is small in size, invisible to the vast majority of the population, and in any extreme situation, is going to hold a piece of worship. We're not zealots. We don't give a shit. And for once, I am proud of this.
BSK.
Right this moment, we don't have a great deal of peace or harmony in our country and tranquility can only come with a tranquilizer to most of us, but we're certainly not ready subscribers to riots, disharmony or destruction. We're too lazy for any of that because it takes initiative and action, but that is something else.
What I feel deeply insulted by is the assumption of our leaders across all parties and persuasions that we really give a fuck about this verdict of a piece of land being politicized by some idiots up north. I cannot believe the lunatics who have the time for this shit. We just flushed 70,000 crores into something called the Commonwealth games in which the average Indian does not have a damn to gain, and we didn't give a fuck, so why will we get angry if a piece of land goes to a mosque or a temple?
Our elected leaders must have such a twisted picture of us in their minds. Us - the average, everyday Indians. This picture must be so twisted or Disney cute in their minds that they must imagine we're not capable of any sophisticated thought, and that we would collectively rise to dispute whatever verdict comes out, knowing fully well that the damn verdict is going straight to the Supreme Court one way or the other!
Doesn't the average Indian have anything better to do? A whole generation has come to pass since that deplorable monkey dance breaking fest that took down the Babri Masjid. We didn't really give a shit then, and we didn't give a shit even when that day was supposedly avenged by the fanatics on the Muslim bench through terrorist attacks.
We have thrown out the BJP lock stock and barrel because of their dogmatic and zealous religious nonsense, and really shown the door to pretty much everything that threatens any fabric of this idea called India. The average Indian does not have to be appealed to in order to maintain what he knows to maintain - status quo. If we should be woken up, forced into action, forced into virulent, violent action, then, we need to hear this sort of appeal. Not if we need to let bygones be bygones - that from our inherent apathy, comes naturally to us.
Even this apathetic status quo has come at a price. We have seen every issue in this country be politicized. We have seen every idealistic notion be torn to shreds by rotten politicians, most of whom we would not even hire to feed our dogs in our absence, leave alone water the garden. We know the stench of corruption and cheap behaviour when the flame of the Commonwealth games is snatched by politicians hungry for TV time and our athletes don't even get to touch it.
We're demonstrating every single day how much crap we put up with, when our champion boxer's bed collapses at the games village, and there is not one day in 365 when all our trains may run on time. By the way, they did, during the infamous Emergency period! We're a country where the most normal shit happens normally only during a period called "Emergency". So, why the fuck would we give a shit about some abnormal historic shit that happened well before we became this nation called India?
Some of us do, for sure. But these are the monkeys in the political parties that want to return India to prehistoric days of glory. Not many of them realize that history in those days was very probably written by historians paid by the kings themselves. Or else, what are the chances of all 537 kings in India being generous, thoughtful, wise and helpful to people? They even fucking planted trees and dug ditches, encouraged sculpture, arts, and scientific research and medicine, and had this phenomenal grasp of astronomy, philosophy and what not. So how come we're such a fucked up country now? All fucking bullshit. Hedonistic rascals would have made sure their in-house historians wrote good things about them. There must have been the occasional great ruler, but most of the kings in this land must have been fornicating big time when everything went to ruin around them.
We the people of democratic India, trust a new set of leaders every now and then. We trust them to be smart, somewhat capable, and short of raping our mothers and burning our homes, we are okay with them looting and plundering this country in every way possible. They don't seem to know us at all, because, hey ho! They're not even freaking interested in us! If we disrupt normal life because of some inspirational uprising, it might be a problem for the real looters to get in on their usual action. That is all this appeal is for - "Oh, people of India, don't let this pesky little verdict suddenly make you pay any attention!"
I am pissed mad because this appeal is being made at all. It is an insult to the peace loving nature of the average Indian. Our peace is invaded on a daily basis because of corruption, bribes being demanded, infrastructure not working properly, and nobody in government being held accountable. It does NOT get invaded by a stupid verdict that decides who gets a piece of land, especially when that land is small in size, invisible to the vast majority of the population, and in any extreme situation, is going to hold a piece of worship. We're not zealots. We don't give a shit. And for once, I am proud of this.
BSK.
22 August 2010
Kumble, Harsha, Corporate India and Cricket India.
This bumbling idiot Harsha Bhogle has been at it for some time now - throwing out tentative ideas and hoping some hooks will find biters. Given the number of idiots in India, it is not surprising this fool even has a fan base! But enough is enough, because....
He now suggests (the best of) corporate India should help India's cricketers. Since when did corporate India get this claim on excellence? The Indian cricket team is the #1 ranked cricket team in the world in Tests and is nearly there in ODIs. Where is corporate India? Isn't this a bit like a pujari advising Gautama Buddha? And Kumble apparently wants to help young cricketers! What the heck for?
http://www.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/473310.html
Corporate India is about hiding incompetence behind a facade of professionalism. It is about rank incompetence in numbers pretending like it can do a job. Show me ONE achievement of corporate India that is unique, pathbreaking, an example for the world to follow, and has changed the lives of many people positively. I can tell you without flinching that Kapil Dev single handedly inspired millions, changed our outlook towards life, and gave us something no corporate motherfucking world conquering gameplaying suitwearing cocksucking high flying asshole has ever given - hope in ourselves. Kapil did that, without ever resorting to anything boring.
Without the cursing, here is why Harsha should not have this job of writing trash and getting paid. Here is the clearest difference between what corporate ethos is about and the ethos of a sportsperson. Corporations are all about the collective. Sports is about the individual, yes, even in team games. You can hide a lousy employee, but you cannot hide a lousy sportsperson. Mediocrity can pass in an office, on the field it will be mercilessly exposed. You can hang on to a company for life just by not becoming offensive. Most sports teams get rid of players very quickly without performances. The yardstick for a sportsperson is being the best in the world. The yardstick for a company is its bottomline - it doesn't have to be better than anyone in order to survive. (Come on! No matter what you argue against this, does it really take a Tata to make salt?). There is no glare on one failure in the corporate world. In fact, there is no glare on many collective failures either. On the sportsperson, the glare is intense, and merciless. It is not surprising how Harsha and his wife have talked about how corporations can learn from sports. That's the way it should be. Now, for some monkey's finger in the ass reason, Harsha thinks our corporations can teach cricket. No, Harsha. Corporations can own cricket but they cannot really do much about producing better cricketers, even at the human level.
First of all, why do we want our cricketers to be good human beings? Is that something we care about if he can crunch a batsman's toe, or whack the ball out of the stadium? The most primal thing about sport is that it is essentially physical. Do we have a problem with this? Then we should not watch sports or take any interest in it. But we do, and not only do we do, there are fools like Harsha who think sportsmen should lead their lives a certain "ideal" way. Nice guys are not who we want in sports. We want winners. Once in a while, there will be an MS Dhoni, a pretty nice guy who stays cool, talks well, and is above board as far as ethics go. But we won't love him for any of that if he can't whack the crap out of a cricket ball and lead his Team India to giddy achievements.
Why is it that we cannot celebrate pure brilliance and always have to reduce the mercurial to the accessible mediocrity of a "regular" person. The "regular" or "good" people are not interesting. Celebrities are supposed to be interesting people. Let them have their characteristics. What is so hard to understand about this?
For one, we should dread Anil Kumble having anything to do with Indian cricket or young cricketers. It is all good that he was a hard working cricketer, a fierce competitor, took his moustache off, and is now leading the RCB in the IPL. Ah! The last part should really rattle us. And this is where I beg to differ from Harsha's enthusiastic endorsement of Kumble wanting to work with India's youngsters in grooming them and helping them prepare for life as youngsters. Preparing for life as humdrum, grimacing also rans? No thanks! What worked for Kumble will not work for others who don't come from where he does.
Moreover, and more importantly, Kumble is not Kapil Dev. He does not inspire. His statistics are awesome, but the very fact that he is a disciplined, focused and beady eyed competitor also means that he is like many school teachers with several degrees and the intent to make you look up to them. Truth is, this is EXACTLY the kind of monster most of our young cricketers will be glad to not be under. That is why they are playing cricket, not pursuing studies!
In the last edition of the IPL, Kumble was playing with rich kids. Kids who could become millionaires with one big innings, one inspired spell of bowling lasting no more than 4 overs, and kids who could become heroes or zeroes before the game ended, only to come back to life and the limelight shortly after in the very next game. Kumble was the old school leader. But was he graceful? Only if you left the letters d, i, and s out at the start. He removed the one thing that RCB had in shortage to start with - enthusiasm. Under Kumble, the team did better than it did under Pietersen, but that is not saying much.
Kumble was angry, yelling around, not able to handle pressure, rude to the youngsters on the field, and finally, when the tense moments came, came up short. On one occasion, it was the last over, and Kumble was batting with the tail, with a few tight runs to get. He took a single and went to the non strikers end. Then, he saw the kid at the other end play and miss a couple, went over to advice him, and guess what? He was bowled the very next ball! Seriously, what is there to tell a tailender when 4 is needed off 1 ball? This isn't bad captaincy, or strategy - it is the symptom of a control freak, who has set ways of doing things, and thinks he can will it out of his wards. The schoolmaster at his worst!
This is not the moron we want grooming our youngsters to handle their professional, personal or business affairs. Most certainly not their "lives". What is that going to be - a paid father job? A job that will take all the fun out of being out in the open, bowling, batting or fielding? That is all cricket is, isn't it? Isn't it the team that does these three things that wins? So, what exactly does Kumble have to do, since he can't teach others to bowl like him, doesn't know how to bat, and is a lousy fielder?
Harsha thinks our youngsters need to be taught how to handle success! Sure, but not by sore losers. Kumble not once happily acknowledged how good another team was when his team was beaten. Being sore and serious, and looking constantly agitated, constipated, disgruntled and aggravated is hardly the way to handle life and this is hardly the moron who should be helping our youngsters become anything like this.
So what if our youngsters don't take life so seriously? They are much more fun than this schoolmaster prick! Fun is what cricket is. It is just a game, for fuck's sake! Who are these idiots who are busy suggesting that fun be taken out of life? We need all the entertainment we get out of something like the IPL, and that is why we pay, and that is why it is rich. I don't grudge any of our kids striking it rich in one season and vanishing the next. His purpose, his dharma, was to burn bright for that one season? So be it! I don't want to see everyone becoming the dull lamp that glows for a hundred years!
Chennai doesn't have any of this scholastic disciplinarian, or corporate management shit. But they are a happy team that rose from 7th place and won the IPL. They are the MOST consistent team in the IPL. Dhoni keeps it simple and kids respond. End of story. The results are there to show. Dhoni is the man and the men in yellow are the happiest team. They even won the Fairplay Award, so they're not stressing out either. Harsha and Kumble, learn from MSD and keep your fucking traps shut.
BSK
He now suggests (the best of) corporate India should help India's cricketers. Since when did corporate India get this claim on excellence? The Indian cricket team is the #1 ranked cricket team in the world in Tests and is nearly there in ODIs. Where is corporate India? Isn't this a bit like a pujari advising Gautama Buddha? And Kumble apparently wants to help young cricketers! What the heck for?
http://www.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/473310.html
Corporate India is about hiding incompetence behind a facade of professionalism. It is about rank incompetence in numbers pretending like it can do a job. Show me ONE achievement of corporate India that is unique, pathbreaking, an example for the world to follow, and has changed the lives of many people positively. I can tell you without flinching that Kapil Dev single handedly inspired millions, changed our outlook towards life, and gave us something no corporate motherfucking world conquering gameplaying suitwearing cocksucking high flying asshole has ever given - hope in ourselves. Kapil did that, without ever resorting to anything boring.
Without the cursing, here is why Harsha should not have this job of writing trash and getting paid. Here is the clearest difference between what corporate ethos is about and the ethos of a sportsperson. Corporations are all about the collective. Sports is about the individual, yes, even in team games. You can hide a lousy employee, but you cannot hide a lousy sportsperson. Mediocrity can pass in an office, on the field it will be mercilessly exposed. You can hang on to a company for life just by not becoming offensive. Most sports teams get rid of players very quickly without performances. The yardstick for a sportsperson is being the best in the world. The yardstick for a company is its bottomline - it doesn't have to be better than anyone in order to survive. (Come on! No matter what you argue against this, does it really take a Tata to make salt?). There is no glare on one failure in the corporate world. In fact, there is no glare on many collective failures either. On the sportsperson, the glare is intense, and merciless. It is not surprising how Harsha and his wife have talked about how corporations can learn from sports. That's the way it should be. Now, for some monkey's finger in the ass reason, Harsha thinks our corporations can teach cricket. No, Harsha. Corporations can own cricket but they cannot really do much about producing better cricketers, even at the human level.
First of all, why do we want our cricketers to be good human beings? Is that something we care about if he can crunch a batsman's toe, or whack the ball out of the stadium? The most primal thing about sport is that it is essentially physical. Do we have a problem with this? Then we should not watch sports or take any interest in it. But we do, and not only do we do, there are fools like Harsha who think sportsmen should lead their lives a certain "ideal" way. Nice guys are not who we want in sports. We want winners. Once in a while, there will be an MS Dhoni, a pretty nice guy who stays cool, talks well, and is above board as far as ethics go. But we won't love him for any of that if he can't whack the crap out of a cricket ball and lead his Team India to giddy achievements.
Why is it that we cannot celebrate pure brilliance and always have to reduce the mercurial to the accessible mediocrity of a "regular" person. The "regular" or "good" people are not interesting. Celebrities are supposed to be interesting people. Let them have their characteristics. What is so hard to understand about this?
For one, we should dread Anil Kumble having anything to do with Indian cricket or young cricketers. It is all good that he was a hard working cricketer, a fierce competitor, took his moustache off, and is now leading the RCB in the IPL. Ah! The last part should really rattle us. And this is where I beg to differ from Harsha's enthusiastic endorsement of Kumble wanting to work with India's youngsters in grooming them and helping them prepare for life as youngsters. Preparing for life as humdrum, grimacing also rans? No thanks! What worked for Kumble will not work for others who don't come from where he does.
Moreover, and more importantly, Kumble is not Kapil Dev. He does not inspire. His statistics are awesome, but the very fact that he is a disciplined, focused and beady eyed competitor also means that he is like many school teachers with several degrees and the intent to make you look up to them. Truth is, this is EXACTLY the kind of monster most of our young cricketers will be glad to not be under. That is why they are playing cricket, not pursuing studies!
In the last edition of the IPL, Kumble was playing with rich kids. Kids who could become millionaires with one big innings, one inspired spell of bowling lasting no more than 4 overs, and kids who could become heroes or zeroes before the game ended, only to come back to life and the limelight shortly after in the very next game. Kumble was the old school leader. But was he graceful? Only if you left the letters d, i, and s out at the start. He removed the one thing that RCB had in shortage to start with - enthusiasm. Under Kumble, the team did better than it did under Pietersen, but that is not saying much.
Kumble was angry, yelling around, not able to handle pressure, rude to the youngsters on the field, and finally, when the tense moments came, came up short. On one occasion, it was the last over, and Kumble was batting with the tail, with a few tight runs to get. He took a single and went to the non strikers end. Then, he saw the kid at the other end play and miss a couple, went over to advice him, and guess what? He was bowled the very next ball! Seriously, what is there to tell a tailender when 4 is needed off 1 ball? This isn't bad captaincy, or strategy - it is the symptom of a control freak, who has set ways of doing things, and thinks he can will it out of his wards. The schoolmaster at his worst!
This is not the moron we want grooming our youngsters to handle their professional, personal or business affairs. Most certainly not their "lives". What is that going to be - a paid father job? A job that will take all the fun out of being out in the open, bowling, batting or fielding? That is all cricket is, isn't it? Isn't it the team that does these three things that wins? So, what exactly does Kumble have to do, since he can't teach others to bowl like him, doesn't know how to bat, and is a lousy fielder?
Harsha thinks our youngsters need to be taught how to handle success! Sure, but not by sore losers. Kumble not once happily acknowledged how good another team was when his team was beaten. Being sore and serious, and looking constantly agitated, constipated, disgruntled and aggravated is hardly the way to handle life and this is hardly the moron who should be helping our youngsters become anything like this.
So what if our youngsters don't take life so seriously? They are much more fun than this schoolmaster prick! Fun is what cricket is. It is just a game, for fuck's sake! Who are these idiots who are busy suggesting that fun be taken out of life? We need all the entertainment we get out of something like the IPL, and that is why we pay, and that is why it is rich. I don't grudge any of our kids striking it rich in one season and vanishing the next. His purpose, his dharma, was to burn bright for that one season? So be it! I don't want to see everyone becoming the dull lamp that glows for a hundred years!
Chennai doesn't have any of this scholastic disciplinarian, or corporate management shit. But they are a happy team that rose from 7th place and won the IPL. They are the MOST consistent team in the IPL. Dhoni keeps it simple and kids respond. End of story. The results are there to show. Dhoni is the man and the men in yellow are the happiest team. They even won the Fairplay Award, so they're not stressing out either. Harsha and Kumble, learn from MSD and keep your fucking traps shut.
BSK
15 August 2010
Happy Independence Day!
Today for some reason, Mr. Manmohan Singh, our Prime Minister, sent a “firm” message to Kashmiri youth to give up violence and come to talk. Fat chance, since the security forces there are not talking, they're shooting, and people are dying.
In any case, why this message on this day, which is supposed to celebrate our Independence from foreign rule? What independence? Independence from poverty, illiteracy, dogma, religious perversion, dirty party politics, corruption, human trafficking, disease, a highly inequitable difference between rich and poor, are all yet to come! Ostensibly, we had much less of any of this under British rule, so exactly what have we bought ourselves into?
For some reason, we have offered $5million in assistance to flood ravaged Pakistan, that despicable terrorist breeding, oppressive piece of crap of a neighbour we have. Why in heavens name do we have to make this stupid offer, knowing fully well that most of the money the US gave them for fighting terror have been used to fund terrorist activities against India, and to strengthen military deterrence against us? What kind of dickheads and numbskulls infest the corridors of government power in New Delhi? Are we lunatics? I'd say, let Pakistani leaders who pilfered all the “aid” the USA gave them, in hundreds of millions of dollars to fight terror, now find the $5million to help their own people. Why do we have such a hard time being realistic about our enemies, while not hesitating to celebrate Chanakya?
And now, Pakistan is supposedly “toying” with the idea of accepting our aid only if routed through the UN. So, it takes one more bank account on the way to these egoistic weasels? Well how about our diplomats telling them to get UN approval for their next terrorist strike against us as well? Let's see if we can put that diplomatically - “Our position is that since Pakistan has sought third party involvement in the capacity of an escrow before accepting the friendly offer of monetary aid to flood victims, we would suggest the same third party be utilized for managing Pakistan's next terrorist adventurism against the Indian State. Hitherto, our offer of aid stands cancelled”. In other words, “Fuck You Beggars”. Wouldn't we feel great as Indians just to show some honesty in situations like this?
Now, that begs the question – How come no head of state of ANY country ever gets washed away in flash floods, struck by lightning, crushed in an earthquake, or dies in any natural disaster? It really can't be nature's design to spare presidents and prime ministers. This means, perhaps that it IS possible to take care of ourselves in case of such disasters, but for some reason, we make sure the knowledge or the resources that are in place, keep only the wealthy and the powerful safe! Seriously, would it not be hilarious to read - “US Senator and family killed in landslide that claims 250 lives”? Chances are, any career politician probably never lives close in any sense, to that many people! So, we have our Independence Day and another fucked up year draws to a close. So what's new?
Almost as if by divine design, we have a fiasco over the Commonwealth Games!! The Commonwealth!!! HAHAHAAAA!!! What a cunning term for legal thievery! Notice how the poorer countries in this club never get any benefits but her majesty the queen of england could steal from all over the world? Why the heck were we even angry that she could not attend these games in New Delhi? We're spending thousands of crores on this nonsense and I don't give a fuck about using capitals for these bitches either. Who cares about the hag? Now, that hag is angry that the british royalty is being dragged into matters of corruption because of some silly car rental company being investigated for fraud and the royal bums hired this company for carrying some baton for some insane sum of money! Isn't this the bitch that is sitting on the Kohinoor diamond? Well, how about making her a deal - “You return the Kohinoor, we'll call off this investigation of corruption in the CW games, how about that?”
The other white bitch in Washington, who once flippantly said Mahatma Gandhi worked at a gas station in St. Louis, now says “India and Pakistan have altered the world's nuclear balance!”. Shit, how much balance could have been there during the cold war between two countries that have 10,000+ nuclear warheads in their arsenal, that the few tens that India and Pakistan could have today can disturb? We need to protect 16% of the world's population, and if this shrill whore were to be reminded by our diplomats that if she has 5000 warheads to protect 4% of the world's population, we are entitled to 20,000 warheads, she would shut the fuck up. Her name is Hilary Clinton, and it is time we stopped imagining she is some friend of India's. She is friend of whoever makes her look intelligent, and that sure is never going to be me.
Another rowdy US politician said something today that should have got a tongue lashing from our diplomats. http://www.thelinkpaper.ca/?p=2114 . He called Infosys a “chop shop”, which means, a shop that sells stolen goods, usually referred to a shop that breaks down stolen cars and sells the parts. No matter what Infosys sells, his ass doesn't have to buy in his “free” market, does he? So, why is he even talking about chop shops in the first place? Pretty amazing comment though, about a company that has offices and provides 12,000 jobs in the USA alone! So, are we proud enough to tell this ignorant prick Charles Schumer that we are happy to move our chop shop to Canada? I bet not. Because we have a crap load of our cyber coolies in bonded labour for white bosses. How can we ever let go of that?
Now, none of the above will anger the average Indian very much. Because we are too delicate for any confrontation. We love to be slaves as long as slaves have the “Freedom” to buy into corporate peddled shit, as long as we are told that we are “free people in a free country”. We don't mind our poor people being sold as sex slaves, we don't mind our farmers committing suicide, and we don't give a shit about anything that goes on in this country or elsewhere in the name of this farce called Independence and Freedom.
Listen up, Indians. We are not free until the day you can pick up the phone and call in an injustice and somebody's head rolls by the end of the day. We're not free until the day when we can tell idiots in other countries to shut up and mind their own fucking business when it really is our business. We aren't free until the day our laws are sacred, our work is excellent, and we are all healthy and happy. We're not free until we are rid of every kind of oppression. We aren't free until the day we can do something that, even without a flag painted on it, looks distinctly Indian, and is distinctly beautiful.
We aren't independent from anything, until we are independent from our own apathy. We are a great country, but after 63 years of trying, we still don't have a great nation. It's time to question this bullshit situation. Enough already. Happy Independence Day! Jai Hind.
BSK.
In any case, why this message on this day, which is supposed to celebrate our Independence from foreign rule? What independence? Independence from poverty, illiteracy, dogma, religious perversion, dirty party politics, corruption, human trafficking, disease, a highly inequitable difference between rich and poor, are all yet to come! Ostensibly, we had much less of any of this under British rule, so exactly what have we bought ourselves into?
For some reason, we have offered $5million in assistance to flood ravaged Pakistan, that despicable terrorist breeding, oppressive piece of crap of a neighbour we have. Why in heavens name do we have to make this stupid offer, knowing fully well that most of the money the US gave them for fighting terror have been used to fund terrorist activities against India, and to strengthen military deterrence against us? What kind of dickheads and numbskulls infest the corridors of government power in New Delhi? Are we lunatics? I'd say, let Pakistani leaders who pilfered all the “aid” the USA gave them, in hundreds of millions of dollars to fight terror, now find the $5million to help their own people. Why do we have such a hard time being realistic about our enemies, while not hesitating to celebrate Chanakya?
And now, Pakistan is supposedly “toying” with the idea of accepting our aid only if routed through the UN. So, it takes one more bank account on the way to these egoistic weasels? Well how about our diplomats telling them to get UN approval for their next terrorist strike against us as well? Let's see if we can put that diplomatically - “Our position is that since Pakistan has sought third party involvement in the capacity of an escrow before accepting the friendly offer of monetary aid to flood victims, we would suggest the same third party be utilized for managing Pakistan's next terrorist adventurism against the Indian State. Hitherto, our offer of aid stands cancelled”. In other words, “Fuck You Beggars”. Wouldn't we feel great as Indians just to show some honesty in situations like this?
Now, that begs the question – How come no head of state of ANY country ever gets washed away in flash floods, struck by lightning, crushed in an earthquake, or dies in any natural disaster? It really can't be nature's design to spare presidents and prime ministers. This means, perhaps that it IS possible to take care of ourselves in case of such disasters, but for some reason, we make sure the knowledge or the resources that are in place, keep only the wealthy and the powerful safe! Seriously, would it not be hilarious to read - “US Senator and family killed in landslide that claims 250 lives”? Chances are, any career politician probably never lives close in any sense, to that many people! So, we have our Independence Day and another fucked up year draws to a close. So what's new?
Almost as if by divine design, we have a fiasco over the Commonwealth Games!! The Commonwealth!!! HAHAHAAAA!!! What a cunning term for legal thievery! Notice how the poorer countries in this club never get any benefits but her majesty the queen of england could steal from all over the world? Why the heck were we even angry that she could not attend these games in New Delhi? We're spending thousands of crores on this nonsense and I don't give a fuck about using capitals for these bitches either. Who cares about the hag? Now, that hag is angry that the british royalty is being dragged into matters of corruption because of some silly car rental company being investigated for fraud and the royal bums hired this company for carrying some baton for some insane sum of money! Isn't this the bitch that is sitting on the Kohinoor diamond? Well, how about making her a deal - “You return the Kohinoor, we'll call off this investigation of corruption in the CW games, how about that?”
The other white bitch in Washington, who once flippantly said Mahatma Gandhi worked at a gas station in St. Louis, now says “India and Pakistan have altered the world's nuclear balance!”. Shit, how much balance could have been there during the cold war between two countries that have 10,000+ nuclear warheads in their arsenal, that the few tens that India and Pakistan could have today can disturb? We need to protect 16% of the world's population, and if this shrill whore were to be reminded by our diplomats that if she has 5000 warheads to protect 4% of the world's population, we are entitled to 20,000 warheads, she would shut the fuck up. Her name is Hilary Clinton, and it is time we stopped imagining she is some friend of India's. She is friend of whoever makes her look intelligent, and that sure is never going to be me.
Another rowdy US politician said something today that should have got a tongue lashing from our diplomats. http://www.thelinkpaper.ca/?p=2114 . He called Infosys a “chop shop”, which means, a shop that sells stolen goods, usually referred to a shop that breaks down stolen cars and sells the parts. No matter what Infosys sells, his ass doesn't have to buy in his “free” market, does he? So, why is he even talking about chop shops in the first place? Pretty amazing comment though, about a company that has offices and provides 12,000 jobs in the USA alone! So, are we proud enough to tell this ignorant prick Charles Schumer that we are happy to move our chop shop to Canada? I bet not. Because we have a crap load of our cyber coolies in bonded labour for white bosses. How can we ever let go of that?
Now, none of the above will anger the average Indian very much. Because we are too delicate for any confrontation. We love to be slaves as long as slaves have the “Freedom” to buy into corporate peddled shit, as long as we are told that we are “free people in a free country”. We don't mind our poor people being sold as sex slaves, we don't mind our farmers committing suicide, and we don't give a shit about anything that goes on in this country or elsewhere in the name of this farce called Independence and Freedom.
Listen up, Indians. We are not free until the day you can pick up the phone and call in an injustice and somebody's head rolls by the end of the day. We're not free until the day when we can tell idiots in other countries to shut up and mind their own fucking business when it really is our business. We aren't free until the day our laws are sacred, our work is excellent, and we are all healthy and happy. We're not free until we are rid of every kind of oppression. We aren't free until the day we can do something that, even without a flag painted on it, looks distinctly Indian, and is distinctly beautiful.
We aren't independent from anything, until we are independent from our own apathy. We are a great country, but after 63 years of trying, we still don't have a great nation. It's time to question this bullshit situation. Enough already. Happy Independence Day! Jai Hind.
BSK.
13 August 2010
The usual, rampant, shameless, immature, shrill, robotic bullshit.
SPOILER ALERT:
If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".
http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece
For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.
Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.
Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.
Here is my take on some of this crap.
1. Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual! Hello? Aren't all professionals supposed to do this? Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual. Does being on time lead to a good film? Of course not. But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason. "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"? A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual. So? Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest. In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.
2. Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt! ?? This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts. As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050". In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art? Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!? So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter? By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata? Remember arrows welding each other on TV? That was a long time ago, too! Some more bullshit.
3. Oh, please. Sivaji was not a stupendous success. As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit. The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more. If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money? More bullshit.
4. Shankar has handled diverse themes? Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective. And what exactly does "completely" original mean? Here's a holler and a hoot. Shankar says "I can't repeat myself. I need challenges" !!!! Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit. That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!
5. "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero". Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo? "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"?? So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills? Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product? Aishwarya Rai is eye candy. Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions. Let's leave it at that, shall we? We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute. "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.
6. "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets". If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we? “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work? Didn't he see what he made? Was it stunning? Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar? Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment. And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!
7. And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about? Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard. For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two! Or was it too? God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept. In fact, I can think of Robocop as well. If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme. Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood! Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music. Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.
And today is Friday the 13th. I swear to God, I ......
BSK.
If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".
http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece
For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.
Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.
Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.
Here is my take on some of this crap.
1. Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual! Hello? Aren't all professionals supposed to do this? Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual. Does being on time lead to a good film? Of course not. But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason. "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"? A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual. So? Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest. In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.
2. Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt! ?? This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts. As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050". In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art? Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!? So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter? By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata? Remember arrows welding each other on TV? That was a long time ago, too! Some more bullshit.
3. Oh, please. Sivaji was not a stupendous success. As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit. The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more. If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money? More bullshit.
4. Shankar has handled diverse themes? Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective. And what exactly does "completely" original mean? Here's a holler and a hoot. Shankar says "I can't repeat myself. I need challenges" !!!! Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit. That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!
5. "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero". Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo? "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"?? So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills? Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product? Aishwarya Rai is eye candy. Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions. Let's leave it at that, shall we? We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute. "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.
6. "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets". If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we? “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work? Didn't he see what he made? Was it stunning? Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar? Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment. And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!
7. And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about? Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard. For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two! Or was it too? God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept. In fact, I can think of Robocop as well. If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme. Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood! Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music. Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.
And today is Friday the 13th. I swear to God, I ......
BSK.
17 July 2010
The empire of the Indian Rupee!
Wow!
India has finally joined the "elite", "exclusive" club of currencies that have their own symbols. Surely, our lives will change infinitely for the better now.
Let's see how. We can now freely take Indian Rupees to all the countries of the world, like NEPAL! BHUTAN! ... and... and... and... @#$(*^&!
Well we've atleast got a new symbol that stands for our independence, our separation from other rupees like those of our neighbours, so that people will not get confused, and this is an "exclusive" club, isn't it? Yes, indeed! Surely, anybody would get very confused without a symbol if they were to wonder if they are in Pakistan, Nepal, Sri Lanka or Indonesia after getting out of an airport and exchanging their money for local money. In fact, it might be hard for some people notice in which of these great countries they just landed, so this symbol, (which will NOT be printed on any currency notes!) will indeed help absolve us of any guilt of confusion.
Now that we have this major problem averted, let's see what we can buy with the new Indian Rupee (without the symbol or with it), which will no doubt continue to be hugely accepted in Nepal and Bhutan. Um! those rocks on the bank of the Kali Ghantaki were pretty attractive, I must say. And Bhutan does sell some handicrafts, yak cheese and jewellery. Pretty neat huh?
Let's not worry about oil, arms and ammunitions, ships, planes, nuclear fuel, computer chips, medical equipment, or foodgrains which we now seem to have developed a chronic shortage for. For all of this, we might still need those pesky dollars, which we have 279 billion of. And none of them, shame on them, have the $ symbol either! But, according to Information and Broadcasting Minister Ambika Soni: "It's a big statement on the Indian currency. The symbol would lend a distinctive character and identity to the currency and further highlight the strength and global face of the Indian economy." The global face that can grin while lapping up all the handicrafts, yak cheese and jewellery and rocks from the banks of the Kali Ghantaki.
Further - It would be included in the 'Unicode Standard' and major scripts of the world so as to ensure that it is easily displayed and printed in the electronic and print media, apparently. Now, it would be impossible for the world's media to print "Indian Rupees" wouldn't it? So, we give them this new symbol. To proudly add a key on their keyboards, through a mysteriously long cumbersome sequence of keystrokes a little harder than those that result in the symbols for the Euro, the Yen, or the Zambian Kwacha. Phew! Thank God we recognize how important this is going to be.
But what are we going to do about "Crore"s and "Lakh"s? The rest of the world has no idea what these words mean, and nor do I always catch some North Indian saying "Karod" either! Are we going to switch to millions and billions? Or are we going to request others start using karods and laakh? How about convincing the Americans go switch to Ek, do, teen, too? That might make our lives easier too!
In a world that doesn't care for the Indian Rupee, even our Indian Premier League, our shiny showcase of international sports power, uses American dollars to evaluate the worth of their franchises and players. Fact is, we don't make anything the world would want to pay in rupees for. Heck, we wouldn't want them to pay in rupees for anything, because we don't want anybody else's rupees either! We want their Dollars, Euros, Pounds, and anything else that can be freely converted to Dollars, Euros or Pounds.
So, why is Delhi embarking upon this phallic ritual? Because we recognize that in order to feel good about being "Indian" we can hit only symbolic milestones, come up with icons and gestures in the absence of true global leverage for any of our resources. NOBODY travelling to India from anywhere other than Nepal and Bhutan can actually get Indian Rupees to bring to India. Nobody has any and nobody wants to have any. Because we are absolutely loving it, exactly the way the McPoliticians in Delhi have designed this system donkey's years ago. We don't have the confidence to make our currency fully convertible. And we dare not come up with any adventurism there. Heck, we have even come up with this symbol, approved by Union Cabinet on Thursday "to distinguish the currency of our over $ 1-trillion economy" - not the 45 trillion rupee economy! (How the fuck we have a trillion "dollar" economy when we have only 279 billion dollars in reserve beats me!)
But, according to these dummies who have come up with the need for this - it is good enough! We're getting our bloody symbol!
BSK.
15 July 2010
The Next Gen Indian Brain!
Who else but an Indian company can do this, and who else but Indians would be proud of something as dreadful as this?
My brain is....
My brain is.....
Hidden by my tummy! Okay....
Of course...
Please. Does it really take so many of our retards to put this industry together? How about taking an incredible device like the human brain and downgrading it to the level of a dumb chip? Seriously, how insulting on years of amazing evolution, that we should be proud of finally achieving the greatness of a microchip? Isn't the human brain behind the making of these chips anyway?
If I remember right, this company is also the one that puts out ads. like, "Oh, see that cow? It gives milk because its teats were designed by our engineers!" "See that kid walk like a frog? Our computers designed the sponge of his shoes!", yap all over the world about how great India and Indians are, but aren't proud enough to proclaim themselves as a "Rupees" 22,000 crore company. It is always a "$" 5 billion company. Talk about pride!!!
BSK.
21 May 2010
Blaming Dhoni are we?
It is one thing to have expectations, and it is very human to be disappointed.
But it takes a very mean person to unload blame on an individual when a team's performance is involved. It takes a very stupid person to do that when the team is playing a sport, in a tournament in which 11 teams won't win. Clearly, we Indians are in no short supply for mean or stupid people, when 48%, according to a poll on Cricinfo, think Dhoni's errors cost us the World T20, in response to Dhoni's measured reference to IPL after match parties taking a toll on players and resulting fatigue.
Less than two weeks ago, the same MS Dhoni was at the top of his tactical game, when he won the IPL for Chennai Super Kings. It would take some imagination to think he would have drained his acumen on the flight to the Caribbean. Ravi Shastri called India's performance "pathetic", and Madan Lal has accused Dhoni of making "lame excuses". In his young career, MS Dhoni has won more for India than these two clowns could ever dream of. And he's still playing, and playing great, dominant, world beating cricket. Let's not forget it wasn't until Dhoni took over as captain that India reached the #1 spot in Tests and we're almost there in ODIs. I bet some of these bastards will scramble to say Dhoni has the best team India has ever produced! Bless the team when we win and blame the captain when we lose? Some consistency this!
To be capable of scathing criticism, one must be a top performer. Ravi Shastri and Madan Lal were never top performers. Madan Lal used to bowl a little quicker than Anil Kumble, and field like a rabbit with three paws missing. The only reason he didn't look as "pathetic" as he was, was because a certain stalwart by the name of Kapil Dev would be bowling beautifully from the other end. Ravi Shastri was a hopeless grafter who managed to gather fifties and win an Audi in the World Series Cup only because Srikkanth was blazing away at the other end. For these bloodsucking leeches to come out of the woodwork and opportunistically attack MS Dhoni is a new low, but it is very Indian.
South Africa, perhaps the most "professional" outfit in the world, also exited the World T20, in the same stage as India. No fuss. So did the West Indies, and New Zealand, who have hammered India on a few occasions in this format. No fuss. India lose, the country wants to burn Dhoni and his team. The callous way in which our news media makes this look like the team needs some sort of punishment for losing should tell us a lot about our national character. Nobody, including the Padma Shri decorated journalists have an ounce of character that MS Dhoni has. It is time to show him some respect. Win some, lose some, even the mighty Aussies were humbled on a day that belonged to England.
If Dhoni has enough gravity to not blame any individual players, if he has the guts to back young Ravindra Jadeja, and if he stands by his decisions, he can just as easily point to the not too distant past of his captaincy and remind us of the first World T20, beating Australia in Australia, beating South Africa, the West Indies, and the quiet ascendancy to the top of the world rankings and tell everyone to shut up. But he has cautiously and politely got us to examine the excesses of the IPL, that have left players with insufficient rest, and given a gentlemanly wake up call to those running on the assumption that carrying no injury equals fitness and those ignorant of the truth that fitness in competitive sport is having enough in the tank to pull out something extra when needed.
None of our players had anything extra when needed, except the kilos of weight Yuvraj has put on. Dhoni still kept faith in him, for one simple reason - he is a proven match winner. He is the 6-sixer hitter, remember? Our players did their best under the circumstances. Let's not forget that for a moment. The circumstances were however, inclusive of an obligation to party through the night, thanks to that asshole Lalit Modi selling the video rights for those parties for a whopping fifty million dollars! Can he be blamed for this debacle? No! Because he is there precisely to be the super commercial minded asshole missionary that can make the IPL richer! No trouble understanding that, have we?
Now, let's look at this rubbish notion that players are keener on playing in the IPL than for the country? Didn't we all take pride that India's IPL is the richest league in the world? Didn't we all glow in glee with the meteoric rise of the IPL? How un-Indian is the IPL? It is also a part of our cricketing folklore isn't it? How many of us know that the BCCI is a Trust that doesn't pay taxes? That is who our players are playing for, not India, get it? If the trust pays less than an IPL franchise, what's wrong in playing better for the franchise? It is clearly the sensible thing to do, is it not? Even though it may be too much for our pea brains to wrap around, facts are facts.
We want our players to be professionals, so that they get better at what they do. Being professional is about making rational choices, not emotionally clouded ones. Our cricket team is the best 15 we have in this country. We cannot "infuse it with new blood" as Ravi Shastri suggests, since the second tier in quality has some catching up to do. This lot is not old, and is a supremely fit unit, given enough rest. There is enough and more firepower and quality to take us to many more highs. It would be absurd to imagine this lot would suddenly become as mediocre as our older generation of cricketers or our media.
The Chennai Super Kings is a success story. It is a success story because it has plenty of good brains behind it. Great ethics, good display of everything needed to be a winning item. The BCCI is not such a good show. It has been around far too long in mediocrity to be suddenly rid of its problems, but it is taking some steps right. The Chennai Super Kings didn't party through the night. Many other teams did. The results are there to show. MS Dhoni, the superb athlete that he is, said the right thing about taking care of the body. He has taken care of his, while the others aren't such shining examples.
The media, rightly admonished by Amitabh Bachchan, should apologize to Dhoni for going overboard with criticism, most of it unwarranted. Our media is full of unprofessional goof ups! From calling Hindi the National Language, to unquestioningly accept that Barack Obama is indeed the USA's first black president, there has been ignorance, apathy, incompetence and sheer stupidity from many of the idiots who fill the idiot box. Compared to this, and our country's 134th position in the Human Development Index, Dhoni and his boys are way, way ahead.
The consummate gentleman that he is, and the intelligent person that he is, MS Dhoni has remained aloof, and even said how quickly things can change from love to hatred with the Indian public. The media is definitely to blame in adding fuel to any flame, whether it is positive or negative, all in the name of getting ratings. But actually, it is more than that. It is a cheap catering to the Indian Mob Mentality, which is there to bash anyone into the ground if that person is not in a position to hit back. We do not attack corrupt politicians that actually affect our lives do we? But we have no problem stoning cricketers' houses, burning effigies and going overboard with our boys who are not even 30 years old!
By the way, the most anti-national act I have ever seen from any cricketer is from Sunil Gavaskar. I respect him for many other things, but there is no way I will forgive him for carrying his bat for 60 overs and scoring 36 not out, in a game in which we were chasing over 300. THAT is the generation that produced the unheroes who tried not to lose too embarrassingly, who paid more attention to their attire than diving for a catch, and that is the lot that led a pampered life, neither setting great expectations nor reaching for great heights, playing less than half the time today's boys do, and losing ten times as many games.
The Indian cricket team of today deserves all the accolades they get. I have no problems with them making millions of any kind of money. I have no problems if they party late into any night, and I have no problem if they get sex from waitresses and adoring female fans at parties. They play great cricket, and that is their dharma, and they know they are good. It isn't easy being #1 or #2 in the world in any sport.
Let's see what we can do to bring our country upto the #1 and #2 spots in ANY other damn field! Till then, shut up about MS Dhoni. He and his boys have already done great for us.
BSK
But it takes a very mean person to unload blame on an individual when a team's performance is involved. It takes a very stupid person to do that when the team is playing a sport, in a tournament in which 11 teams won't win. Clearly, we Indians are in no short supply for mean or stupid people, when 48%, according to a poll on Cricinfo, think Dhoni's errors cost us the World T20, in response to Dhoni's measured reference to IPL after match parties taking a toll on players and resulting fatigue.
Less than two weeks ago, the same MS Dhoni was at the top of his tactical game, when he won the IPL for Chennai Super Kings. It would take some imagination to think he would have drained his acumen on the flight to the Caribbean. Ravi Shastri called India's performance "pathetic", and Madan Lal has accused Dhoni of making "lame excuses". In his young career, MS Dhoni has won more for India than these two clowns could ever dream of. And he's still playing, and playing great, dominant, world beating cricket. Let's not forget it wasn't until Dhoni took over as captain that India reached the #1 spot in Tests and we're almost there in ODIs. I bet some of these bastards will scramble to say Dhoni has the best team India has ever produced! Bless the team when we win and blame the captain when we lose? Some consistency this!
To be capable of scathing criticism, one must be a top performer. Ravi Shastri and Madan Lal were never top performers. Madan Lal used to bowl a little quicker than Anil Kumble, and field like a rabbit with three paws missing. The only reason he didn't look as "pathetic" as he was, was because a certain stalwart by the name of Kapil Dev would be bowling beautifully from the other end. Ravi Shastri was a hopeless grafter who managed to gather fifties and win an Audi in the World Series Cup only because Srikkanth was blazing away at the other end. For these bloodsucking leeches to come out of the woodwork and opportunistically attack MS Dhoni is a new low, but it is very Indian.
South Africa, perhaps the most "professional" outfit in the world, also exited the World T20, in the same stage as India. No fuss. So did the West Indies, and New Zealand, who have hammered India on a few occasions in this format. No fuss. India lose, the country wants to burn Dhoni and his team. The callous way in which our news media makes this look like the team needs some sort of punishment for losing should tell us a lot about our national character. Nobody, including the Padma Shri decorated journalists have an ounce of character that MS Dhoni has. It is time to show him some respect. Win some, lose some, even the mighty Aussies were humbled on a day that belonged to England.
If Dhoni has enough gravity to not blame any individual players, if he has the guts to back young Ravindra Jadeja, and if he stands by his decisions, he can just as easily point to the not too distant past of his captaincy and remind us of the first World T20, beating Australia in Australia, beating South Africa, the West Indies, and the quiet ascendancy to the top of the world rankings and tell everyone to shut up. But he has cautiously and politely got us to examine the excesses of the IPL, that have left players with insufficient rest, and given a gentlemanly wake up call to those running on the assumption that carrying no injury equals fitness and those ignorant of the truth that fitness in competitive sport is having enough in the tank to pull out something extra when needed.
None of our players had anything extra when needed, except the kilos of weight Yuvraj has put on. Dhoni still kept faith in him, for one simple reason - he is a proven match winner. He is the 6-sixer hitter, remember? Our players did their best under the circumstances. Let's not forget that for a moment. The circumstances were however, inclusive of an obligation to party through the night, thanks to that asshole Lalit Modi selling the video rights for those parties for a whopping fifty million dollars! Can he be blamed for this debacle? No! Because he is there precisely to be the super commercial minded asshole missionary that can make the IPL richer! No trouble understanding that, have we?
Now, let's look at this rubbish notion that players are keener on playing in the IPL than for the country? Didn't we all take pride that India's IPL is the richest league in the world? Didn't we all glow in glee with the meteoric rise of the IPL? How un-Indian is the IPL? It is also a part of our cricketing folklore isn't it? How many of us know that the BCCI is a Trust that doesn't pay taxes? That is who our players are playing for, not India, get it? If the trust pays less than an IPL franchise, what's wrong in playing better for the franchise? It is clearly the sensible thing to do, is it not? Even though it may be too much for our pea brains to wrap around, facts are facts.
We want our players to be professionals, so that they get better at what they do. Being professional is about making rational choices, not emotionally clouded ones. Our cricket team is the best 15 we have in this country. We cannot "infuse it with new blood" as Ravi Shastri suggests, since the second tier in quality has some catching up to do. This lot is not old, and is a supremely fit unit, given enough rest. There is enough and more firepower and quality to take us to many more highs. It would be absurd to imagine this lot would suddenly become as mediocre as our older generation of cricketers or our media.
The Chennai Super Kings is a success story. It is a success story because it has plenty of good brains behind it. Great ethics, good display of everything needed to be a winning item. The BCCI is not such a good show. It has been around far too long in mediocrity to be suddenly rid of its problems, but it is taking some steps right. The Chennai Super Kings didn't party through the night. Many other teams did. The results are there to show. MS Dhoni, the superb athlete that he is, said the right thing about taking care of the body. He has taken care of his, while the others aren't such shining examples.
The media, rightly admonished by Amitabh Bachchan, should apologize to Dhoni for going overboard with criticism, most of it unwarranted. Our media is full of unprofessional goof ups! From calling Hindi the National Language, to unquestioningly accept that Barack Obama is indeed the USA's first black president, there has been ignorance, apathy, incompetence and sheer stupidity from many of the idiots who fill the idiot box. Compared to this, and our country's 134th position in the Human Development Index, Dhoni and his boys are way, way ahead.
The consummate gentleman that he is, and the intelligent person that he is, MS Dhoni has remained aloof, and even said how quickly things can change from love to hatred with the Indian public. The media is definitely to blame in adding fuel to any flame, whether it is positive or negative, all in the name of getting ratings. But actually, it is more than that. It is a cheap catering to the Indian Mob Mentality, which is there to bash anyone into the ground if that person is not in a position to hit back. We do not attack corrupt politicians that actually affect our lives do we? But we have no problem stoning cricketers' houses, burning effigies and going overboard with our boys who are not even 30 years old!
By the way, the most anti-national act I have ever seen from any cricketer is from Sunil Gavaskar. I respect him for many other things, but there is no way I will forgive him for carrying his bat for 60 overs and scoring 36 not out, in a game in which we were chasing over 300. THAT is the generation that produced the unheroes who tried not to lose too embarrassingly, who paid more attention to their attire than diving for a catch, and that is the lot that led a pampered life, neither setting great expectations nor reaching for great heights, playing less than half the time today's boys do, and losing ten times as many games.
The Indian cricket team of today deserves all the accolades they get. I have no problems with them making millions of any kind of money. I have no problems if they party late into any night, and I have no problem if they get sex from waitresses and adoring female fans at parties. They play great cricket, and that is their dharma, and they know they are good. It isn't easy being #1 or #2 in the world in any sport.
Let's see what we can do to bring our country upto the #1 and #2 spots in ANY other damn field! Till then, shut up about MS Dhoni. He and his boys have already done great for us.
BSK
22 April 2010
IPLease ask the right questions!
The Indian Premier League has been in the news like a rabid dog peeing all over the neighbourhood for the last few days. It hasn't spared one tree, pole, gate, wall, shrub or blade of grass. It is the same stench everywhere.
First and foremost, this is a test of integrity, and Lalit Modi, who was arrested in the USA for illegal possession of cocaine, isn't a shining beacon of hope on this front. So, let the shady bugger burn - who cares? Let's get this straight - he is no hero. He stole Kapil Dev's business model of the ICL, which was already successful, used the BCCI's lousy officialdom to shut the ICL down, took pride in being "ruthless", and blew up the IPL to where the ICL was rightfully headed. Now, in Karma's lovely way, he's getting it rammed up his lisping arse, and I couldn't be more gleeful. But this is all small snack.
The IT department has been busy "surveying" all the offices of the IPL franchises, as if the fools will find anything in two days that they didn't find in the last three years! We have heard of tax havens and overseas accounts and shady money being laundered through the system and a thousand different people coming under the scanner. For heavens sake, wouldn't the people smart enough to use tax havens in the first place be smart enough to answer all questions? For most part, the structures will be totally legal, just wait and watch. Nothing is going to shake the palace down, for it was already fortified to withstand tremors much bigger than this!
Where are the real questions? Where is the incisive analysis that can get us to the bottom of this veiled chaos?
We are asking questions on why there is so much "foreign money" coming into the IPL. Well, DUH! The auctions were all held in US Dollars, remember, dumbos? Surely, it won't be Sakthi Sugarcane Juice and Mouli's Fancy Shop investing millions of US Dollars! Ask the real question - this is the bloody INDIAN Premier League, and is supposed to be for Indian cricketers and Indian cricket lovers primarily, using OUR players, OUR infrastructure and OUR TV audiences to make money out of. So, why the fuck are the bids in US Dollars and not in Indian Rupees? Is our country's money not good enough for our own league? Where is the national pride in evaluating our worth in US Dollars?
Modi is the kind of rascal that will wag his tail as much as he is allowed to. Cut it, and he will whimper into a corner. Does his tail deserve to be cut? IF he has procured stakes in three franchisees on his behalf through his relatives, then there is a clear case of him owning a stake in the outcome of the matches those franchises play and therefore one can ask why he as IPL commissioner is so freaking happy when Rajasthan wins, or why he should cheer with SRK for Kolkata. Well, now we know. If the outcome of the games played by a few sides can actually bring benefits to Modi, that is a clear conflict of interest. In the absence of precise laws, however, this is something that won't send him to jail straightaway. The part that can make him look worse is how he never mentioned to anyone, even in the BCCI, that he would like to disclose that some friends and relatives of his would own shares in 3 franchises. Simple enough, and would have put him above suspicion, since he declared this potential prickly point.
It was Modi who negotiated the TV rights of the after game parties of the IPL for US$50million. That's a whopping amount of money and Kapil would not have done this. So, is this pure genius? Yes, but it is the genius of the hustler, not the caring entrepreneur. The difference is that the caring entrepreneur will wonder where to draw the line, and whether having all night parties is a good thing for the players and the game and the image that so many role models will project to the world. More than that, he will concern himself with the more fundamental question - if the parties are a wind down routine, then let the boys have a good time, and let's leave them alone.
The hustler will wonder what can happen at the party that can increase the sale price of the voyeuristic rights to this "behind the scenes" record of events. It isn't that creative in any case to get some music going, some women on the floor, and get some booze to flow. Any middle class city kid in India knows to put this sort of party together. This prick is a hustler, period. Let's not shy away from fact. So, here's the second question - how was a hustler chosen to lead the IPL in the first place? The reason could be that he can get a lot of people to believe in his hustle! But the real reason is, and give it to the fox here - hustlers are quick, and someone who can move at Modi's speed is needed to supercharge something like the IPL. That's a plus, especially in India. But the hustler will continue to hustle. You can hire him to build a temple, but please let him not perform the pujas. Lesson to be learnt.
A lot of Indians will be disappointed with the turn of events but not with Modi. Why not? Because Modi is secretly what a lot of Indians wish to be like - dynamic, unstoppable, "ruthless" in his own words, and super successful. India is just starting to see this kind of animal, not because it is new to this land, but now, because of the numbers, we are comparable to the hustlers in other countries, and hence the media attention. Despite all admissions to the contrary, the media loves Lalit Modi. Who else can provide them with so much material to fill the voids of their own existences? Notice how our media always asks questions in reaction to what the guy says, never forcing him to think up something new in response? That is sheer incompetence, and Modi fits right into the scheme.
The BIG escape for the IPL is, and one that is still very much available - it can move outside India. It can take all its franchises and its offices and move to the Cayman Islands. That is just the movement of an office! For some reason, our government doesn't seem to be able to wrap its head around this idea! In this time and age, where your office is registered has very little to do with where you do business. The IPL can exist as a separate entity, merely conducting matches in India, by paying the BCCI, and do ALL its business from Cayman Islands. And it would be thoroughly legal, and in fact, much more efficient. No taxes, no questions asked. Money comes, money goes, everybody is happy. The players get paid, the franchises all see money, TV happens, ads happen, the event happens, and absolutely nothing on the ground needs to change!
This is all about television. Set Max has paid upward of a billion US dollars (what else?) to get the rights for 10 years. What difference does it make to them? The audiences have been beautifully recruited. They are going to watch Set Max no matter where the games are played. Do you think any of them gives a shit where the IPL's office is located? The only problem is, the IPL is under the BCCI, and the BCCI has a few stuck pigeons in it. They will not let the IPL become a separate body. This is what Modi didn't bargain for. Most hustlers have a breaking point and the 26th of April is Modi's breaking point. On that day, all the "offiicialdom" that he used to destroy the ICL will be thrown at him, and he doesn't stand a fucking chance. Poor little rich bitch.
Modi isn't so successful because he is the ultimate hustler. He knows how much competence it will take to catch up with his shenanigans. All this taxman raiding or surveying business is going to wear thin fairly quickly. All it takes is competent Chartered Accountants and the franchises would all have hired great people. Now, the one thing that can blow in his face is this, literally - the explosions in Bangalore that moved the semi finals to Navi Mumbai. The explosions themselves aren't great, but the fact that the Karnataka Police have said that the "betting mafia" was behind the blasts! So, there exists a betting mafia that the Karnataka Police knew about? Of course that begs the next question - what the fuck were you doing if they were not able to just conduct business, but also able to place bombs in the stadium? Fundamental, right?
Some people will get caught, not because the cops are that good, but because the bastards can smell money. Now they have the leverage to extort some big money from the betting mafia. But they will also have to come up with some facts, just to look good, in case the politicians who are no doubt involved, are made to look bad before this cloud blows over.
If the betting mafia spills a few beans, they will necessarily mention Modi by name. Why? Because Modi the hustler trusts only himself at the centre of the dealmaking! So, IF any deal was struck, he struck it, not a lesser clown. It is this style that has led to the allegation that he offered the Kochi franchisees US$50 million to walk away from a deal they won! Imagine offering 50 million to walk away from a deal they pledged to pay 333 millon for! Keep the change, Lisper boy! No wonder they refused. But what is Modi's gall in making that offer? The veiled threat is that the outcome of the Kochi franchise's future would be in Modi's hand, and he could make life miserable for them. So, this is like doing business with the devil, and the devil himself wants to give you money so he can do business with someone else instead. Luckily, the Gaikwads were no pushover, and they stuck to their deal.
Shashi Tharoor remains an enigma in this story. It's completely believable that the interest he took in Kerala cricket prompted him to make the phone calls asking why there was a delay with the Kochi franchise, and it is completely believable that his friend Sunanda Pushkar was merely introduced by him to help them out. If Tharoor has anything to do with the unleashing of the taxmen on all IPL affairs, then, good for him! That won't accomplish anything if everybody has been paying taxes properly, but it shows he won't hesitate to see how you look under a cloud of suspicion. After all, that's what Modi did to him - put him under a cloud of suspicion and made him resign! What Modi doesn't have the sense to think about is that a resigned man has a lot of time on his hands - and we know whose workshop an idle mind is.
Our media needs to learn to ask the right questions, the incisive ones, the uncomfortable ones that will bring something new to light and make us think about everything in a new way. Instead, fools, even the assholes with Padma Shris, ask dumb questions like "Is the image of cricket tarnished?". Well, fuck, duh! Who doesn't know the answer to this one? Like we're a philosophical society given to discussing the impact of religiousness without a proportionate influx of agnostic spiritualism! We're passive aggressive, gossip loving dumb jerks who love to see people go down. But let's know why someone went down and how we contributed to the system that put him up in the first place! Let's learn to take some responsibility. Let's learn to freaking wake the fuck up and ask the right questions.
BSK.
First and foremost, this is a test of integrity, and Lalit Modi, who was arrested in the USA for illegal possession of cocaine, isn't a shining beacon of hope on this front. So, let the shady bugger burn - who cares? Let's get this straight - he is no hero. He stole Kapil Dev's business model of the ICL, which was already successful, used the BCCI's lousy officialdom to shut the ICL down, took pride in being "ruthless", and blew up the IPL to where the ICL was rightfully headed. Now, in Karma's lovely way, he's getting it rammed up his lisping arse, and I couldn't be more gleeful. But this is all small snack.
The IT department has been busy "surveying" all the offices of the IPL franchises, as if the fools will find anything in two days that they didn't find in the last three years! We have heard of tax havens and overseas accounts and shady money being laundered through the system and a thousand different people coming under the scanner. For heavens sake, wouldn't the people smart enough to use tax havens in the first place be smart enough to answer all questions? For most part, the structures will be totally legal, just wait and watch. Nothing is going to shake the palace down, for it was already fortified to withstand tremors much bigger than this!
Where are the real questions? Where is the incisive analysis that can get us to the bottom of this veiled chaos?
We are asking questions on why there is so much "foreign money" coming into the IPL. Well, DUH! The auctions were all held in US Dollars, remember, dumbos? Surely, it won't be Sakthi Sugarcane Juice and Mouli's Fancy Shop investing millions of US Dollars! Ask the real question - this is the bloody INDIAN Premier League, and is supposed to be for Indian cricketers and Indian cricket lovers primarily, using OUR players, OUR infrastructure and OUR TV audiences to make money out of. So, why the fuck are the bids in US Dollars and not in Indian Rupees? Is our country's money not good enough for our own league? Where is the national pride in evaluating our worth in US Dollars?
Modi is the kind of rascal that will wag his tail as much as he is allowed to. Cut it, and he will whimper into a corner. Does his tail deserve to be cut? IF he has procured stakes in three franchisees on his behalf through his relatives, then there is a clear case of him owning a stake in the outcome of the matches those franchises play and therefore one can ask why he as IPL commissioner is so freaking happy when Rajasthan wins, or why he should cheer with SRK for Kolkata. Well, now we know. If the outcome of the games played by a few sides can actually bring benefits to Modi, that is a clear conflict of interest. In the absence of precise laws, however, this is something that won't send him to jail straightaway. The part that can make him look worse is how he never mentioned to anyone, even in the BCCI, that he would like to disclose that some friends and relatives of his would own shares in 3 franchises. Simple enough, and would have put him above suspicion, since he declared this potential prickly point.
It was Modi who negotiated the TV rights of the after game parties of the IPL for US$50million. That's a whopping amount of money and Kapil would not have done this. So, is this pure genius? Yes, but it is the genius of the hustler, not the caring entrepreneur. The difference is that the caring entrepreneur will wonder where to draw the line, and whether having all night parties is a good thing for the players and the game and the image that so many role models will project to the world. More than that, he will concern himself with the more fundamental question - if the parties are a wind down routine, then let the boys have a good time, and let's leave them alone.
The hustler will wonder what can happen at the party that can increase the sale price of the voyeuristic rights to this "behind the scenes" record of events. It isn't that creative in any case to get some music going, some women on the floor, and get some booze to flow. Any middle class city kid in India knows to put this sort of party together. This prick is a hustler, period. Let's not shy away from fact. So, here's the second question - how was a hustler chosen to lead the IPL in the first place? The reason could be that he can get a lot of people to believe in his hustle! But the real reason is, and give it to the fox here - hustlers are quick, and someone who can move at Modi's speed is needed to supercharge something like the IPL. That's a plus, especially in India. But the hustler will continue to hustle. You can hire him to build a temple, but please let him not perform the pujas. Lesson to be learnt.
A lot of Indians will be disappointed with the turn of events but not with Modi. Why not? Because Modi is secretly what a lot of Indians wish to be like - dynamic, unstoppable, "ruthless" in his own words, and super successful. India is just starting to see this kind of animal, not because it is new to this land, but now, because of the numbers, we are comparable to the hustlers in other countries, and hence the media attention. Despite all admissions to the contrary, the media loves Lalit Modi. Who else can provide them with so much material to fill the voids of their own existences? Notice how our media always asks questions in reaction to what the guy says, never forcing him to think up something new in response? That is sheer incompetence, and Modi fits right into the scheme.
The BIG escape for the IPL is, and one that is still very much available - it can move outside India. It can take all its franchises and its offices and move to the Cayman Islands. That is just the movement of an office! For some reason, our government doesn't seem to be able to wrap its head around this idea! In this time and age, where your office is registered has very little to do with where you do business. The IPL can exist as a separate entity, merely conducting matches in India, by paying the BCCI, and do ALL its business from Cayman Islands. And it would be thoroughly legal, and in fact, much more efficient. No taxes, no questions asked. Money comes, money goes, everybody is happy. The players get paid, the franchises all see money, TV happens, ads happen, the event happens, and absolutely nothing on the ground needs to change!
This is all about television. Set Max has paid upward of a billion US dollars (what else?) to get the rights for 10 years. What difference does it make to them? The audiences have been beautifully recruited. They are going to watch Set Max no matter where the games are played. Do you think any of them gives a shit where the IPL's office is located? The only problem is, the IPL is under the BCCI, and the BCCI has a few stuck pigeons in it. They will not let the IPL become a separate body. This is what Modi didn't bargain for. Most hustlers have a breaking point and the 26th of April is Modi's breaking point. On that day, all the "offiicialdom" that he used to destroy the ICL will be thrown at him, and he doesn't stand a fucking chance. Poor little rich bitch.
Modi isn't so successful because he is the ultimate hustler. He knows how much competence it will take to catch up with his shenanigans. All this taxman raiding or surveying business is going to wear thin fairly quickly. All it takes is competent Chartered Accountants and the franchises would all have hired great people. Now, the one thing that can blow in his face is this, literally - the explosions in Bangalore that moved the semi finals to Navi Mumbai. The explosions themselves aren't great, but the fact that the Karnataka Police have said that the "betting mafia" was behind the blasts! So, there exists a betting mafia that the Karnataka Police knew about? Of course that begs the next question - what the fuck were you doing if they were not able to just conduct business, but also able to place bombs in the stadium? Fundamental, right?
Some people will get caught, not because the cops are that good, but because the bastards can smell money. Now they have the leverage to extort some big money from the betting mafia. But they will also have to come up with some facts, just to look good, in case the politicians who are no doubt involved, are made to look bad before this cloud blows over.
If the betting mafia spills a few beans, they will necessarily mention Modi by name. Why? Because Modi the hustler trusts only himself at the centre of the dealmaking! So, IF any deal was struck, he struck it, not a lesser clown. It is this style that has led to the allegation that he offered the Kochi franchisees US$50 million to walk away from a deal they won! Imagine offering 50 million to walk away from a deal they pledged to pay 333 millon for! Keep the change, Lisper boy! No wonder they refused. But what is Modi's gall in making that offer? The veiled threat is that the outcome of the Kochi franchise's future would be in Modi's hand, and he could make life miserable for them. So, this is like doing business with the devil, and the devil himself wants to give you money so he can do business with someone else instead. Luckily, the Gaikwads were no pushover, and they stuck to their deal.
Shashi Tharoor remains an enigma in this story. It's completely believable that the interest he took in Kerala cricket prompted him to make the phone calls asking why there was a delay with the Kochi franchise, and it is completely believable that his friend Sunanda Pushkar was merely introduced by him to help them out. If Tharoor has anything to do with the unleashing of the taxmen on all IPL affairs, then, good for him! That won't accomplish anything if everybody has been paying taxes properly, but it shows he won't hesitate to see how you look under a cloud of suspicion. After all, that's what Modi did to him - put him under a cloud of suspicion and made him resign! What Modi doesn't have the sense to think about is that a resigned man has a lot of time on his hands - and we know whose workshop an idle mind is.
Our media needs to learn to ask the right questions, the incisive ones, the uncomfortable ones that will bring something new to light and make us think about everything in a new way. Instead, fools, even the assholes with Padma Shris, ask dumb questions like "Is the image of cricket tarnished?". Well, fuck, duh! Who doesn't know the answer to this one? Like we're a philosophical society given to discussing the impact of religiousness without a proportionate influx of agnostic spiritualism! We're passive aggressive, gossip loving dumb jerks who love to see people go down. But let's know why someone went down and how we contributed to the system that put him up in the first place! Let's learn to take some responsibility. Let's learn to freaking wake the fuck up and ask the right questions.
BSK.
17 April 2010
Who the hell are we, Indians?
Years ago, in 1947, we bought into this idea of a democratic India. Democracy was still an experiment then, of course, and it still is, and one that has yielded varying results across various countries. So, it cannot be the "system" that is good or bad, it comes down to us, We, the people of India.
We bought into this experimental idea because not many of us had a say in what we buy into, and a few intelligent people who were in the right place at the right time said it was a good idea to build a nation that was based on democratic values - fairness, equality, equitable distribution of resources, freedom of movement, a right to speak, congregate, express ourselves, protest, show dissent, and find representation in the political process that would run this country. We didn't agree, but we didn't disagree either. And somehow, by default, we got shoved into this experiment called democracy.
The great gift we got was the spirit of secularism. Again, just an idea, but one that has somehow grown upon us. It would be too confusing to have discrimination amongst us based on religion, caste or any other separator, so we ran with this too. This part has worked out well, despite all the religious fanatics that still don't get it, and the myriad ways in which dogma still affects our thinking. No political party is completely agnostic to faith, and we remain in the stone ages when it comes to pure spiritualism. Even the Indian tourism industry somehow thinks "spiritual" means "religious"! Stupid, but for most part, not without hope.
The other gifts we got as part of the new idea of India are the wide usage of the English language, a legal framework that roughly resembles that of the UK, a mechanism called "government", a free press, and a military that doesn't interfere with everyday life. These are gifts, because without any of these, we'd have sunk even further into anarchy.
What we didn't bargain for, however, is the need for us to constantly work to keep the above working. For that, it takes effort, above and outside of our personal jobs and duties, and it takes involvement and awareness. In other words, to make India work, we cannot be sitting on our asses and expect the "others" to do their jobs. It is our job to make the country work. This part, we don't get. We are an essentially selfish people, and those amongst us who have some civic sense are likely to appear like activists.
Life in India today is about screwing and not getting screwed. The country be damned, as long as we can make a few bucks and get the life we want. Money can buy us anything, but alas, it cannot buy us a quality country. For that, we need to make some sacrifices and recognize what we need to do. We never took into account the essential nature of the Indian person, while we decided what system we wanted. The essential Indian is corrupt, or corruptible, or accepting of corruption as a way of life. Why would so many millions amongst us pay bribes to get things done that we are legally entitled to? Because we are sheep, and sheep get fleeced.
For some reason, most Indians are really annoyed when I tell them that "Indianness" is about being corrupt, inefficient, dogmatic, AND having a sense of righteousness that the devil himself would be afraid of. Our relationship with God is the one we respect, and hence, if a puja routine is prescribed to an Indian family, they will carry it out religiously, perfectly. If they are told not to dump plastic waste, they might do it to some extent. If they are told to file a case against that official who demanded a bribe to okay their water connection, they won't. They will actually pay the bribe to maintain "the good energy" of their lives - smooth and easy.
This fear of questioning, the fear of reprisals, the fear of showing dissent itself rules over us. And then, for every damn thing, there is God. Somehow, our God is most fierce in folklore and mythology, but very benign when it comes to inciting us to question and fight for what is right. Our righteousness flies directly in the face of our religiousness. Somehow, there is never a discourse on this - on the essential lie of being an Indian in spirit.
The most corrupt rascals in this country dump much money in temples like Tirupathi. Somehow, we cunningly shift the onus of accountability for such ill gotten wealth onto the Lord! Look God, I gave you a crap load of money, now all you need to do is protect me! The Lord has already protected you by making you Indian - not just unlikely to be caught in your act of thievery, but even more likely to make you feel good about stealing and donating to a temple!
For some reason, we frown upon Godmen who have been found having sex with a multitude of women or in the throes of drug induced ecstasy, but we're perfectly all right with elected officials stealing from our coffers to build their personal wealth. I'm not sure what can be more askew! But, this is what is happening - We are angered by being made fools out of - that is the problem here! We fully expect elected officials to steal, but Godmen had to be holy! That's why we get mad at them for having a romp!
Heck, we could also be jealous. Having a sexual romp isn't that available to most of us Indians because we're not that enterprising. That is why we have moral boundaries defined by the boundaries of what we dare to do. It is the exact same reason for the BJP to get mad at Shashi Tharoor - he is not only smooth and articulate, but - hold your breath - has an attractive female friend who is not his wife! That is why the BJP spokesperson, the cunning hypocritical bastard, said "who his girlfriend is, who he is married to, who he divorces, is not our business". Then why mention all that? It is the power of allusion, that most Indians fall flat for. We can raise a scandal on mere speculation and allusion, and without a single fact, splash around so much that muddy water hits everyone!
For some reason, we forget that we are supposed to bow only to the truth. Sathyameva Jayathe, not God. Even God has to be truthful to win. Lord Krishna may be the delightful exception, but then, he is a super being anyway, who is not cluttered in any way. He must be exasperated, because India is cluttered in every way. We don't have a clue how to do anything with elegance, no matter how many resources we have. We need to seriously examine our "Indianness", if we are to get a clue on where we belong, if at all.
If India vanished from the face of the earth today, the rest of the world would not be that adversely impacted. Isn't that such a stunning revelation for the 2nd largest population in the world? The rest of the world might actually heave a sigh of relief. Strangely, the USA, with the much greater wear and tear it imparts to the world, would terrify the world if it pulled a vanishing act! Where would all the computers come from, where would all the Boeing planes come from, and the spares for so many of them flying all over the world, where would arms and ammunition come from, where would the best porn come from, and where would all the great movies come from!??? Who would we sell billions of dollars worth of stuff to? There is no substituting the USA, but India can be forgotten in a jiffy or two at the most. Guess what? They're a democracy too!
So, before we trumpet becoming a superpower, before we get pompous about our incredible place in the world and the role we are here to play, let's look at ourselves and get our basic shit together. Let's give as much importance to rational thinking as we do to moral and religious nonsense. There is no God concept in our Constitution! We aren't fundamentally subscribed to a religious idea of a country. God is a very personal thing, even though we do a puja before launching our spacecraft. For some reason our latest GSLV plunged into the sea. Could it be the wrong brand of incense sticks? No serious investigation into the failure of our first cryogenic engine is likely to result in a finding that blames the pujari.
So, let's learn to blame ourselves first, whenever things go wrong. It is a very good habit to get into. If I call 139 and get wrong information about my train's arrival time, it is upto me to fill out in triplicate, the complaint form at the railway station, and make my grievance known. It is upto us to bitch, and moan, and complain, and sue - till the garbage gets cleared on time, till the road gets relaid, till the sewers stop dumping into our rivers, and till we get every single thing we need to feel like humans again. Indianness cannot be the answer to the questions we are afraid to ask.
BSK.
We bought into this experimental idea because not many of us had a say in what we buy into, and a few intelligent people who were in the right place at the right time said it was a good idea to build a nation that was based on democratic values - fairness, equality, equitable distribution of resources, freedom of movement, a right to speak, congregate, express ourselves, protest, show dissent, and find representation in the political process that would run this country. We didn't agree, but we didn't disagree either. And somehow, by default, we got shoved into this experiment called democracy.
The great gift we got was the spirit of secularism. Again, just an idea, but one that has somehow grown upon us. It would be too confusing to have discrimination amongst us based on religion, caste or any other separator, so we ran with this too. This part has worked out well, despite all the religious fanatics that still don't get it, and the myriad ways in which dogma still affects our thinking. No political party is completely agnostic to faith, and we remain in the stone ages when it comes to pure spiritualism. Even the Indian tourism industry somehow thinks "spiritual" means "religious"! Stupid, but for most part, not without hope.
The other gifts we got as part of the new idea of India are the wide usage of the English language, a legal framework that roughly resembles that of the UK, a mechanism called "government", a free press, and a military that doesn't interfere with everyday life. These are gifts, because without any of these, we'd have sunk even further into anarchy.
What we didn't bargain for, however, is the need for us to constantly work to keep the above working. For that, it takes effort, above and outside of our personal jobs and duties, and it takes involvement and awareness. In other words, to make India work, we cannot be sitting on our asses and expect the "others" to do their jobs. It is our job to make the country work. This part, we don't get. We are an essentially selfish people, and those amongst us who have some civic sense are likely to appear like activists.
Life in India today is about screwing and not getting screwed. The country be damned, as long as we can make a few bucks and get the life we want. Money can buy us anything, but alas, it cannot buy us a quality country. For that, we need to make some sacrifices and recognize what we need to do. We never took into account the essential nature of the Indian person, while we decided what system we wanted. The essential Indian is corrupt, or corruptible, or accepting of corruption as a way of life. Why would so many millions amongst us pay bribes to get things done that we are legally entitled to? Because we are sheep, and sheep get fleeced.
For some reason, most Indians are really annoyed when I tell them that "Indianness" is about being corrupt, inefficient, dogmatic, AND having a sense of righteousness that the devil himself would be afraid of. Our relationship with God is the one we respect, and hence, if a puja routine is prescribed to an Indian family, they will carry it out religiously, perfectly. If they are told not to dump plastic waste, they might do it to some extent. If they are told to file a case against that official who demanded a bribe to okay their water connection, they won't. They will actually pay the bribe to maintain "the good energy" of their lives - smooth and easy.
This fear of questioning, the fear of reprisals, the fear of showing dissent itself rules over us. And then, for every damn thing, there is God. Somehow, our God is most fierce in folklore and mythology, but very benign when it comes to inciting us to question and fight for what is right. Our righteousness flies directly in the face of our religiousness. Somehow, there is never a discourse on this - on the essential lie of being an Indian in spirit.
The most corrupt rascals in this country dump much money in temples like Tirupathi. Somehow, we cunningly shift the onus of accountability for such ill gotten wealth onto the Lord! Look God, I gave you a crap load of money, now all you need to do is protect me! The Lord has already protected you by making you Indian - not just unlikely to be caught in your act of thievery, but even more likely to make you feel good about stealing and donating to a temple!
For some reason, we frown upon Godmen who have been found having sex with a multitude of women or in the throes of drug induced ecstasy, but we're perfectly all right with elected officials stealing from our coffers to build their personal wealth. I'm not sure what can be more askew! But, this is what is happening - We are angered by being made fools out of - that is the problem here! We fully expect elected officials to steal, but Godmen had to be holy! That's why we get mad at them for having a romp!
Heck, we could also be jealous. Having a sexual romp isn't that available to most of us Indians because we're not that enterprising. That is why we have moral boundaries defined by the boundaries of what we dare to do. It is the exact same reason for the BJP to get mad at Shashi Tharoor - he is not only smooth and articulate, but - hold your breath - has an attractive female friend who is not his wife! That is why the BJP spokesperson, the cunning hypocritical bastard, said "who his girlfriend is, who he is married to, who he divorces, is not our business". Then why mention all that? It is the power of allusion, that most Indians fall flat for. We can raise a scandal on mere speculation and allusion, and without a single fact, splash around so much that muddy water hits everyone!
For some reason, we forget that we are supposed to bow only to the truth. Sathyameva Jayathe, not God. Even God has to be truthful to win. Lord Krishna may be the delightful exception, but then, he is a super being anyway, who is not cluttered in any way. He must be exasperated, because India is cluttered in every way. We don't have a clue how to do anything with elegance, no matter how many resources we have. We need to seriously examine our "Indianness", if we are to get a clue on where we belong, if at all.
If India vanished from the face of the earth today, the rest of the world would not be that adversely impacted. Isn't that such a stunning revelation for the 2nd largest population in the world? The rest of the world might actually heave a sigh of relief. Strangely, the USA, with the much greater wear and tear it imparts to the world, would terrify the world if it pulled a vanishing act! Where would all the computers come from, where would all the Boeing planes come from, and the spares for so many of them flying all over the world, where would arms and ammunition come from, where would the best porn come from, and where would all the great movies come from!??? Who would we sell billions of dollars worth of stuff to? There is no substituting the USA, but India can be forgotten in a jiffy or two at the most. Guess what? They're a democracy too!
So, before we trumpet becoming a superpower, before we get pompous about our incredible place in the world and the role we are here to play, let's look at ourselves and get our basic shit together. Let's give as much importance to rational thinking as we do to moral and religious nonsense. There is no God concept in our Constitution! We aren't fundamentally subscribed to a religious idea of a country. God is a very personal thing, even though we do a puja before launching our spacecraft. For some reason our latest GSLV plunged into the sea. Could it be the wrong brand of incense sticks? No serious investigation into the failure of our first cryogenic engine is likely to result in a finding that blames the pujari.
So, let's learn to blame ourselves first, whenever things go wrong. It is a very good habit to get into. If I call 139 and get wrong information about my train's arrival time, it is upto me to fill out in triplicate, the complaint form at the railway station, and make my grievance known. It is upto us to bitch, and moan, and complain, and sue - till the garbage gets cleared on time, till the road gets relaid, till the sewers stop dumping into our rivers, and till we get every single thing we need to feel like humans again. Indianness cannot be the answer to the questions we are afraid to ask.
BSK.
02 April 2010
Foolproof Indianness.
26th November 2008. Mumbai. A few of our policemen died in a hail of terrorist bullets. The bulletproof jackets they were wearing didn't save them. In another case, a famous cop was not wearing a bulletproof vest, and was killed, and now the Maharashtra government has submitted its affidavit to the courts investigating the incidents.
According to that affidavit - "The bullet-proof jackets had been ordered by the Maharashtra government way back in 2001 and could withstand bullets fired only from 9 mm pistols and carbines."
These shocking admissions were made in an affidavit filed by Deputy Commissioner of Police Vijaysingh Jadhav on behalf of the Maharashtra government in the Bombay High Court on Wednesday, the day when a special court concluded hearing arguments in that 26th November terror attacks.
Similar jackets, which are not meant to withstand fire from AK47 or and SLR, are used even by the "military forces", the affidavit said. Great! So, what are they supposed to withstand? Water guns? Pea shooters? Firecrackers?
The state government told the High Court in response to a public interest litigation (PIL) that the jackets used during 26/11 were ordered in a time when the "threat perception" for the metropolis had "not taken into account an attack that would include simultaneous strikes and civilians held as hostages." Let's put that a little more honestly - "We never thought we'd get attacked, so we didn't give a fuck what we wore". What do civilians held as hostages have to do with bulletproof vests not being bulletproof? Also, simultaneous strikes. How many cops do we have? Just one? Don't we have simultaneous traffic lights?
To the question whether the jackets were of standard or not, the answer was that it could not have saved Karkare because the officer sustained injuries to his shoulder and neck, which were not covered by the jacket of standard design, the affidavit pointed out. Oh, great. So let's forget the bulletproof jackets for now, and let's focus on the foolproof bullets that aimed away from the areas the jacket covered. Brilliant.
Way back in 2008, we had police officers coming forward and telling us about jackets procured by the police through which "every single bullet went through"! Yes, even when shot from a long distance.
http://www.mid-day.com/news/2008/dec/011208-Mumbai-bullet-encounter-specialist-Vijay-Salaskar-Mumbai-terror-blast-bullet-proof-jacket.htm. In other words, these fools never really had any bulletproof jackets!
Let's take a step aside and ask ourselves how much of a deep rooted incompetence this has exposed. First of all, "carbines" were probably last used in World War 1. These are the long barreled guns with smooth insides, that don't even put revolutions on the bullets going out. Who needs protection from these antiques? This is not some museum coming alive every night. Even local gangs have more powerful guns these days! So, what kind of morons are sitting around taking these purchase decisions that are clearly completely useless? What kind of a brainless system do we have to be endorsing in order to spend money on things that have absolutely no meaning in buying?
Terrorists are efficient because they have to be. They need to cause maximum damage with minimum investment. So they get the best weapons, choose the fittest and mentally sickest amongst themselves, prepare to die, and go in all guns blazing, pun intended. To oppose them, we don't need any of their madness, but simply a mechanism that works. We need people that can shoot back, a chain of command that knows what commands to issue to whom and when, trained people who can pull the trigger when their guns are pointing at the targets, and machines that work. Period.
While under attack is not the time for chaos and confusion in the ranks, miscommunication amongst various government organizations, and missed opportunities. It is never a good time for any of this, but if we test any of our government controlled "systems" we will find them not working.
We gave our government offices computers a long time ago. For sure, at the very least, ten years ago. The Regional Transport Offices are amongst these. The police departments of various states even have claims on their websites that they are proud to be part of many new e-government initiatives. (Example: http://tnpolice.gov.in/chiefmsg.html). Ask a traffic policeman if he can pull out his walkie talkie, bark a number, and get the name and address of the owner of any vehicle he just saw running over ten people. The answer is NO! As incredulous as it may seem, there is no access to that simple bit of information! There is a whole official procedure to follow before this gap is bridged! That is where our government monkeys are, with or without computers. Fuckers just don't know what to do, except blackmail the public into paying bribes for the simplest tasks, and maintain total bankruptcy of functional ideas.
Of course this points to corruption, incompetence, and a host of other endemic problems, like apathy, non-action, and finally, to sum up - Indianness. It is time we defined this for ourselves, since we seem to have a hard time acknowledging that "Indianness" is indeed all the above rolled into one. This is a word that deserves to be in every dictionary. Only we Indians can fuck up something of importance so badly, that even after lives are lost, we're grappling not with the gravity of the situation, but with the process of concluding a "matter".
I'm not entirely unhappy policemen died, because most of them are corrupt bastards. The majority of them are unfit, insincere, not interested in service of any kind unless it is performed to obtain a bribe, and are just puppets of politicians. It is just fantastic that their incompetence in Mumbai was exposed by terrorists in such a short period of time, instead of our public interest, the judicial process, the media, and our Indianness combined spending the next fifty years telling us that our cops, their jackets, their guns, and their stupidity is a complete waste for the nation.
Are our policemen dispensable? Clearly, they are. Nothing of note has happened now that we have lost a few of them in terrorist and Maoist attacks. Their deaths haven't made any pockets of civilization more in danger, or lacking protection. The police forces of almost all states are nothing but drains on the budget, magnified several times by their incompetence and immunity from speedy prosecution. So, why do we need them, if they are not impeccable in their duties and manners?
Where it most mattered - doing their duty, they were found wanting, and if they are that inefficient, they can die. For heavens sake, there is nothing heroic about dying in a war you're not even fit enough to fight in, so let's stop making heroes out of unfit, uniformed thugs we hire to do our dirty jobs and look the other way when they take bribes, grow fat, and kill people in fake "encounters". Police custodial killings in India are rampant. Now we have them selling dead bodies. How low can these weasels go? It's wrong to generalize the entire police force of this country thus, but if they can take collective pride, they can also take collective blame.
It is absolutely shameful that this country supplies substandard equipment to personnel employed to do critical jobs, but we don't need to take any moral responsibility for the personnel themselves being substandard. If there are IPS officers facing charges of molestation of minors and abetting suicide, they can bloody well figure out how bulletproof their own jackets need to be and they can shoot the pigs that supplied faulty equipment. They once again failed to do their jobs - that's all there is to it. And the same can be said of many, many Indians who're not earning their keep. It's just part of our Indianness. When we get bitten because of it, that will simply add to ... what else? Indianness!
- BSK.
According to that affidavit - "The bullet-proof jackets had been ordered by the Maharashtra government way back in 2001 and could withstand bullets fired only from 9 mm pistols and carbines."
These shocking admissions were made in an affidavit filed by Deputy Commissioner of Police Vijaysingh Jadhav on behalf of the Maharashtra government in the Bombay High Court on Wednesday, the day when a special court concluded hearing arguments in that 26th November terror attacks.
Similar jackets, which are not meant to withstand fire from AK47 or and SLR, are used even by the "military forces", the affidavit said. Great! So, what are they supposed to withstand? Water guns? Pea shooters? Firecrackers?
The state government told the High Court in response to a public interest litigation (PIL) that the jackets used during 26/11 were ordered in a time when the "threat perception" for the metropolis had "not taken into account an attack that would include simultaneous strikes and civilians held as hostages." Let's put that a little more honestly - "We never thought we'd get attacked, so we didn't give a fuck what we wore". What do civilians held as hostages have to do with bulletproof vests not being bulletproof? Also, simultaneous strikes. How many cops do we have? Just one? Don't we have simultaneous traffic lights?
To the question whether the jackets were of standard or not, the answer was that it could not have saved Karkare because the officer sustained injuries to his shoulder and neck, which were not covered by the jacket of standard design, the affidavit pointed out. Oh, great. So let's forget the bulletproof jackets for now, and let's focus on the foolproof bullets that aimed away from the areas the jacket covered. Brilliant.
Way back in 2008, we had police officers coming forward and telling us about jackets procured by the police through which "every single bullet went through"! Yes, even when shot from a long distance.
http://www.mid-day.com/news/2008/dec/011208-Mumbai-bullet-encounter-specialist-Vijay-Salaskar-Mumbai-terror-blast-bullet-proof-jacket.htm. In other words, these fools never really had any bulletproof jackets!
Let's take a step aside and ask ourselves how much of a deep rooted incompetence this has exposed. First of all, "carbines" were probably last used in World War 1. These are the long barreled guns with smooth insides, that don't even put revolutions on the bullets going out. Who needs protection from these antiques? This is not some museum coming alive every night. Even local gangs have more powerful guns these days! So, what kind of morons are sitting around taking these purchase decisions that are clearly completely useless? What kind of a brainless system do we have to be endorsing in order to spend money on things that have absolutely no meaning in buying?
Terrorists are efficient because they have to be. They need to cause maximum damage with minimum investment. So they get the best weapons, choose the fittest and mentally sickest amongst themselves, prepare to die, and go in all guns blazing, pun intended. To oppose them, we don't need any of their madness, but simply a mechanism that works. We need people that can shoot back, a chain of command that knows what commands to issue to whom and when, trained people who can pull the trigger when their guns are pointing at the targets, and machines that work. Period.
While under attack is not the time for chaos and confusion in the ranks, miscommunication amongst various government organizations, and missed opportunities. It is never a good time for any of this, but if we test any of our government controlled "systems" we will find them not working.
We gave our government offices computers a long time ago. For sure, at the very least, ten years ago. The Regional Transport Offices are amongst these. The police departments of various states even have claims on their websites that they are proud to be part of many new e-government initiatives. (Example: http://tnpolice.gov.in/chiefmsg.html). Ask a traffic policeman if he can pull out his walkie talkie, bark a number, and get the name and address of the owner of any vehicle he just saw running over ten people. The answer is NO! As incredulous as it may seem, there is no access to that simple bit of information! There is a whole official procedure to follow before this gap is bridged! That is where our government monkeys are, with or without computers. Fuckers just don't know what to do, except blackmail the public into paying bribes for the simplest tasks, and maintain total bankruptcy of functional ideas.
Of course this points to corruption, incompetence, and a host of other endemic problems, like apathy, non-action, and finally, to sum up - Indianness. It is time we defined this for ourselves, since we seem to have a hard time acknowledging that "Indianness" is indeed all the above rolled into one. This is a word that deserves to be in every dictionary. Only we Indians can fuck up something of importance so badly, that even after lives are lost, we're grappling not with the gravity of the situation, but with the process of concluding a "matter".
I'm not entirely unhappy policemen died, because most of them are corrupt bastards. The majority of them are unfit, insincere, not interested in service of any kind unless it is performed to obtain a bribe, and are just puppets of politicians. It is just fantastic that their incompetence in Mumbai was exposed by terrorists in such a short period of time, instead of our public interest, the judicial process, the media, and our Indianness combined spending the next fifty years telling us that our cops, their jackets, their guns, and their stupidity is a complete waste for the nation.
Are our policemen dispensable? Clearly, they are. Nothing of note has happened now that we have lost a few of them in terrorist and Maoist attacks. Their deaths haven't made any pockets of civilization more in danger, or lacking protection. The police forces of almost all states are nothing but drains on the budget, magnified several times by their incompetence and immunity from speedy prosecution. So, why do we need them, if they are not impeccable in their duties and manners?
Where it most mattered - doing their duty, they were found wanting, and if they are that inefficient, they can die. For heavens sake, there is nothing heroic about dying in a war you're not even fit enough to fight in, so let's stop making heroes out of unfit, uniformed thugs we hire to do our dirty jobs and look the other way when they take bribes, grow fat, and kill people in fake "encounters". Police custodial killings in India are rampant. Now we have them selling dead bodies. How low can these weasels go? It's wrong to generalize the entire police force of this country thus, but if they can take collective pride, they can also take collective blame.
It is absolutely shameful that this country supplies substandard equipment to personnel employed to do critical jobs, but we don't need to take any moral responsibility for the personnel themselves being substandard. If there are IPS officers facing charges of molestation of minors and abetting suicide, they can bloody well figure out how bulletproof their own jackets need to be and they can shoot the pigs that supplied faulty equipment. They once again failed to do their jobs - that's all there is to it. And the same can be said of many, many Indians who're not earning their keep. It's just part of our Indianness. When we get bitten because of it, that will simply add to ... what else? Indianness!
- BSK.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)