Whoever asked for these bloody Commonwealth Games?
Why does our wonderful former president Mr. Abdul Kalam have to have his name twisted to Abdul Kalam Azad by a fumbling idiot called Kalmadi? Why does that same idiot have to talk about a "Prince Diana" attending these games, when she is neither alive nor was ever a prince? Was this idiot even awake while he was filling the microphone with his unprofessional filth?
Why do we have Doordarshan doing something it was never meant to do - covering something live that moves more than its mouth?
This idiot Kalmadi never mentioned athletes amongst the people he extended his "Namaskar" to. For a guy who is reading from a piece of paper, the least he could do was make sure he doesn't swallow words like "Association". He said, "Assoshun" a few times. Clearly he isn't cut out for reading a speech, or mouthing one either. He couldn't do much about falling bridges either.
If an airline pilot with the same level of incompetence performed the equivalent of these tasks in his job, the plane would nosedive, throw its doors open mid-air, choke most of its passengers, catch fire, turn upside down and mow into a hill in a fireball.
Who are these clowns still running that embarrassment of a television channel called Doordarshan? Couldn't they get anybody better than the idiots who were reading out names of countries from the screen, telling us of their populations, and when each country got its independence? Isn't that in itself a reminder of the dark side of the whole "Commonwealth" idea?! I wish they had shown the Brit royals each time we were told about each country's independence from them! I wish we had the humour to be told how many years each country had been looted for by her royal bitching highness BEFORE they got independence. Instead, we were told to notice how "happy!" Prince Charles was, when the Wales contingent showed up. To me, the prick and his entourage looked the same when other contingents showed up too.
How much of a genius would it take to see "swimming" below the flag bearer's name and figure out that that person is a swimmer? Do we really need to have someone telling us that person is an "athlete" when we can read "athletics" below his or her name? Who else is going to show up at a sporting event? A fortune teller?
"Here comes Kenya! All the way from Africa!". Seriously, where else the fuck would the Kenyan contingent come from? Jupiter? Who are these juveniles telling us which country's flag is what colour and informing us, just in case, of this marvel of a projection system that projects the same flag on the aerostat for the same country! Hurrah! We got that right! What kind of fucking nonsense is this? This is not Doordarshan in its year of inception either. The CW Games may be a first, (and hopefully last) for India, but these idiots with the exclusive rights to telecast the CWG have been around for a long, long time. Should they not know their job a little better?
We were also told that the magnificent drummers below were beating the crap out of their contraptions to keep the athletes happy. No shit. I would have thought they were frightening stray lions. Even worse - we never got to hear those drums, because we were filled in with an incessant electronic drumbeat that ran right through the programme. Horrible, unless we got Energizer to sponsor that shit.
Why the fuck do we still refer to Charles as His Royal Highness? He may be to his own people, but not to US! Isn't that the whole POINT of being an independent country? None of the assholes in New Delhi seem to know yet.
And why is Charles talking about peace all over the world? Didn't the Brits send their military monkeys including one of Charlie's sons, to participate in the greatest bomb shag of all time in modern history in Iraq? Peace be damned if it is a Muslim country? Bloody hypocrite son of a bitch.
Who writes these goddamn speeches? "Over the next few days - thousands of athletes will take part in competition" - this came from Pratibha Patil, no less than the President of India. "And my dictionary has thousands of words!". DUH!
Everybody spoke of challenges and how they were overcome. Anybody with a brain bigger than a pea will know that there were NO challenges, just incompetence. If New Delhi was hit by an earthquake measuring 7.4 on the Richter scale, and Kalmadi had to dig himself out of a pile of rubble, drinking urine for 12 days, THAT would have been a challenge. Incomplete building structures and falling bridges are not challenges - they are FAILURES!
A bridge the army built in 6 days stands in place of what could have been built 6 years ago and collapsed. This is not a challenge overcome. This is a rescue act pulled off by professionals.
How have we finally made this event a mega showcase of our delusional powers? How we can fool ourselves that this is some sort of success! We are spending 70,000 crores and making 450 crores. So, this cannot be about money.
If this is about pride, what pride do we need to salvage from Tuvalu, Solomon Islands, St. Vincent and The Grenadines, Lesotho, Malawi, Nauru and a whole host of insignificant countries? Sure, we can showcase this to the other "significant" countries, as our grand spectacle, but seriously, who gives a shit about a country that has more people living below the poverty line than Sub Saharan Africa?
This is also touted as the first "Green" Commonwealth Games. Hello? It's getting its electricity entirely from fossil fuel burning National Thermal Power Corporation. (Who in their own words are "one of the world's cleanest fossil fuel power generator", not "generators". Bad English be damned for now) Who the fuck are we fooling here? Why even utter painfully untruthful rubbish like this? I mean, is the greatest opposition to these games coming from the environmental lobby?
Put all rubbish before our people, beat the drums, do the dance and say JAI HIND! And all is well. No fucking questions asked.
On and on our speeches poured out - ".....diverse and beautiful nation with heritage and culture. I am sure you will all experience it." NO! What people will experience is what is available to them. There won't be any diverse and beautiful nation with heritage and culture in the stadium or the village. It will be all security, security, security.
The cultural part - we're fail proof - we have professionals there! It's a good thing there is no quota for Bharatnatyam dancers and Kalari performers. Duds are likely to kill themselves if unleashed in these arenas. All good, nice to see. It doesn't matter how many people understand what is being sung - at the very least we will sing it right. But Oh, Lord! Chaiya Chaiya??? It's a tribute to the common man? Which common man dances on trains with sexy women? If there was one, he would have been danced, not Shah Rukh Khan!
Did I just say we are fail proof with the cultural part? So I am contradicting myself here? Whoever said Bollywood was part of our culture? It is a rowdy beast we have ready for all occasions. For some reason, we showcased a cycle shop. Okay. Then we had politicians campaigning - all part of the Indian landscape one supposes. Fine. But all dancing to Chaiya Chaiya? How the fuck is this a tribute to anything except mediocre unimaginative programming? Mumbai Dabbawalas, with paint dabbas! Fine! The masala chai? Okay. How about showcasing some rapes, molestation in public, burning brides for dowry, illegal mining, and some shitting in the open too!? Oh, we already showed that in the village!
For some reason, right on live television, Two girls fell down doing some acrobatic standing on men's shoulders. Poor things. I hope they got paid for the show they tried to put on.
The biggest of the uncultural, demented, gimmicky clown shows has to be A R Rahman. And who are all those barbaric assholes dancing behind him all the time? Who are those idiots he had behind him with saffron and green gloves and muscular bodies in white chiffon? Bloody beefcakes on the entertainment industry unemployment list? They looked like thugs to me, and do not represent anything but the most mindless things we put together in the name of entertainment. They did not look one bit Indian to me, nor did the stupid song sound Indian. Sure it sounded like Rahman, but was it in any way fit for the show? Whatever happened to Balamurali Krishna and Ilayaraja? They would have put on something magnificent and they would not bow to his royal freaking eyeness as well. Does anybody in the Organizing Commitee even know the real geniuses we have? Heck, Bappida would have belted out something fantastic.
As if the CW song wasn't bad enough, Rahman the copycat had to perform Jai Ho! What the fuck for? The idiot has made this song his go to song. If all else fails, he throws this on your face with that, "I got the Oscar for this. What the fuck do you know?" attitude and regularity. He got paid 5 crores for repeating his old shit?
India, thy middle name used to be mediocrity. Now, thou art, from every part, oozing it.
We're losing it.
BSK.
PS: In hindsight, there was plenty of comedy during the Opening Ceremony. Even beyond all the agony, one had to be swayed by the sheer scale of cacophonic insult unleashed upon us.
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