01 May 2009

Voting Compulsory??!!

The fool's done it again! With each passing day, LK Advani seems bent
on lowering his standing a bit more.

In his latest conch call to the nation, after the dubious claims of
his monkey army being able to bring back money from Swiss Bank
accounts like they brought back Sita from Lanka, now this idiot wants
Compulsory Voting!

Helllllloooooo!!!!! Is this guy even awake? What kind of a joke is
he trying to pull on us?

Voting is a right, you idiot, and we "exercise" our rights. We do not
"obey" them. If we're ordered to do it, that wouldn't be a right, it
would be a compulsion, an enforcement, an order, a decree, or a
dictum. Voting is none of this, and should never be.

To say the least, this foolhardy idea would require a Constitutional
amendment, and a historically significant one, for this would be the
first time a democracy, where "rights" and "freedom" are trumpeted as
the holy grail, as the high moral ground for us all to tread on with
awe and respect, we would have to give up one of the most fundamental,
differentiating, empowering "rights" in order to obey an order. Good
bye, democracy!

It is such a deep, scathing insult on everything we stand for, on the
very basic idea of India, and an absolute attack on the very soul of
our collective, that we should be baying for this fool's blood.
Instead, guess what, as if to underline our apathy towards all things
Indian, this crack pot might actually become Prime Minister!

Imagine having a Prime Minister that doesn't even understand the
difference between a right and an order! Imagine having a clown who
cannot tell the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship.
Imagine having to vote for a punk who is ready to strip away the very
right that gives his own life some sort of meaning!

Let's assume that voting does become compulsory.

Very well, so how is this going to be enforced? I don't show up at
any voting station on election day. I find myself in Madhya Pradesh,
or abroad, when I am supposed to vote in Bangalore. How is the
government going to bring me to my voting station? And how long is it
going to take before all Indian voters are rounded up and made to
vote? And how long is the counting going to last, if the enforcers
suddenly discovered five hundred people who didn't vote, spread over
fifteen districts? This is bound to be a lot of fun!

India by the way, is one of the strangest democracies in the world,
where physical presence at your own very voting centre is mandatory if
you want to cast your ballot. There are millions of Indian citizens
outside the country all the time, and during election time, all of
them stand disenfranchised, due to the absence of absentee ballots.
What the bloody hell difference should it make where I am on a given
day, to the simple act of casting my vote?

At any given point in time, there are atleast ten thousand of our
military personnel on UN duty somewhere away from India. More often
than not, they are busy trying to set up a democratic system in some
godforsaken country. None of them can cast their vote today because
of our own stupid system that prevents them from doing so. Most
Indian soldiers, including airmen and sailors, have very little chance
of voting because of the current system. Military personnel can vote
only during general elections, in their area of posting, only if they
are registered with the Election Commission to vote in that specific
area. What is the likelihood of this taking place?

I'd like to see the Indian government airlift ten thousand of our UN
troops out of Somalia, bring them all to their native polling booths
in India, ensure they cast their precious ballots and fly them back
before the next morning, so that some village doesn't get massacred.
Oops, not my idea.

The BJP, with its slogans of "India Shining" and the noise about the
IT revolution notwithstanding, have completely ignored the fact that
not having an absentee ballot system is a shame on our democracy, just
a little smaller than having to put up with voting becoming
compulsory! So, why can't the wrongs be fixed before we lose our
rights?

If we are ordered to do something as silly as vote, even when we may
be ignorant of our candidates, their stands on issues, hundreds of
parties with shady loyalties and shadier agendas, and a general
fatigue with the process of having their incompetence hammered on us
through slogans and campaigns and mudslinging and very immature
behaviour, we would be hard pressed to find sanity and make a choice
right in front of the ballot paper.

Enter form 49-O. It is a form you can fill in order to let the system
know that you are willing to take the pain to come to the polling
station, but do not find any candidate worthy of your vote. Guess
what? Most polling stations do not even have this form! It is a form
for "Voting Nobody" and yet making sure your vote isn't stolen. If
there are more 49-O forms filled out than the number of votes any
candidate has got, that candidate is out!

So, compel us, you idiot, and we will fill our 49-O forms en masse!

It is a tragedy that no political party will ever voluntarily tell you
about this dreaded form 49-O. Electronic voting machines do not even
have a button for that "No Vote to Any Candidate" option. If voting
was made available online, you bet this would be a popular option!

Back to the crux of the matter - compulsion. IF we agree to be
compelled, surely, we should be able to compel the government to
fulfill a few compulsions we can put on them. How about making it
compulsory for all courts in the country to maintain a zero backlog of
cases? How about making it compulsory for all trains to arrive on
time or money back to all passengers? How about making it compulsory
for all corporations to pick up garbage and not leave any street
dirty? How about making it compulsory for all politicians to give
deadlines and fulfill all election year promises or go to jail and
forfeit all rights to stand in any election in India?

Holy crap! All this amounts to actually doing some work! Why, it
even asks people to perform! My God, this might amount to an
expectation of excellence! I think most of our politicians wouldn't
mind a slipper on their face instead of having to live up to such
"compulsions"! Heck, it's even fashionable these days! See how well
it works without being compulsory?

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