Why I don't trust Baba Ramdev.

When I was a kid, my friends and I used to ransack other people's gardens for fruit.  We loved the thrill of it, and we ate a lot of fruit.  We were always ready for action, and we were a menace in the neighbourhood, but people put up with us.  It's not "legal" to steal other people's fruits, but a group of mischievous boys who carried no real malice clearly could be allowed to carry out some "illegal" activities.  But, those times passed, and none of us turned out to be thieves as we grew up.

Today, for some reason, a lot of adults in India ARE okay with much more blatant, dangerous, and clearly malicious and malignant levels of illegality.  They have no problem paying bribes, breaking traffic rules, and staying absolutely mute to a lot of wrong that goes on.  They have no problem cheating with their ration cards, no problem evading taxes, and no problem looting crores of rupees from the nation's exchequer.  Where do these people come from?

What I remember from my friends as a kid is that we were always happy.  Sure we got into trouble once in a while, but we didn't have too much to worry about.  I also remember that we had a lot in common - we signed on to the same ideas of "fun", and we had no hidden agendas.  Most importantly, we stood by each other and understood each other's perils and challenges.  On a raid, we could trust one another.  Success or failure, we were there together, to try again!

This is where I have a problem with this bearded troublemaker Baba Ramdev.  I don't trust him.  I like the fact that he is making trouble, and I like the fact that he's got a lot of fools riled up with his demands against corruption.  But he isn't one of us, folks.  In fact, he's very much like the guys we're fighting against - wealthy, well connected, and powerful.  Imagine if a thirty five year old father of two wanted to go on a fruit raid with us ten year olds.  You think we'd take him along for the ride?  Of course not!  He has no business coming along with us.

This Baba Ramdev has planes to fly him wherever he wants, more than a thousand crore rupees in money, an island somewhere in Scotland, and a whole lot of followers who are willing to give him money.  He has highly qualified people to advise him, legally and financially, and he has a bit of an "empire".  Is this the guy who would be under pressure if asked to pay a bribe to get an apartment registered in his name?  Is this the guy who will stand for hours in line to get something done at some government office with me?  I don't think so.  He doesn't need the same things I do, at a fundamental human level.

He wants all black money stashed abroad to be brought back to India.  The task is noble, but the demand is not just naive, it is outright stupid, because it is steeped against a looming fast unto death.  If this money has ever been quantified, or identified as belonging to such and such persons, we would have to initiate criminal proceedings against such persons, then declare them guilty, inform international law enforcement agencies such as Interpol, then ask respective governments of these tax haven countries to initiate transfer of funds.  This is a precise process, and if a nobody like me can know what is involved, someone who is asking for that money to be brought back to India must actually ask for this process to be set under way, not just scream for the money to come back.  Clearly, this guy is not very well informed and he doesn't present himself effectively.  No leader.

I still stand by his right to protest peacefully, gather with any number of people anywhere, and make his demands to the government.  But if he is important enough for cabinet ministers to receive at the airport, and important enough to be on the news making the Prime Minister and the government in power so nervous, we better know who this bum is.  To me, an ill informed, unthinking, flashy, religious, dodgy, attention seeking noise maker is just a bum.

So, who IS Baba Ramdev?  He is no Anna Hazare.  He has no record of public service.  He isn't qualified in any way to lead any enterprise.  But he has an empire.  How?  He isn't a famous philosopher to have changed the way we perceive the world and the universe.  He is not a great teacher either as far as I know.  He sure as hell did not make his empire charging fees for yoga lessons.  So what is his enterprise?  I am all for yoga teachers getting into public service, and that is not my problem.  The problem is, I don't know this guy well enough to let him represent me or any other Indian.  So, I don't want him speaking for me.  It is that simple.

His followers being many Indians cannot automatically make him the leader of many other Indians.  His followers follow him for being the Baba, but Ramdev is who we don't know much about.  Any Baba has followers, but not many of them can lead something they don't know much about.  We're talking about the nation of India here.  Baba Ramdev wants Hindi to replace English.  Anybody who respects the Constitution of India and who is not a fool knows Hindi is not the national language of India.  It irks me that after so many years of being a democracy, our public education level is so low that many, even political leaders, talk as if Hindi is the national language of India.

Now, he's called for an armed rebellion.  He says he has a force of 11,000 people trained in the art of self-defence.  Fair enough.  But defence against what?  Against our police forces?  You don't need anything too sophisticated to take on our cops.  Just post a couple of women journalists with video cameras, and all our cops will behave rather well.  The only reason this police raid on this Baba's camp occurred at midnight was because media was asleep at the time.  This Baba is going crazy, and this "sena" reminds me of the raid on the Babri Masjid - flat out trouble.  It is the same monkeys that are backing this fool now.

The RSS and the BJP are his friends.  The RSS is political, and so is the BJP.  What is a yogi doing with the support of political entities?  If something is political, it is not automatically corrupted, but there is plenty of historical record for us to worry about.  The India I know and respect sometimes is secular, and does not lean towards any religion or political mindset.  So, what does this Baba Ramdev represent?  I'm not sure it is a healthy, vibrant, democratic, secular, forward thinking India.  He talks of "shaastra" (knowledge) and "shastra" (weapons).  What might be next?  "Sati"?  I hope not, but this guy can surprise anyone!

This is a prime example of how democracy can throw up lunatics who are free to do everything, including making asses of themselves - and others who follow him.  What he is clearly doing here is protesting against the very government our own people voted for!  He thinks we should be up in arms against the people we put in office?  This is as anti-nationalistic as it gets!

This call for "swadeshi" when he flies in a foreign made aeroplane (which he himself by the way, exempts from his "swadeshi" list!), using foreign oil, owning an island in Scotland, and with a thousand other violations of the already outdated principle of "swadeshi" just make him an outdated lunatic to me.

He is not shy of theatrics, attracting attention to himself, doing stunts like dressing up like a woman to escape detection - there's an element of drama in him.  But, anyone who mixes his religion and his politics, for whatever gain, is in my opinion an untrustworthy rascal.  This is a secular country, and all religions are indeed welcome, but personal.  So far, he hasn't spoken about his god, and that's a plus, but there is far too much saffron in his support group.

The bigger reason I resent this fool, even while giving him credit where it is due is this - after more than sixty years of being a nation, after reaching a point where we should be taking up an excellent place amongst the league of nations, after all the advancements we have made, is this Baba Ramdev the best face we could come up with to fight against corruption?

None of these misgivings should rob from this man, however, his right to speak his mind, gather with people, or start a movement.  He should not have been evicted or thwarted from doing anything that is not a law and order threat.  I do think however, that this man has some sort of power over people in government.  I don't need to know what that power is, but he does attract an awful lot of attention from many bigwigs.  Maybe he knows some of their dirty secrets?  Maybe he sells a powerful aphrodisiac?  He did try to export some medicines to the USA that were stopped by the Food and Drug Administration there!  This is one hell of an active monkey!  I wouldn't vote for him, or endorse his ways, but I would like to see him around.  He is just too much fun!

-  BSK.

A Nation of Passive Opportunists.

Anna Hazare has re-written history.  In fact, he has ensured the history of India is being written again.  He did the same thing Mahatma Gandhi did to the British - occupy high moral ground and blackmail the powers to succumb to his demand.  This word "blackmail" has a negative ring to it, doesn't it?  That's only because it conjures up images of cheap, witless psychopaths getting something they do not deserve, through devious means.  There's nothing devious about Anna Hazare's means, so clowns like Karan Thapar should stop acting like they are experts of this word "blackmail".  Long live the blackmailer, for the victim is the villain in this case.  Forty two years to pass a bill that gives us the right to prosecute the corrupt?  Enough of this, indeed, Annaji.

The mediocre always has to be pushed, prodded, woken up, beaten, and thrust into action by the extreme to get it to out of its inertial slumber.  India is a nation of massive mediocrity, dying to get worse, but somehow not allowed to by economic pressures.  We are not a non violent nation at all, as some of us would think.  We just choose the safer option because we're afraid of violence when it could turn against us.  What kind of influence do political parties regularly have on the "hapless" masses?  Any local MLA can call upon the services of murderers, thugs and rowdies to beat up any citizen that dares question any move!  This is why we are passive, not non-violent. 

But, we're opportunistic!  Anna Hazare gave us the opportunity, and we pounced on it.  This was our opportunity, not to clean up the nation, but to let our frustrations out.  We might get something out of it, but we might also forget all about it by the time the final draft of the Lokpal Bill comes out around the 30th of June this year.  It is a good thing indeed, but the movement that Hazare talks about is yet to happen.  It takes a fair amount of stamina to fight the system, especially when every moron around us has subscribed to a corrupt system.  Easier to pay the bribe, and get things done smooth and quiet - can this attitude change because of a Bill?  Most definitely not.  It still takes the citizen to approach the Lokpal and complain!  This takes work!  How can we Indians be expected to do work that doesn't pay?

Given the opportunity to get rich through corrupt means, without a major risk of being punished, most Indians would not hesitate for a second to jump into the cesspool.  How is the Lokpal bill going to address this mindset?  It will not, and it is indeed not the aim of the bill.  Given the opportunity to get "ahead" through corrupt means, short circuiting fair competition, most Indians would indeed do exactly this.  How else would we have fake pilots flying our aeroplanes?  We are cowards and we feel sick about it sometimes, but we convince ourselves we are being smart about it.  This is what our intelligence is used for.  Centuries of training in survival have taught us to flourish by staying out of the way, like germs.  Germs don't threaten enough to invite extermination, but are dangerous enough to keep us sick and unproductive - exactly what India is today.

How is the Lokpal Bill going to work, when it becomes the duty of the germs to inform the body of the invading disease?  We love the dis-ease.  We thrive in it, we thrive because of it, and we love the calmness of the sick patient, who has given up all hopes of fighting back.  In other words, this Anna Hazare character is a pest who is making us come out of our slumber and telling us we don't have to be germs anymore, because the patient is willing to let us lead a healthy existence within her body.  God bless Mother India, but how will the sheer masses of incompetence cope with an India that wants to throw out corruption?  Corruption is what keeps our masses lazy, well fed, and uncomplaining.  What can replace this incredible fuel?

We want opportunities.  Opportunities to further our laziness, opportunities to further our economic goals, and our sense of entitlement and power.  These have always existed.  Now, we also want opportunities to "feel good" about ourselves.  This is a new want, a new addiction in new age India.  We didn't want our boys to win the world cup because they played the best cricket and were truly deserving of the honour.  We wanted them to win so that we as "Indians" could wave the flag and yell at the world.  This is very sophomoric and idiotic of course, but it is also very American.  The USA is the country for us to look up to, for some reason.  No wonder a lot of our idiots have started putting their hands on their unfit chests when OUR national anthem is playing.  This again is nothing but an "opportunity" to showcase our patriotism just like Americans, but it has indeed become the opportunity for us to show how stupid we are, since even the Americans are supposed to do it not for their national anthem but for the Pledge of Allegiance!

There is nothing wrong in wanting to be Number One.  So, the pride we feel in our cricket team is natural.  How about doing something about the #119 we have in the Human Development Index?  See, we do not have the shining, sexy, fashionable opportunity for doing this.  It is not going to be quick, it is not going to be jingoistic, and it is not going to be vocal, so this process is going to be dull, unattractive, grinding, and horrendously time consuming.  We may not even be around when we get within #100 of this pesky index!  So, indeed we are not going to even try!

Anna Hazare didn't just provide the platform.  In this age of media glare, he provided the stage for many of our clowns to show up and perform.  The government yielded, not because it was morally forced to, but because it did not want to look like a failure on this stage!  It is all about perception, and performance on the stage!  No wonder Bollywood is completely in support of Anna Hazare although it produces movies with underworld money, has actors who shoot down wildlife, and even those who buy machine guns from terrorist outfits!  Was India outraged when Sanjay Dutt came on TV feeling bad about the terrorist attacks of 26th November?  Of course not!  We forgot that he had immersed himself in criminal anti-national activity but remembered him for his role in Munna Bhai or whatever crap.

We have become a nation of simplistic, easily manipulated fools.  We are no longer capable of critical thinking.  We go with what we like or dislike.  Anna Hazare is rather hard to dislike.  He is also not in the grey area, where critical thinking becomes immensely necessary.  He is out there in the white area, which is easy to sign up for!  That is why we chose to support him, not because we understood the full import of this Lokpal Bill and his blackmail tactic.  It takes the threat of calamity to force India to act in any haste to do ANY good.  We Indians love the foreboding threat of anything larger than life.  That is why we love our movie heroes to beat up fifty villains.  If he was human, it would require fifty of us to help him, and that won't be so interesting would it?

If we had to vote for a Supremo, a dictator or a king, (called "President" in some countries), we would gladly switch to that system.  We have grown up for centuries with kings as our benevolent dictators.  We even fondly recollect those times as the golden past of India.  The BJP even has a king Ram as their idol, so I wonder why nobody has asked them what the heck they are doing in a democracy while talking about a king all the time!  We do not like democracy really, because it puts responsibility on us.  If we could be slaves, we would.  That is why we make kings out of our elected leaders, and they gladly accept!  That is why they loot, and we applaud.  Look at those statues Mayawati has built of herself, and we know exactly what "opportunity" means for an Indian.

So, how to we function in the collective?  We do not!  We did not choose democracy.  It was chosen for us.  And now it may be too late to switch to a benevolent dictatorship, because too many of us would want to be the dictator.  So, we have this farce of a system where we elect people who don't have to listen to us or serve our interests as soon as they are elected.  Now, we're going to have the means to throw them in jail for corruption.  What about our own apathy, our incompetence, and our complete acceptance, even sympathy, for the crooked?  After all, we're the nation of really passive germs, who totally understand the need for survival.  How do we switch to intolerance?  We should suddenly thrash the peon who wants ten rupees for his "coffee"?  Or refuse to pay a donation that will ensure our unfit kid's a seat in that engineering college?  How are we going to change ourselves?

Our media has played a massive role in popularizing Anna Hazare and his campaign.  But this is not a service it embarked upon performing.  This was a big enough story to carry at the top.  Viewership!  Numbers!  Money!  Opportunity indeed!  From the World Cup to the IPL, the news channels were forced to fight for scraps.  Now Anna Hazare has provided them with phenomenal gravity.  It's a good thing this did not happen during the India-Pakistan match!  Very clever of you, Annaji!  Perfect timing!

Now, whatever happened to our sailors captured by Somali pirates, the Adarsh building scam, the 2G scam, the Commonwealth Games scam, and the thousand of other scams?  None of them are worth our attention now?  Eerily, it is time for something to come crashing down.  People must die for us to pay attention.  That is what Indian lives are worth - to bring viewership to our TV channels.  Aha!  Now, there's an opportunity!

- BSK.