Hooray! Another terror attack!

Here it is again!  Terrorists attacking Mumbai!

I am as tired of this nonsense as anyone and I really have a great deal of sympathy for Mumbaikars.  This goes well beyond the grief and sorrow and the sheer weight of madness that descends upon us each time something like this happens.  Of course we have no real way of knowing what it means to be there, and be directly affected, but it is within us to imagine how bad it can be and we must extend all help and "support" however weak that sounds, to all people affected by this.

Truth is, nobody is terrorized.  Not even a school kid missed school because a few bombs went off.  There have been no outrageous reactions, no overt blame games, no show of panic, and no untoward chain reactions.  Thank God Ram Gopal Varma didn't show up like the punk he is at the attack sites either.

Perhaps it is not so sexy this time.  No white skinned foreigners dead.  No helicopters dropping commandos on buildings.  No high profile buildings burning, no live TV during the "action", and no drama.

But interestingly, Mumbaikars have said one thing that is remarkable both for its timing now, and the absence of it earlier - that they are sick of hearing about the "resilience" and "spirit of Mumbai" etc.  In other words, they are telling the world, "Don't bloody romanticize this nonsense.  We're just doing the one thing we can - move on." 

If the media had an iota of self respect, it would pull out of the things it would normally do - start useless debates, interview hordes of people, find "stories" that it can capsule, and throw in a good deal of its own bullshit to sum it all up, and even field a Disney cute question or two at the end of it, like the rest of us don't already have enough questions.  Usually, this "profound" question would wriggle out something like, "Are we a soft target by choice?".  It would stop, and think about the uselessness of all of this.

Mumbaikars have spelt it out this time - "Don't shag on our misery just because you don't have anything else to do".  But the media, in its rank ineptness but immense opportunism, has now taken up this very sentence - "We don't want to hear anything about resilience and the spirit of Mumbai", and started shagging with it.  This in itself is the new fuel for the next debate!  The question now is, "Are we becoming numb?".  How much lower can this descend?  Where is basic human decency?

Don't we have a right to not be examined all the time by incompetent nincompoops?  Why the heck is Anupam Kher on TV, giving his opinion on what is going on?  Is he in any way competent to either represent Indian civil society or is he a terrorism expert?  Why isn't our media not even capable of going beyond convenience and the regular exercises of trying to get viewership?

What is even more appalling is the assumption that we can't see through how shallow this nonsense is.  Yes indeed, we can switch off our TVs!  But when we give Padma Shris like cinema tickets, we should at the very least wonder why these recipient clowns cannot get their act together.  It has been far too long, and far too exhausting, but the cracks are finally showing.  This is not a test of resilience against terror attacks.  It is a test of our resilience against mediocrity.

Mediocrity in every sphere.  Apathy in every aspect.

Nearly three years after the big attacks of 2008, we do not have closed circuit cameras in all busy areas of our metros.  We do not have any greatly enhanced intelligence gathering apparatus in place, and we do not have information sharing that is immediate and comprehensive between various government agencies.  Our cops do not even have little computers that can dig up ownership information of vehicles on the spot. 

To assuage our feverish yells, the government tamely did what all our governments are good at doing - started another government body, called the National Investigation Agency.  http://www.nia.gov.in/.  Guess what?  Try visiting this site and you will get this message - This site is under maintenance. Sorry for inconvenience.

What freaking maintenance can keep the website of the National Investigation Agency offline?  What if I have key information I want to pass on anonymously and I want to do it through the internet?

Are we even serious about this kind of blunder?  Whoever is in charge of this should be shot dead.  Because s/he is an anti-national criminal.  If s/he is in charge of keeping this window of information open that might lead to great intelligence gathering and prevent terrorist attacks, this fool has failed.  S/he ought to lose his or her job at the very least, and tortured to find what links s/he has with our enemies.  Sadly, that job rests with the NIA itself, perhaps!  How comical does this get?

Try visiting the CIA website and it will never be down.  www.cia.gov.  It is NEVER down. We are an IT power?  Who are we kidding?  How can the NIA website be down at all?  It is the simplest part of the NIA's infrastructure to keep up and running.  So, how can we expect these clowns to take any efficient action during terror attacks, pirates hijacking our ships, espionage, smuggling, human trafficking, and other crimes of great import?  Truth is, we can't.

What is the alternative then?  Surely we can let terrorists know that there isn't much for them to bring down here!  We can't possibly be a threat to anyone!

- BSK.

Why I don't trust Baba Ramdev.

When I was a kid, my friends and I used to ransack other people's gardens for fruit.  We loved the thrill of it, and we ate a lot of fruit.  We were always ready for action, and we were a menace in the neighbourhood, but people put up with us.  It's not "legal" to steal other people's fruits, but a group of mischievous boys who carried no real malice clearly could be allowed to carry out some "illegal" activities.  But, those times passed, and none of us turned out to be thieves as we grew up.

Today, for some reason, a lot of adults in India ARE okay with much more blatant, dangerous, and clearly malicious and malignant levels of illegality.  They have no problem paying bribes, breaking traffic rules, and staying absolutely mute to a lot of wrong that goes on.  They have no problem cheating with their ration cards, no problem evading taxes, and no problem looting crores of rupees from the nation's exchequer.  Where do these people come from?

What I remember from my friends as a kid is that we were always happy.  Sure we got into trouble once in a while, but we didn't have too much to worry about.  I also remember that we had a lot in common - we signed on to the same ideas of "fun", and we had no hidden agendas.  Most importantly, we stood by each other and understood each other's perils and challenges.  On a raid, we could trust one another.  Success or failure, we were there together, to try again!

This is where I have a problem with this bearded troublemaker Baba Ramdev.  I don't trust him.  I like the fact that he is making trouble, and I like the fact that he's got a lot of fools riled up with his demands against corruption.  But he isn't one of us, folks.  In fact, he's very much like the guys we're fighting against - wealthy, well connected, and powerful.  Imagine if a thirty five year old father of two wanted to go on a fruit raid with us ten year olds.  You think we'd take him along for the ride?  Of course not!  He has no business coming along with us.

This Baba Ramdev has planes to fly him wherever he wants, more than a thousand crore rupees in money, an island somewhere in Scotland, and a whole lot of followers who are willing to give him money.  He has highly qualified people to advise him, legally and financially, and he has a bit of an "empire".  Is this the guy who would be under pressure if asked to pay a bribe to get an apartment registered in his name?  Is this the guy who will stand for hours in line to get something done at some government office with me?  I don't think so.  He doesn't need the same things I do, at a fundamental human level.

He wants all black money stashed abroad to be brought back to India.  The task is noble, but the demand is not just naive, it is outright stupid, because it is steeped against a looming fast unto death.  If this money has ever been quantified, or identified as belonging to such and such persons, we would have to initiate criminal proceedings against such persons, then declare them guilty, inform international law enforcement agencies such as Interpol, then ask respective governments of these tax haven countries to initiate transfer of funds.  This is a precise process, and if a nobody like me can know what is involved, someone who is asking for that money to be brought back to India must actually ask for this process to be set under way, not just scream for the money to come back.  Clearly, this guy is not very well informed and he doesn't present himself effectively.  No leader.

I still stand by his right to protest peacefully, gather with any number of people anywhere, and make his demands to the government.  But if he is important enough for cabinet ministers to receive at the airport, and important enough to be on the news making the Prime Minister and the government in power so nervous, we better know who this bum is.  To me, an ill informed, unthinking, flashy, religious, dodgy, attention seeking noise maker is just a bum.

So, who IS Baba Ramdev?  He is no Anna Hazare.  He has no record of public service.  He isn't qualified in any way to lead any enterprise.  But he has an empire.  How?  He isn't a famous philosopher to have changed the way we perceive the world and the universe.  He is not a great teacher either as far as I know.  He sure as hell did not make his empire charging fees for yoga lessons.  So what is his enterprise?  I am all for yoga teachers getting into public service, and that is not my problem.  The problem is, I don't know this guy well enough to let him represent me or any other Indian.  So, I don't want him speaking for me.  It is that simple.

His followers being many Indians cannot automatically make him the leader of many other Indians.  His followers follow him for being the Baba, but Ramdev is who we don't know much about.  Any Baba has followers, but not many of them can lead something they don't know much about.  We're talking about the nation of India here.  Baba Ramdev wants Hindi to replace English.  Anybody who respects the Constitution of India and who is not a fool knows Hindi is not the national language of India.  It irks me that after so many years of being a democracy, our public education level is so low that many, even political leaders, talk as if Hindi is the national language of India.

Now, he's called for an armed rebellion.  He says he has a force of 11,000 people trained in the art of self-defence.  Fair enough.  But defence against what?  Against our police forces?  You don't need anything too sophisticated to take on our cops.  Just post a couple of women journalists with video cameras, and all our cops will behave rather well.  The only reason this police raid on this Baba's camp occurred at midnight was because media was asleep at the time.  This Baba is going crazy, and this "sena" reminds me of the raid on the Babri Masjid - flat out trouble.  It is the same monkeys that are backing this fool now.

The RSS and the BJP are his friends.  The RSS is political, and so is the BJP.  What is a yogi doing with the support of political entities?  If something is political, it is not automatically corrupted, but there is plenty of historical record for us to worry about.  The India I know and respect sometimes is secular, and does not lean towards any religion or political mindset.  So, what does this Baba Ramdev represent?  I'm not sure it is a healthy, vibrant, democratic, secular, forward thinking India.  He talks of "shaastra" (knowledge) and "shastra" (weapons).  What might be next?  "Sati"?  I hope not, but this guy can surprise anyone!

This is a prime example of how democracy can throw up lunatics who are free to do everything, including making asses of themselves - and others who follow him.  What he is clearly doing here is protesting against the very government our own people voted for!  He thinks we should be up in arms against the people we put in office?  This is as anti-nationalistic as it gets!

This call for "swadeshi" when he flies in a foreign made aeroplane (which he himself by the way, exempts from his "swadeshi" list!), using foreign oil, owning an island in Scotland, and with a thousand other violations of the already outdated principle of "swadeshi" just make him an outdated lunatic to me.

He is not shy of theatrics, attracting attention to himself, doing stunts like dressing up like a woman to escape detection - there's an element of drama in him.  But, anyone who mixes his religion and his politics, for whatever gain, is in my opinion an untrustworthy rascal.  This is a secular country, and all religions are indeed welcome, but personal.  So far, he hasn't spoken about his god, and that's a plus, but there is far too much saffron in his support group.

The bigger reason I resent this fool, even while giving him credit where it is due is this - after more than sixty years of being a nation, after reaching a point where we should be taking up an excellent place amongst the league of nations, after all the advancements we have made, is this Baba Ramdev the best face we could come up with to fight against corruption?

None of these misgivings should rob from this man, however, his right to speak his mind, gather with people, or start a movement.  He should not have been evicted or thwarted from doing anything that is not a law and order threat.  I do think however, that this man has some sort of power over people in government.  I don't need to know what that power is, but he does attract an awful lot of attention from many bigwigs.  Maybe he knows some of their dirty secrets?  Maybe he sells a powerful aphrodisiac?  He did try to export some medicines to the USA that were stopped by the Food and Drug Administration there!  This is one hell of an active monkey!  I wouldn't vote for him, or endorse his ways, but I would like to see him around.  He is just too much fun!

-  BSK.

Cannes and Cannots.

No Indian film has gone to Cannes this year.

The only film going from India is made by a Sri Lankan director called Vimukthi Jayasundara, called "Ghatak" and Vimukthi is Sri Lankan.

But we have sent Sonam Kapoor to "walk" the red carpet, and she has the wishes of Deepika Padukone that walked the damn thing last year.  Two years ago, Aishwarya Rai got mad that Sonam was going to walk that same red carpet where she goes every year to sell her perfume or deodorant or soap or whatever for that company she endorses.  This is what we get our idiots to go to Cannes for.

If I made a lousy cake, I would not go anywhere near a cake baking competition.  If I couldn't run fast, I wouldn't go anywhere near a running race.  If I didn't look good, I wouldn't enter a beauty pageant.  So, what is it with movies?  We make totally shitty movies, that even our audiences don't want to watch that much, but for some reason, these bozos from Bollywood, well, mostly from Bollywood, have no problem going to Cannes just to rub shoulders with some better film makers.  Don't these shitheads have any shame?  Or maybe they don't even know good cinema!  Wonder which is worse.

Listen to this Sonam Kapoor talk - it is all about the dress she is going to wear.  Fair enough.  She doesn't have much else to carry to Cannes.  That Rai woman has been going for years, and apparently it is a "dream team" to be on that red carpet with Eva Longoria and Lucy Liu!  God, can anybody NOT see that this is a way for that perfume company or deodorant company to cover all races and nothing else?  Okay, these three are old hags now, but what about young Sonam?  Why should she get sucked into this shit?

Because she can't find any real work.  By real work, I mean, finding a real movie to do, one that has a script and some integrity.  Her Dad Anil Kapoor apparently gave her a pen, according to an advertisement he features in.  Like he is some incredible achiever passing on some ageless ancient wisdom of his lineage to his young daughter!  Up until Slumdog Millionaire, which the whole of India shagged with for a while, even though it was not an Indian film, nobody in the world knew who the fuck Anil Kapoor was.  They still do not, but the Americans thought they should cast him in 24, to make 24 more "global".  So Anil Kapoor went!  He played a Middle Eastern prince!  Could he play an Eskimo?!!  This shit is hilarious.

The Americans are dumb enough to think putting Indian faces will sell their shit to India.  It won't.  We will buy OUR shit, or THEIR shit, not them making our shit, or us making their shit.  Why can't these nitwits wake the fuck up?  No Hollywood studio has succeeded in making an Indian film.  No Indian producer wants to make an international film.  There are a few but those chicks are horrible film makers.  They showed up in some of these festivals with their "issue based" shit because of the issues and because they were chicks.  Nothing else.  Now, there is a hole, and what a relief that must be!  It would be hard to defend any of our mainstream B-wood movies against anything of quality, a roadroller included.  Imagine what torture some of these fools must go through when they land in Cannes with totally pretentious, clueless movies that our audiences lap up with generous doses of forgiveness!

Now this Vimukthi kid has been devoting himself to watch Sathyajit Ray films.  Ugh!  Could he have found anybody less marketable?  And he's even mentioning how his film might open Indian films to international audiences!  Our films are already OPEN to international audiences!!!  There are any number of Patels and Singhs and other Indians all over the world.  All of them DO watch our movies!  Ray did make movies that people in film schools shag over, while the honest mainstream audiences mostly sleep.  Drowsy art.  But at the very least, Ray would not have chased after glory at Cannes.

Doesn't Europe produce shitty movies?  OF course they do!  French directors themselves are caught in a warped bubble of imagination that neither sells nor inspires, and hardly ever connects.  They are mad about Hollywood taking all their money, but will never make the kind of movies Americans make.  Americans don't care too much about high art, but are fantastic at telling stories on screen.  They keep it simple, and they take everybody's money.  So, Cannes wants as many rowdies in its gang as possible, and who to fill the gap better than Bollywood?  Just to make noise, not to show up with anything of quality - doing exactly what they do in India anyway.

Cannes = a place for our actors to show up.  TV = a place to find out where our actors are showing up.  Cricket grounds = a place for our actors to make sure they showed up.  Advertisements = seriously, what the fuck does Shah Rukh Khan know about paint?  Social causes = shoot endangered animals, but talk about saving the tiger.

Ah, showing up!  What else do Bollywood actors have to do anyway?  Why do they have to make this single act so painful for so many of us?

Why do we have to show up anywhere, anyway?


http://www.indianexpress.com/news/sonam-turns-style-diva-on-cannes-red-carpet/791883/

"The gown had a sense of humour"?  No shit.  The other Indian chick showed her panties?  Are you kidding me?  I bet there are some hooligans cheering and clapping there.  There'd be many more if these fools did this on the streets of Mumbai, but they won't be white skinned.  Anything for whitey, bitches?

Well done, Bollywood.

- BSK.

A Nation of Passive Opportunists.

Anna Hazare has re-written history.  In fact, he has ensured the history of India is being written again.  He did the same thing Mahatma Gandhi did to the British - occupy high moral ground and blackmail the powers to succumb to his demand.  This word "blackmail" has a negative ring to it, doesn't it?  That's only because it conjures up images of cheap, witless psychopaths getting something they do not deserve, through devious means.  There's nothing devious about Anna Hazare's means, so clowns like Karan Thapar should stop acting like they are experts of this word "blackmail".  Long live the blackmailer, for the victim is the villain in this case.  Forty two years to pass a bill that gives us the right to prosecute the corrupt?  Enough of this, indeed, Annaji.

The mediocre always has to be pushed, prodded, woken up, beaten, and thrust into action by the extreme to get it to out of its inertial slumber.  India is a nation of massive mediocrity, dying to get worse, but somehow not allowed to by economic pressures.  We are not a non violent nation at all, as some of us would think.  We just choose the safer option because we're afraid of violence when it could turn against us.  What kind of influence do political parties regularly have on the "hapless" masses?  Any local MLA can call upon the services of murderers, thugs and rowdies to beat up any citizen that dares question any move!  This is why we are passive, not non-violent. 

But, we're opportunistic!  Anna Hazare gave us the opportunity, and we pounced on it.  This was our opportunity, not to clean up the nation, but to let our frustrations out.  We might get something out of it, but we might also forget all about it by the time the final draft of the Lokpal Bill comes out around the 30th of June this year.  It is a good thing indeed, but the movement that Hazare talks about is yet to happen.  It takes a fair amount of stamina to fight the system, especially when every moron around us has subscribed to a corrupt system.  Easier to pay the bribe, and get things done smooth and quiet - can this attitude change because of a Bill?  Most definitely not.  It still takes the citizen to approach the Lokpal and complain!  This takes work!  How can we Indians be expected to do work that doesn't pay?

Given the opportunity to get rich through corrupt means, without a major risk of being punished, most Indians would not hesitate for a second to jump into the cesspool.  How is the Lokpal bill going to address this mindset?  It will not, and it is indeed not the aim of the bill.  Given the opportunity to get "ahead" through corrupt means, short circuiting fair competition, most Indians would indeed do exactly this.  How else would we have fake pilots flying our aeroplanes?  We are cowards and we feel sick about it sometimes, but we convince ourselves we are being smart about it.  This is what our intelligence is used for.  Centuries of training in survival have taught us to flourish by staying out of the way, like germs.  Germs don't threaten enough to invite extermination, but are dangerous enough to keep us sick and unproductive - exactly what India is today.

How is the Lokpal Bill going to work, when it becomes the duty of the germs to inform the body of the invading disease?  We love the dis-ease.  We thrive in it, we thrive because of it, and we love the calmness of the sick patient, who has given up all hopes of fighting back.  In other words, this Anna Hazare character is a pest who is making us come out of our slumber and telling us we don't have to be germs anymore, because the patient is willing to let us lead a healthy existence within her body.  God bless Mother India, but how will the sheer masses of incompetence cope with an India that wants to throw out corruption?  Corruption is what keeps our masses lazy, well fed, and uncomplaining.  What can replace this incredible fuel?

We want opportunities.  Opportunities to further our laziness, opportunities to further our economic goals, and our sense of entitlement and power.  These have always existed.  Now, we also want opportunities to "feel good" about ourselves.  This is a new want, a new addiction in new age India.  We didn't want our boys to win the world cup because they played the best cricket and were truly deserving of the honour.  We wanted them to win so that we as "Indians" could wave the flag and yell at the world.  This is very sophomoric and idiotic of course, but it is also very American.  The USA is the country for us to look up to, for some reason.  No wonder a lot of our idiots have started putting their hands on their unfit chests when OUR national anthem is playing.  This again is nothing but an "opportunity" to showcase our patriotism just like Americans, but it has indeed become the opportunity for us to show how stupid we are, since even the Americans are supposed to do it not for their national anthem but for the Pledge of Allegiance!

There is nothing wrong in wanting to be Number One.  So, the pride we feel in our cricket team is natural.  How about doing something about the #119 we have in the Human Development Index?  See, we do not have the shining, sexy, fashionable opportunity for doing this.  It is not going to be quick, it is not going to be jingoistic, and it is not going to be vocal, so this process is going to be dull, unattractive, grinding, and horrendously time consuming.  We may not even be around when we get within #100 of this pesky index!  So, indeed we are not going to even try!

Anna Hazare didn't just provide the platform.  In this age of media glare, he provided the stage for many of our clowns to show up and perform.  The government yielded, not because it was morally forced to, but because it did not want to look like a failure on this stage!  It is all about perception, and performance on the stage!  No wonder Bollywood is completely in support of Anna Hazare although it produces movies with underworld money, has actors who shoot down wildlife, and even those who buy machine guns from terrorist outfits!  Was India outraged when Sanjay Dutt came on TV feeling bad about the terrorist attacks of 26th November?  Of course not!  We forgot that he had immersed himself in criminal anti-national activity but remembered him for his role in Munna Bhai or whatever crap.

We have become a nation of simplistic, easily manipulated fools.  We are no longer capable of critical thinking.  We go with what we like or dislike.  Anna Hazare is rather hard to dislike.  He is also not in the grey area, where critical thinking becomes immensely necessary.  He is out there in the white area, which is easy to sign up for!  That is why we chose to support him, not because we understood the full import of this Lokpal Bill and his blackmail tactic.  It takes the threat of calamity to force India to act in any haste to do ANY good.  We Indians love the foreboding threat of anything larger than life.  That is why we love our movie heroes to beat up fifty villains.  If he was human, it would require fifty of us to help him, and that won't be so interesting would it?

If we had to vote for a Supremo, a dictator or a king, (called "President" in some countries), we would gladly switch to that system.  We have grown up for centuries with kings as our benevolent dictators.  We even fondly recollect those times as the golden past of India.  The BJP even has a king Ram as their idol, so I wonder why nobody has asked them what the heck they are doing in a democracy while talking about a king all the time!  We do not like democracy really, because it puts responsibility on us.  If we could be slaves, we would.  That is why we make kings out of our elected leaders, and they gladly accept!  That is why they loot, and we applaud.  Look at those statues Mayawati has built of herself, and we know exactly what "opportunity" means for an Indian.

So, how to we function in the collective?  We do not!  We did not choose democracy.  It was chosen for us.  And now it may be too late to switch to a benevolent dictatorship, because too many of us would want to be the dictator.  So, we have this farce of a system where we elect people who don't have to listen to us or serve our interests as soon as they are elected.  Now, we're going to have the means to throw them in jail for corruption.  What about our own apathy, our incompetence, and our complete acceptance, even sympathy, for the crooked?  After all, we're the nation of really passive germs, who totally understand the need for survival.  How do we switch to intolerance?  We should suddenly thrash the peon who wants ten rupees for his "coffee"?  Or refuse to pay a donation that will ensure our unfit kid's a seat in that engineering college?  How are we going to change ourselves?

Our media has played a massive role in popularizing Anna Hazare and his campaign.  But this is not a service it embarked upon performing.  This was a big enough story to carry at the top.  Viewership!  Numbers!  Money!  Opportunity indeed!  From the World Cup to the IPL, the news channels were forced to fight for scraps.  Now Anna Hazare has provided them with phenomenal gravity.  It's a good thing this did not happen during the India-Pakistan match!  Very clever of you, Annaji!  Perfect timing!

Now, whatever happened to our sailors captured by Somali pirates, the Adarsh building scam, the 2G scam, the Commonwealth Games scam, and the thousand of other scams?  None of them are worth our attention now?  Eerily, it is time for something to come crashing down.  People must die for us to pay attention.  That is what Indian lives are worth - to bring viewership to our TV channels.  Aha!  Now, there's an opportunity!

- BSK.

The usual, rampant, shameless, immature, shrill, robotic bullshit.

SPOILER ALERT:

If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".

http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece

For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.

Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.

Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.

Here is my take on some of this crap.

1.  Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual!  Hello?  Aren't all professionals supposed to do this?  Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual.  Does being on time lead to a good film?  Of course not.  But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason.  "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"?  A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual.  So?  Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest.  In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.

2.  Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt!  ??  This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts.  As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050".  In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art?  Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!?  So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter?  By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata?  Remember arrows welding each other on TV?  That was a long time ago, too!  Some more bullshit.

3.  Oh, please.  Sivaji was not a stupendous success.  As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit.  The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more.  If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money?  More bullshit.

4.  Shankar has handled diverse themes?  Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective.  And what exactly does "completely" original mean?  Here's a holler and a hoot.  Shankar says "I can't repeat myself.  I need challenges" !!!!  Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit.  That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!

5.  "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero".  Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo?  "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"??   So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills?  Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product?  Aishwarya Rai is eye candy.  Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions.  Let's leave it at that, shall we?  We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute.  "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.

6.  "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets".   If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we?  “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work?  Didn't he see what he made?  Was it stunning?  Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar?  Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment.  And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!

7.  And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about?  Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard.  For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two!  Or was it too?  God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept.  In fact, I can think of Robocop as well.  If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme.  Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood!  Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music.  Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.

And today is Friday the 13th.  I swear to God, I ...... 

BSK.

Voting Compulsory??!!

The fool's done it again! With each passing day, LK Advani seems bent
on lowering his standing a bit more.

In his latest conch call to the nation, after the dubious claims of
his monkey army being able to bring back money from Swiss Bank
accounts like they brought back Sita from Lanka, now this idiot wants
Compulsory Voting!

Helllllloooooo!!!!! Is this guy even awake? What kind of a joke is
he trying to pull on us?

Voting is a right, you idiot, and we "exercise" our rights. We do not
"obey" them. If we're ordered to do it, that wouldn't be a right, it
would be a compulsion, an enforcement, an order, a decree, or a
dictum. Voting is none of this, and should never be.

To say the least, this foolhardy idea would require a Constitutional
amendment, and a historically significant one, for this would be the
first time a democracy, where "rights" and "freedom" are trumpeted as
the holy grail, as the high moral ground for us all to tread on with
awe and respect, we would have to give up one of the most fundamental,
differentiating, empowering "rights" in order to obey an order. Good
bye, democracy!

It is such a deep, scathing insult on everything we stand for, on the
very basic idea of India, and an absolute attack on the very soul of
our collective, that we should be baying for this fool's blood.
Instead, guess what, as if to underline our apathy towards all things
Indian, this crack pot might actually become Prime Minister!

Imagine having a Prime Minister that doesn't even understand the
difference between a right and an order! Imagine having a clown who
cannot tell the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship.
Imagine having to vote for a punk who is ready to strip away the very
right that gives his own life some sort of meaning!

Let's assume that voting does become compulsory.

Very well, so how is this going to be enforced? I don't show up at
any voting station on election day. I find myself in Madhya Pradesh,
or abroad, when I am supposed to vote in Bangalore. How is the
government going to bring me to my voting station? And how long is it
going to take before all Indian voters are rounded up and made to
vote? And how long is the counting going to last, if the enforcers
suddenly discovered five hundred people who didn't vote, spread over
fifteen districts? This is bound to be a lot of fun!

India by the way, is one of the strangest democracies in the world,
where physical presence at your own very voting centre is mandatory if
you want to cast your ballot. There are millions of Indian citizens
outside the country all the time, and during election time, all of
them stand disenfranchised, due to the absence of absentee ballots.
What the bloody hell difference should it make where I am on a given
day, to the simple act of casting my vote?

At any given point in time, there are atleast ten thousand of our
military personnel on UN duty somewhere away from India. More often
than not, they are busy trying to set up a democratic system in some
godforsaken country. None of them can cast their vote today because
of our own stupid system that prevents them from doing so. Most
Indian soldiers, including airmen and sailors, have very little chance
of voting because of the current system. Military personnel can vote
only during general elections, in their area of posting, only if they
are registered with the Election Commission to vote in that specific
area. What is the likelihood of this taking place?

I'd like to see the Indian government airlift ten thousand of our UN
troops out of Somalia, bring them all to their native polling booths
in India, ensure they cast their precious ballots and fly them back
before the next morning, so that some village doesn't get massacred.
Oops, not my idea.

The BJP, with its slogans of "India Shining" and the noise about the
IT revolution notwithstanding, have completely ignored the fact that
not having an absentee ballot system is a shame on our democracy, just
a little smaller than having to put up with voting becoming
compulsory! So, why can't the wrongs be fixed before we lose our
rights?

If we are ordered to do something as silly as vote, even when we may
be ignorant of our candidates, their stands on issues, hundreds of
parties with shady loyalties and shadier agendas, and a general
fatigue with the process of having their incompetence hammered on us
through slogans and campaigns and mudslinging and very immature
behaviour, we would be hard pressed to find sanity and make a choice
right in front of the ballot paper.

Enter form 49-O. It is a form you can fill in order to let the system
know that you are willing to take the pain to come to the polling
station, but do not find any candidate worthy of your vote. Guess
what? Most polling stations do not even have this form! It is a form
for "Voting Nobody" and yet making sure your vote isn't stolen. If
there are more 49-O forms filled out than the number of votes any
candidate has got, that candidate is out!

So, compel us, you idiot, and we will fill our 49-O forms en masse!

It is a tragedy that no political party will ever voluntarily tell you
about this dreaded form 49-O. Electronic voting machines do not even
have a button for that "No Vote to Any Candidate" option. If voting
was made available online, you bet this would be a popular option!

Back to the crux of the matter - compulsion. IF we agree to be
compelled, surely, we should be able to compel the government to
fulfill a few compulsions we can put on them. How about making it
compulsory for all courts in the country to maintain a zero backlog of
cases? How about making it compulsory for all trains to arrive on
time or money back to all passengers? How about making it compulsory
for all corporations to pick up garbage and not leave any street
dirty? How about making it compulsory for all politicians to give
deadlines and fulfill all election year promises or go to jail and
forfeit all rights to stand in any election in India?

Holy crap! All this amounts to actually doing some work! Why, it
even asks people to perform! My God, this might amount to an
expectation of excellence! I think most of our politicians wouldn't
mind a slipper on their face instead of having to live up to such
"compulsions"! Heck, it's even fashionable these days! See how well
it works without being compulsory?