Kamal Haasan is a Genius!

For all the hype surrounding his movie Vishwaroopam and the premiere show on DTH platforms, the controversy within the industry over this decision, and all the arguments, there is buzz too!  And the buzz isn't about anything in the movie.  Kamal Haasan is a genius!

The cost of the movie is 95 crores says Kamal Haasan.  Nobody knows if this is true, but if he says it is, it must be.  Not that anybody has come forward to buy it, but there are so many things nobody wants to buy at cost price, so if you're not able to sell the new house you built, you can always rent it out, or lease it out.  There are other alternatives, and Kamal Haasan is going after them, because he is a genius!

Here is his interview:

http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/todays-paper/tp-oncampus/viswaroopam-will-hit-homes-first/article4188964.ece

and another article: http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/industry-and-economy/marketing/airtel-dth-to-premiere-viswaroopam-on-jan-10/article4235220.ece

He has spoken about some people fighting a war against technology.  It must be some sort of amazing star wars technology if more than fifteen lakhs of Indians have been watching TV through DTH for a while now.  So, it must be a WAR out there against this "technology" if more and more people are buying DTH systems for their homes.  Wow!  Kamal Haasan is a genius!

All DTH systems in the country have been delivering movies for a long time now, but surely they will need a new set of microprocessors, software, upgrades and modifications if a movie has to be aired before it comes out in the theatres.  After all, this "technology" has to be "embraced", not just used, says Kamal Haasan, genius!

Kamal Haasan expects 40-50 percent of a target 15 lakh DTH subscribers, that's a good 6-7.5 lakh subscribers, to watch this movie one day before its theatrical release, by paying Rs.1000.  He also says there is no way this can be pirated, while humbly accepting that there is no way to really fight "technology".  There it is again!  But here is the recorder you can use to pirate it - http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/703341-REG/Elgato_Systems_10021040_EyeTV_HD_DVR.html.  But who knows?  Maybe it won't work when you and I connect it.  Kamal Haasan is a genius!

Kamal Haasan expects this movie to make 150 Cr. rupees.  That's the equivalent of every single resident of Tamilnadu, all 7 crore people, including children and old, poor and rich, shelling out 20 rupees each and then some coming from somewhere else.  How many of them want to see a Tamil actor in a film of "international importance", jumping, shooting, saying things like, "I'm the villain and the hero, both!", that keeps a serious, if fat, tired and sleep deprived face while saying so, is beyond some of us mortals in this population, but then, Kamal Haasan is a genius!  He must know.

The movie contains kamal haasan, guns, white guys, kamal haasan, muslims, kamal haasan, explosions, kamal haasan, a young chick, terrorism, kamal haasan, and some kind of plot involving all the above and Kamal Haasan.  It must be important to get the viewpoint of an actor from Alwarpet about these burning topics, because he is a genius.

The movie itself, of which there has been no talk, is billed as a spy thriller.  Here is the trailer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP3a-cQ19Og

And here is a trailer of another spy thriller, that came out years ago - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD-uQreIwEk

And its sequel - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-HqyyfBbSo

But maybe you like Kamal Haasan's English accent better?

- BSK.

The usual, rampant, shameless, immature, shrill, robotic bullshit.

SPOILER ALERT:

If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".

http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece

For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.

Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.

Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.

Here is my take on some of this crap.

1.  Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual!  Hello?  Aren't all professionals supposed to do this?  Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual.  Does being on time lead to a good film?  Of course not.  But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason.  "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"?  A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual.  So?  Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest.  In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.

2.  Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt!  ??  This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts.  As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050".  In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art?  Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!?  So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter?  By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata?  Remember arrows welding each other on TV?  That was a long time ago, too!  Some more bullshit.

3.  Oh, please.  Sivaji was not a stupendous success.  As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit.  The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more.  If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money?  More bullshit.

4.  Shankar has handled diverse themes?  Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective.  And what exactly does "completely" original mean?  Here's a holler and a hoot.  Shankar says "I can't repeat myself.  I need challenges" !!!!  Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit.  That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!

5.  "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero".  Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo?  "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"??   So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills?  Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product?  Aishwarya Rai is eye candy.  Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions.  Let's leave it at that, shall we?  We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute.  "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.

6.  "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets".   If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we?  “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work?  Didn't he see what he made?  Was it stunning?  Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar?  Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment.  And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!

7.  And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about?  Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard.  For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two!  Or was it too?  God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept.  In fact, I can think of Robocop as well.  If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme.  Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood!  Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music.  Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.

And today is Friday the 13th.  I swear to God, I ...... 

BSK.

London Dreams, Mumbai weeps.

London Dreams is like many other B-wood movies – about a dream, a fantasy, and a ride that doesn't always have to have its seat bolted to any kind of reality, or in this case, believability.

If three Indians are brought together by fate, even after their lives having taken completely different paths to that point, and the singular higher purpose that binds them is a rock-star performance at an enormously popular stadium like Wembley, we need something more than a concrete structure of a stadium to believe this story – they probably need to sing in English and play music that most of the people coming there would be able to appreciate.

It is not for nothing that Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy are busy making their living in Mumbai, composing music for Hindi movies. If their music was good enough to rock the world at Wembley, they would have been doing that, instead of Mannu, Arjun and Priya.

Granted that neither of these roles are played by Reese Witherspoon or Joaquin Phoenix who would train till they could render perfect performances for a "Walk The Line", granted that London Dreams has come out of the usual pedigree Mumbai cacophony and is meant for the substantially lowered expectations of typical Hindi language cinema audiences that have been mercilessly dumbed down by B-wood. But, given the story – chasing a dream, could one be blamed for expecting more?

If a film depends on its musical numbers to stand out, it needs to have outstanding music. London Dreams doesn't. If it depends on its storyline to be noticed, it has to have a little more than two friends uniting after many years, a little better character motivation than one of them bringing the other to London, and if their friendship was the big mover, then the token girlfriend should go through an experience of her own that is a lot larger than changing hands. None of this is part of this movie called London Dreams which has had a great deal of work done in the promos and the publicity, but very little on the script, as usual.

Scene for scene, you would expect two experienced actors like Ajay Devgan and Salman Khan to easily deliver the undemanding, oversimplified love to anger range of emotions that B-wood cinema invariably spits out mercilessly on its audiences and the director ensures they don't enter any dangerous territories of challenging performances. Everybody is adequately over the top exactly as you could expect from a B movie from B-wood.

Asin's role as always, could have been performed by any girl in B-wood, and she's adequately available to the uninspiring demands this script places on her. Priya is at the centre of a great friendship gone sour, but when there is such a human endeavour in progress like chasing that elusive dream of a great live performance before a big human gathering, how can we burden her with the extra gravity of the personal?

So, the men are allowed to bring the story to its (chrono)logical end, which is rather soothing after the long drawn out indifference to the music and the story. As for the earth shattering moment that brings Arjun down to earth, we all saw it coming, for that is what happens to good guys who went down the wrong path in Hindi movies. They never give us the pleasure of telling us that they had a great time on the dark side, do they? Because they have a reputation to protect – of being ready for the next mediocre film to do the same expected things all over again.

Yet another vague, purposeless, weak kneed, over-hyped, glossed over, noisily promoted offering from B-wood, with nothing special to offer. But then, heck, you can get to see Wembley, and some of us who aren't lucky enough to be sleeping with ear plugs in air conditioned comfort after paying the money to get in, we might even catch glimpses of Paris, Amsterdam and Rome. Want a good movie from B-wood? Dream on.

PS: Sure this was written before the release of the film, as you can tell by the time of this post, but did it make any difference, really? If you've seen the film, please tell me why I should too!