SPOILER ALERT:
If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".
http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece
For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.
Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.
Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.
Here is my take on some of this crap.
1. Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual! Hello? Aren't all professionals supposed to do this? Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual. Does being on time lead to a good film? Of course not. But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason. "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"? A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual. So? Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest. In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.
2. Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt! ?? This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts. As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050". In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art? Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!? So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter? By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata? Remember arrows welding each other on TV? That was a long time ago, too! Some more bullshit.
3. Oh, please. Sivaji was not a stupendous success. As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit. The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more. If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money? More bullshit.
4. Shankar has handled diverse themes? Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective. And what exactly does "completely" original mean? Here's a holler and a hoot. Shankar says "I can't repeat myself. I need challenges" !!!! Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit. That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!
5. "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero". Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo? "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"?? So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills? Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product? Aishwarya Rai is eye candy. Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions. Let's leave it at that, shall we? We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute. "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.
6. "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets". If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we? “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work? Didn't he see what he made? Was it stunning? Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar? Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment. And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!
7. And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about? Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard. For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two! Or was it too? God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept. In fact, I can think of Robocop as well. If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme. Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood! Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music. Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.
And today is Friday the 13th. I swear to God, I ......
BSK.
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