Kumble, Harsha, Corporate India and Cricket India.

This bumbling idiot Harsha Bhogle has been at it for some time now - throwing out tentative ideas and hoping some hooks will find biters.  Given the number of idiots in India, it is not surprising this fool even has a fan base!  But enough is enough, because....

He now suggests (the best of) corporate India should help India's cricketers.  Since when did corporate India get this claim on excellence?  The Indian cricket team is the #1 ranked cricket team in the world in Tests and is nearly there in ODIs.  Where is corporate India?  Isn't this a bit like a pujari advising Gautama Buddha?  And Kumble apparently wants to help young cricketers!  What the heck for?


http://www.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/473310.html

Corporate India is about hiding incompetence behind a facade of professionalism.  It is about rank incompetence in numbers pretending like it can do a job.  Show me ONE achievement of corporate India that is unique, pathbreaking, an example for the world to follow, and has changed the lives of many people positively.  I can tell you without flinching that Kapil Dev single handedly inspired millions, changed our outlook towards life, and gave us something no corporate motherfucking world conquering gameplaying suitwearing cocksucking high flying asshole has ever given - hope in ourselves.  Kapil did that, without ever resorting to anything boring.

Without the cursing, here is why Harsha should not have this job of writing trash and getting paid.  Here is the clearest difference between what corporate ethos is about and the ethos of a sportsperson.  Corporations are all about the collective.  Sports is about the individual, yes, even in team games.  You can hide a lousy employee, but you cannot hide a lousy sportsperson.  Mediocrity can pass in an office, on the field it will be mercilessly exposed.  You can hang on to a company for life just by not becoming offensive.  Most sports teams get rid of players very quickly without performances.  The yardstick for a sportsperson is being the best in the world.  The yardstick for a company is its bottomline - it doesn't have to be better than anyone in order to survive.  (Come on!  No matter what you argue against this, does it really take a Tata to make salt?).  There is no glare on one failure in the corporate world.  In fact, there is no glare on many collective failures either.  On the sportsperson, the glare is intense, and merciless.  It is not surprising how Harsha and his wife have talked about how corporations can learn from sports.  That's the way it should be.  Now, for some monkey's finger in the ass reason, Harsha thinks our corporations can teach cricket.  No, Harsha.  Corporations can own cricket but they cannot really do much about producing better cricketers, even at the human level.

First of all, why do we want our cricketers to be good human beings?  Is that something we care about if he can crunch a batsman's toe, or whack the ball out of the stadium?  The most primal thing about sport is that it is essentially physical.  Do we have a problem with this?  Then we should not watch sports or take any interest in it.  But we do, and not only do we do, there are fools like Harsha who think sportsmen should lead their lives a certain "ideal" way.  Nice guys are not who we want in sports.  We want winners.  Once in a while, there will be an MS Dhoni, a pretty nice guy who stays cool, talks well, and is above board as far as ethics go.  But we won't love him for any of that if he can't whack the crap out of a cricket ball and lead his Team India to giddy achievements.

Why is it that we cannot celebrate pure brilliance and always have to reduce the mercurial to the accessible mediocrity of a "regular" person.  The "regular" or "good" people are not interesting.  Celebrities are supposed to be interesting people.  Let them have their characteristics.  What is so hard to understand about this?

For one, we should dread Anil Kumble having anything to do with Indian cricket or young cricketers.  It is all good that he was a hard working cricketer, a fierce competitor, took his moustache off, and is now leading the RCB in the IPL.  Ah!  The last part should really rattle us.  And this is where I beg to differ from Harsha's enthusiastic endorsement of Kumble wanting to work with India's youngsters in grooming them and helping them prepare for life as youngsters.  Preparing for life as humdrum, grimacing also rans?  No thanks!  What worked for Kumble will not work for others who don't come from where he does.

Moreover, and more importantly, Kumble is not Kapil Dev.  He does not inspire.  His statistics are awesome, but the very fact that he is a disciplined, focused and beady eyed competitor also means that he is like many school teachers with several degrees and the intent to make you look up to them.  Truth is, this is EXACTLY the kind of monster most of our young cricketers will be glad to not be under.  That is why they are playing cricket, not pursuing studies!

In the last edition of the IPL, Kumble was playing with rich kids.  Kids who could become millionaires with one big innings, one inspired spell of bowling lasting no more than 4 overs, and kids who could become heroes or zeroes before the game ended, only to come back to life and the limelight shortly after in the very next game.  Kumble was the old school leader.  But was he graceful?  Only if you left the letters d, i, and s out at the start.  He removed the one thing that RCB had in shortage to start with - enthusiasm.  Under Kumble, the team did better than it did under Pietersen, but that is not saying much.

Kumble was angry, yelling around, not able to handle pressure, rude to the youngsters on the field, and finally, when the tense moments came, came up short.  On one occasion, it was the last over, and Kumble was batting with the tail, with a few tight runs to get.  He took a single and went to the non strikers end.  Then, he saw the kid at the other end play and miss a couple, went over to advice him, and guess what?  He was bowled the very next ball!  Seriously, what is there to tell a tailender when 4 is needed off 1 ball?  This isn't bad captaincy, or strategy - it is the symptom of a control freak, who has set ways of doing things, and thinks he can will it out of his wards.  The schoolmaster at his worst!

This is not the moron we want grooming our youngsters to handle their professional, personal or business affairs.  Most certainly not their "lives".  What is that going to be - a paid father job?  A job that will take all the fun out of being out in the open, bowling, batting or fielding?  That is all cricket is, isn't it?  Isn't it the team that does these three things that wins?  So, what exactly does Kumble have to do, since he can't teach others to bowl like him, doesn't know how to bat, and is a lousy fielder?

Harsha thinks our youngsters need to be taught how to handle success!  Sure, but not by sore losers.  Kumble not once happily acknowledged how good another team was when his team was beaten.  Being sore and serious, and looking constantly agitated, constipated, disgruntled and aggravated is hardly the way to handle life and this is hardly the moron who should be helping our youngsters become anything like this.

So what if our youngsters don't take life so seriously?  They are much more fun than this schoolmaster prick!  Fun is what cricket is.  It is just a game, for fuck's sake!  Who are these idiots who are busy suggesting that fun be taken out of life?  We need all the entertainment we get out of something like the IPL, and that is why we pay, and that is why it is rich.  I don't grudge any of our kids striking it rich in one season and vanishing the next.  His purpose, his dharma, was to burn bright for that one season?  So be it!  I don't want to see everyone becoming the dull lamp that glows for a hundred years!

Chennai doesn't have any of this scholastic disciplinarian, or corporate management shit.  But they are a happy team that rose from 7th place and won the IPL.  They are the MOST consistent team in the IPL.  Dhoni keeps it simple and kids respond.  End of story.  The results are there to show.  Dhoni is the man and the men in yellow are the happiest team.  They even won the Fairplay Award, so they're not stressing out either.  Harsha and Kumble, learn from MSD and keep your fucking traps shut.

BSK

A question of rape

Shantaram Naik, MP, mentioned yesterday in the Parliament that some
women invite rape and murder because of their behaviour! The view
itself isn't shocking, coming from an Indian male living in the stone
age. But the logic behind it should disturb anyone who can spare a
thought about the quality of people we elect to public office, to
supposedly represent us.

In quoting what the fool said - "This incident has been blown out of
proportion in the electronic media... Young lady herself invited all
the alleged offences against her, ultimately resulting in her tragic
death in the middle of the night....!" and then later, outside the
Parliament building, "Two types of rape... different angle... rape is
alleged against a man who has been moving with a lady for some
time.... police should investigate very cautiously!"

How do you blow an incident of rape out of proportion? It is the most
demeaning of crimes, for there is no reversal, there is no complete
justice, and in my opinion should be punishable by death, like in many
Arab countries. No matter what you do, you CANNOT blow a rape out of
proportion. Nothing is even comparable to it and no compensation can
ever truly be just.

This idiot Naik is essentially stating point blank that if he can
reach the fruits in his neighbour's garden, he can very well steal and
it would be his neighbour and his garden that should be blamed for
inviting his thievery. Very nice, Mr. Naik.

How many times do women in India have to be abused and reabused before
our leaders even begin to respect them? How dare such ignorant,
insensitive, absolutely distilled morons refuse to even comprehend
that a crime is a crime! If I get verbally abused, and I ended up
killing my abuser, I very much doubt if I'd be let go on the basis
that the abuser invited his death at my hands, no matter how true that
may be. Is rape any less serious? What about when murder follows
rape? Can any crime be more heinous?

This Naik represents the stone age Indian Male's attitude towards
women - sexist, ill informed, and simply lacking respect. This is the
mindset that leads to abuse, assault, rape and murder of women. This
fool in my view has taken the side of rapists and abusers and is
encouraging them, basically saying women they think they can rape are
fair game.

S. M. Krishna, the External Affairs Minister evaded the "sexist"
remarks question about Naik and said, "Tourists safety is government
responsibility, but foreign tourists also need to be cautious". Why
don't we put "Be cautious about getting raped when you travel to
India" on every Incredible India poster? I thought this guy had some
brains, but clearly he is whacked out too.

If we have rapists on the loose, this is a bloody law and order
problem. We're still not saying that our rapists are a problem!
We're not saying that we have in our society, dangerous prowling
rapists, many of whom are politicians, who can rubbish a police case
and turn it on its head. What would it take to make this admission?

The Russian Consulate is about to issue an advisory to its tourists
asking them not to venture out after 10PM in Goa. This really should
be very insulting, but we don't care about such things. Not the
Indian male for sure. For all of this would take integrity and a
sense of decency. For some reason, the Stone Age Indan male, the
SAIM, for short, thinks this is an issue of attitude. The SAIM is
intimidated by modern women, especially if they are Indian. It is a
complex issue, and one that needs to be ruthlessly dealt with.

I have come across a lot of SAIMs who are nothing but third rate,
sexist scum, allowed to flourish on this earth by their mentally
enslaved mothers who cannot teach their sons an iota of decency for
having such a lousy view of women. A lot of SAIMs think rape happens
by women who simply don't behave appropriately. Some of them actually
think and express their opinion that this is an attitude problem.
Sure you probably won't get raped if you are ugly and sit at home, but
it certainly, most certainly, shouldn't be an invitation to get raped
and murdered if you are attractive, have a life and want to be out and
about at night.

Many SAIMs tell me about a golden period that India had, especially
under Lord Ram, when women were decent and our society was just
incredibly "good". Hello! Ravana also showed up around the same
time, didn't he? Was Sita flaunting something? How come she never
gets blamed? And what about the less spoken about story of Ram having
questioned her fidelity when she came back? Sorry, that is not the
mentality I want to subscribe to. Imagine an entire army fighting to
bring back your woman, and you dare ask her if she slept with the guy
who kidnapped her! If this story is true, Ram didn't set standards
high enough for me. But clearly, this is the highest standard that
many Indian males seem to subscribe to. Hey Ram.

BSK.

The Communist Debacle.

The CPI (M) is meeting to discuss its poll debacle.

Well, not bad for a discussion that is behind its time by about twenty
five years.

What a laugh that the Left sees itself as the saviour from all our
problems, the ills of our rotten, capitalist, selfish, greedy ways.
Nepal can be forgiven for their democratic innocence in voting the
Maoists to power and wondering why they haven't made any progress one
year later.

India, thankfully, has never taken communism seriously, although we
have our respect for socialism while implementing our own brand of
capitalism. The fact is, capitalism is closest to human nature.
After centuries of evolution, experimentation and enterprise, we
humans love to hoard, we take advantage of opportunity, and we want to
be powerful and wealthy. We also want to be benevolent and insanely
philanthropical when we want to. Capitalism allows all this.

Communism on the other hand tells us we should avoid being rich in
order to help the poor, avoid being strong in order to help the weak.
It appears we should also be advised to remain stupid so we can help
others who are more so. It is so inimical to the growth of the
individual that even the Soviet Union gave up on the idea.

But the fools in the Communist Party of India, just like the
Republican party in the USA, are looking inward in the wrong
direction! They still think they made some mistakes that cost them the
election! Much like a wife who looks within for a reason for her
husband leaving her, it never occurs to the victims of pure choice
that there really IS a choice out there, perhaps.

That's what democracy is all about. Choice. We have choices,
options, ideas, perspectives, and our own personal takes on all of
these. We do not choose communism because it is passe. The results
in Kerala and West Bengal should convince our Communist brothers and
sisters that they are stuck in a mindset that is not quite keeping up
with the rest of the country. To debate on what they did wrong is
about as useful as wondering what sin we committed for the tsunami to
hit us.

To make us choose communism would take a LOT out of us. We have to
stop believing in all the good that capitalism has brought upon us.
Communists have told us for a long time that capitalism breeds greed,
forgetting quite conveniently that communist countries have had some
of the biggest wealth hoarding leaders, provided for dictatorial,
oppressive regimes, and not produced ONE success story!

Prakash Karat doesn't inspire any confidence in me. His mates don't
do much for me either. They all sound so humdrum, out of touch with
today and really, really boring. Imagine having one of them for Prime
Minister. Not happening, Sir.

We don't live our lives worrying about the collective on such
philanthropic terms that we would avoid being rich in order to "help"
the poor. We don't think of what we can do for the whole nation,
until we are okay ourselves. And even then, what is wrong with
selfishness, what is wrong with taking care of ourselves before we
care about others? It is amazing how only apparently frustrated, "not
rich enough" kind of people are the ones that join the Communist
Party!

The poor in our country aren't poor because our rich stole from them.
There just hasn't been enough opportunity. The way to create
opportunity is not through freebies, but through enterprise, education
and encouragement of ideas. For any of this, we should nurture and
celebrate individual success, focus very clearly and unabashedly on
creating opportunity to become insanely wealthy.

Only in a climate of abundance can we really contribute to an
ecosystem capable of creating economic wel being and eventually create
a flourishing country. Communism is busy playing the politics of
prevention. I'm glad we've prevented them from showing up on the
national political landscape. Let's now leave them to analyze their
failures if that is what it takes to keep them out of the way. Here's
a hint - this is not a debacle at the polls, it is a debacle at the
idea level.

Voting Compulsory??!!

The fool's done it again! With each passing day, LK Advani seems bent
on lowering his standing a bit more.

In his latest conch call to the nation, after the dubious claims of
his monkey army being able to bring back money from Swiss Bank
accounts like they brought back Sita from Lanka, now this idiot wants
Compulsory Voting!

Helllllloooooo!!!!! Is this guy even awake? What kind of a joke is
he trying to pull on us?

Voting is a right, you idiot, and we "exercise" our rights. We do not
"obey" them. If we're ordered to do it, that wouldn't be a right, it
would be a compulsion, an enforcement, an order, a decree, or a
dictum. Voting is none of this, and should never be.

To say the least, this foolhardy idea would require a Constitutional
amendment, and a historically significant one, for this would be the
first time a democracy, where "rights" and "freedom" are trumpeted as
the holy grail, as the high moral ground for us all to tread on with
awe and respect, we would have to give up one of the most fundamental,
differentiating, empowering "rights" in order to obey an order. Good
bye, democracy!

It is such a deep, scathing insult on everything we stand for, on the
very basic idea of India, and an absolute attack on the very soul of
our collective, that we should be baying for this fool's blood.
Instead, guess what, as if to underline our apathy towards all things
Indian, this crack pot might actually become Prime Minister!

Imagine having a Prime Minister that doesn't even understand the
difference between a right and an order! Imagine having a clown who
cannot tell the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship.
Imagine having to vote for a punk who is ready to strip away the very
right that gives his own life some sort of meaning!

Let's assume that voting does become compulsory.

Very well, so how is this going to be enforced? I don't show up at
any voting station on election day. I find myself in Madhya Pradesh,
or abroad, when I am supposed to vote in Bangalore. How is the
government going to bring me to my voting station? And how long is it
going to take before all Indian voters are rounded up and made to
vote? And how long is the counting going to last, if the enforcers
suddenly discovered five hundred people who didn't vote, spread over
fifteen districts? This is bound to be a lot of fun!

India by the way, is one of the strangest democracies in the world,
where physical presence at your own very voting centre is mandatory if
you want to cast your ballot. There are millions of Indian citizens
outside the country all the time, and during election time, all of
them stand disenfranchised, due to the absence of absentee ballots.
What the bloody hell difference should it make where I am on a given
day, to the simple act of casting my vote?

At any given point in time, there are atleast ten thousand of our
military personnel on UN duty somewhere away from India. More often
than not, they are busy trying to set up a democratic system in some
godforsaken country. None of them can cast their vote today because
of our own stupid system that prevents them from doing so. Most
Indian soldiers, including airmen and sailors, have very little chance
of voting because of the current system. Military personnel can vote
only during general elections, in their area of posting, only if they
are registered with the Election Commission to vote in that specific
area. What is the likelihood of this taking place?

I'd like to see the Indian government airlift ten thousand of our UN
troops out of Somalia, bring them all to their native polling booths
in India, ensure they cast their precious ballots and fly them back
before the next morning, so that some village doesn't get massacred.
Oops, not my idea.

The BJP, with its slogans of "India Shining" and the noise about the
IT revolution notwithstanding, have completely ignored the fact that
not having an absentee ballot system is a shame on our democracy, just
a little smaller than having to put up with voting becoming
compulsory! So, why can't the wrongs be fixed before we lose our
rights?

If we are ordered to do something as silly as vote, even when we may
be ignorant of our candidates, their stands on issues, hundreds of
parties with shady loyalties and shadier agendas, and a general
fatigue with the process of having their incompetence hammered on us
through slogans and campaigns and mudslinging and very immature
behaviour, we would be hard pressed to find sanity and make a choice
right in front of the ballot paper.

Enter form 49-O. It is a form you can fill in order to let the system
know that you are willing to take the pain to come to the polling
station, but do not find any candidate worthy of your vote. Guess
what? Most polling stations do not even have this form! It is a form
for "Voting Nobody" and yet making sure your vote isn't stolen. If
there are more 49-O forms filled out than the number of votes any
candidate has got, that candidate is out!

So, compel us, you idiot, and we will fill our 49-O forms en masse!

It is a tragedy that no political party will ever voluntarily tell you
about this dreaded form 49-O. Electronic voting machines do not even
have a button for that "No Vote to Any Candidate" option. If voting
was made available online, you bet this would be a popular option!

Back to the crux of the matter - compulsion. IF we agree to be
compelled, surely, we should be able to compel the government to
fulfill a few compulsions we can put on them. How about making it
compulsory for all courts in the country to maintain a zero backlog of
cases? How about making it compulsory for all trains to arrive on
time or money back to all passengers? How about making it compulsory
for all corporations to pick up garbage and not leave any street
dirty? How about making it compulsory for all politicians to give
deadlines and fulfill all election year promises or go to jail and
forfeit all rights to stand in any election in India?

Holy crap! All this amounts to actually doing some work! Why, it
even asks people to perform! My God, this might amount to an
expectation of excellence! I think most of our politicians wouldn't
mind a slipper on their face instead of having to live up to such
"compulsions"! Heck, it's even fashionable these days! See how well
it works without being compulsory?