Why I don't trust Baba Ramdev.

When I was a kid, my friends and I used to ransack other people's gardens for fruit.  We loved the thrill of it, and we ate a lot of fruit.  We were always ready for action, and we were a menace in the neighbourhood, but people put up with us.  It's not "legal" to steal other people's fruits, but a group of mischievous boys who carried no real malice clearly could be allowed to carry out some "illegal" activities.  But, those times passed, and none of us turned out to be thieves as we grew up.

Today, for some reason, a lot of adults in India ARE okay with much more blatant, dangerous, and clearly malicious and malignant levels of illegality.  They have no problem paying bribes, breaking traffic rules, and staying absolutely mute to a lot of wrong that goes on.  They have no problem cheating with their ration cards, no problem evading taxes, and no problem looting crores of rupees from the nation's exchequer.  Where do these people come from?

What I remember from my friends as a kid is that we were always happy.  Sure we got into trouble once in a while, but we didn't have too much to worry about.  I also remember that we had a lot in common - we signed on to the same ideas of "fun", and we had no hidden agendas.  Most importantly, we stood by each other and understood each other's perils and challenges.  On a raid, we could trust one another.  Success or failure, we were there together, to try again!

This is where I have a problem with this bearded troublemaker Baba Ramdev.  I don't trust him.  I like the fact that he is making trouble, and I like the fact that he's got a lot of fools riled up with his demands against corruption.  But he isn't one of us, folks.  In fact, he's very much like the guys we're fighting against - wealthy, well connected, and powerful.  Imagine if a thirty five year old father of two wanted to go on a fruit raid with us ten year olds.  You think we'd take him along for the ride?  Of course not!  He has no business coming along with us.

This Baba Ramdev has planes to fly him wherever he wants, more than a thousand crore rupees in money, an island somewhere in Scotland, and a whole lot of followers who are willing to give him money.  He has highly qualified people to advise him, legally and financially, and he has a bit of an "empire".  Is this the guy who would be under pressure if asked to pay a bribe to get an apartment registered in his name?  Is this the guy who will stand for hours in line to get something done at some government office with me?  I don't think so.  He doesn't need the same things I do, at a fundamental human level.

He wants all black money stashed abroad to be brought back to India.  The task is noble, but the demand is not just naive, it is outright stupid, because it is steeped against a looming fast unto death.  If this money has ever been quantified, or identified as belonging to such and such persons, we would have to initiate criminal proceedings against such persons, then declare them guilty, inform international law enforcement agencies such as Interpol, then ask respective governments of these tax haven countries to initiate transfer of funds.  This is a precise process, and if a nobody like me can know what is involved, someone who is asking for that money to be brought back to India must actually ask for this process to be set under way, not just scream for the money to come back.  Clearly, this guy is not very well informed and he doesn't present himself effectively.  No leader.

I still stand by his right to protest peacefully, gather with any number of people anywhere, and make his demands to the government.  But if he is important enough for cabinet ministers to receive at the airport, and important enough to be on the news making the Prime Minister and the government in power so nervous, we better know who this bum is.  To me, an ill informed, unthinking, flashy, religious, dodgy, attention seeking noise maker is just a bum.

So, who IS Baba Ramdev?  He is no Anna Hazare.  He has no record of public service.  He isn't qualified in any way to lead any enterprise.  But he has an empire.  How?  He isn't a famous philosopher to have changed the way we perceive the world and the universe.  He is not a great teacher either as far as I know.  He sure as hell did not make his empire charging fees for yoga lessons.  So what is his enterprise?  I am all for yoga teachers getting into public service, and that is not my problem.  The problem is, I don't know this guy well enough to let him represent me or any other Indian.  So, I don't want him speaking for me.  It is that simple.

His followers being many Indians cannot automatically make him the leader of many other Indians.  His followers follow him for being the Baba, but Ramdev is who we don't know much about.  Any Baba has followers, but not many of them can lead something they don't know much about.  We're talking about the nation of India here.  Baba Ramdev wants Hindi to replace English.  Anybody who respects the Constitution of India and who is not a fool knows Hindi is not the national language of India.  It irks me that after so many years of being a democracy, our public education level is so low that many, even political leaders, talk as if Hindi is the national language of India.

Now, he's called for an armed rebellion.  He says he has a force of 11,000 people trained in the art of self-defence.  Fair enough.  But defence against what?  Against our police forces?  You don't need anything too sophisticated to take on our cops.  Just post a couple of women journalists with video cameras, and all our cops will behave rather well.  The only reason this police raid on this Baba's camp occurred at midnight was because media was asleep at the time.  This Baba is going crazy, and this "sena" reminds me of the raid on the Babri Masjid - flat out trouble.  It is the same monkeys that are backing this fool now.

The RSS and the BJP are his friends.  The RSS is political, and so is the BJP.  What is a yogi doing with the support of political entities?  If something is political, it is not automatically corrupted, but there is plenty of historical record for us to worry about.  The India I know and respect sometimes is secular, and does not lean towards any religion or political mindset.  So, what does this Baba Ramdev represent?  I'm not sure it is a healthy, vibrant, democratic, secular, forward thinking India.  He talks of "shaastra" (knowledge) and "shastra" (weapons).  What might be next?  "Sati"?  I hope not, but this guy can surprise anyone!

This is a prime example of how democracy can throw up lunatics who are free to do everything, including making asses of themselves - and others who follow him.  What he is clearly doing here is protesting against the very government our own people voted for!  He thinks we should be up in arms against the people we put in office?  This is as anti-nationalistic as it gets!

This call for "swadeshi" when he flies in a foreign made aeroplane (which he himself by the way, exempts from his "swadeshi" list!), using foreign oil, owning an island in Scotland, and with a thousand other violations of the already outdated principle of "swadeshi" just make him an outdated lunatic to me.

He is not shy of theatrics, attracting attention to himself, doing stunts like dressing up like a woman to escape detection - there's an element of drama in him.  But, anyone who mixes his religion and his politics, for whatever gain, is in my opinion an untrustworthy rascal.  This is a secular country, and all religions are indeed welcome, but personal.  So far, he hasn't spoken about his god, and that's a plus, but there is far too much saffron in his support group.

The bigger reason I resent this fool, even while giving him credit where it is due is this - after more than sixty years of being a nation, after reaching a point where we should be taking up an excellent place amongst the league of nations, after all the advancements we have made, is this Baba Ramdev the best face we could come up with to fight against corruption?

None of these misgivings should rob from this man, however, his right to speak his mind, gather with people, or start a movement.  He should not have been evicted or thwarted from doing anything that is not a law and order threat.  I do think however, that this man has some sort of power over people in government.  I don't need to know what that power is, but he does attract an awful lot of attention from many bigwigs.  Maybe he knows some of their dirty secrets?  Maybe he sells a powerful aphrodisiac?  He did try to export some medicines to the USA that were stopped by the Food and Drug Administration there!  This is one hell of an active monkey!  I wouldn't vote for him, or endorse his ways, but I would like to see him around.  He is just too much fun!

-  BSK.

Enough already!

I'm over the moon with our cricketing boys winning the World Cup.  Finally it is done and dusted - the elusive World Cup is now here, with us!  We are on the top of the world, both in Tests and ODIs and looking every bit like it, after beating many worthy opponents on the way.  I am thrilled to bits.

We have heard a lot about doing it for the nation, for Sachin, for various other reasons, from various players.  We have heard a lot about "the team".  And somehow, by yelling for "India!" (what else can we yell for?), a lot of us have somehow taken ownership of this Cup as if we all deserve it.  This bit is hilarious.

As far as I can see, nobody did a damn thing for the team.  That is not to say they were being selfish.  Hardly so!  They were being thoroughly professional and pooling in their resources in order to secure the win.  This is one very special fifteen member team, not because they can put aside their peeves and egos, as many fools have waxed eloquent about, but because they understood what it takes to win - it is that simple.  Why does the rest of India not understand how to get shit done?  We should not need patriotism to come to our aid each time we should do something to make India work.  Work - that is what this Indian cricket team knows how to do - to make their plans work.  They know how to work on their game till it is good enough to take out the opposition.

Dhoni deserves praise not for doing all this for his nation, which he unwittingly has done, but for listening to his own intuition whenever it mattered most.  It is his single minded trust on his own ability and on his own judgment that won us the cup.  Salute a man that creates his own destiny.  Let's not forget how he stands out as an individual that can galvanize a group into a trusting unit, and let's understand that first and foremost he is a fiercely competitive professional, not to be fooled by anything including patriotism.

Sachin Tendulkar is a lot more given to this patriotism nonsense, but from Dhoni, as from Abhinav Bhindra, it is professionalism first.  No wonder both are world beaters, while Sachin needed Dhoni to get him there.  Australia have done this, what, four times?  And did we hear any of their captains ever say they did it for their kangaroos and the beer drinking morons waving flags?  Heck, they did not even do it for their flag.  They did it purely because they were fierce competitors who loved to win.

I am all for a bit of fun, but to put "nation" onto our young men playing a game is quite retarded.  So, if they are such patriots to win this for us, would they be traitors if they lost?  In our cricket team, I see one quality that is absent in most spheres in India - the want to be better.  These kids are special, and most are from ordinary families who have grabbed their opportunity with both hands.  It is their dharma and they understand it.  For the kind of money they make, they do not even need to be this good!  So, let's appreciate a bunch of fiercely competitive kids who are enjoying doing this for their own joy!  Let's celebrate them for the brash rascals they should be but somehow hold themselves back from being that.  Perhaps being brash is just a waste of energy and their coach has told them to harness that as well?

We should remember they play for the BCCI, not the nation of India.  The BCCI is a club registered in Tamilnadu.  Its affairs are private, and so are its moneys.  It is VERY fortunate for them that this patriotic nonsense pushes up ticket sales and the cost of TV rights, so each time one of you idiots runs with a flag, you're helping them make a buck or two!  They are a fantastic club, in that they take care of their fraternity very well.  But that has nothing to do with the nation of India!

For sure, this team represents India, but unlike our skeet shooters and track athletes, this bunch is tightly controlled by the BCCI.  Imagine having to take permission from the BCCI to put that little Indian flag on the helmet!  There you go, just in case you didn't know where!

It is one thing to take inspiration from a great performance, but to allow one performance to overshadow all our other failings and achievements is to say the least, dangerous.  The whole nation does not come to a standstill when Saina Nehwal is playing an important game, or when Mahesh Bhupati and Leander Paes have quietly climbed back to the #1 spot in the world, the latter actually happening today.  The whole nation does not mourn when we find that we have been cheated to the tune of 176,000 crore rupees by a minister and his cohorts.  The whole nation does not hold candle light vigils for showing up at #146 on the Human Development Index released by the UN.  It is a much sadder matter than a lot of other events that evoke reactions from our media soaked people.

We have so many examples of individual brilliance, but each of them is despite the nation being what it is, not because of it.  If anything, there are millions who will actually achieve great things if this nation stays the fuck out of the way.  The more we buy into this patriotic bullshit, the more we are supporting a dysfunctional, mediocre, backward system that encourages being mediocre and begging for freebies in exchange for votes.  Surely, our cricketers are not playing for this mass of lethargic lard.

What's all the yelling all about anyway?  The rest of India has so much unused energy, because we are not worn down to exhaustion with anything we do.  We don't need to do much to fill our stomachs, that's the truth.  We don't need to be excellent at anything to make a very good living in India.  We can even fake certificates and become pilots.  We can bribe and move anything in our favour.  We can take cover under the umbrella of slow justice even after committing murder.  We can get away with A LOT in this very tolerant junkyard called India.

Let's not stop our cricket team from getting far away from this nonsense, though!  They have already bolted far ahead!  Let them go!  Let's not weigh them down with "India!".

- BSK

Happy Independence Day!

Today for some reason, Mr. Manmohan Singh, our Prime Minister, sent a “firm” message to Kashmiri youth to give up violence and come to talk.  Fat chance, since the security forces there are not talking, they're shooting, and people are dying. 

In any case, why this message on this day, which is supposed to celebrate our Independence from foreign rule?  What independence?  Independence from poverty, illiteracy, dogma, religious perversion, dirty party politics, corruption, human trafficking, disease, a highly inequitable difference between rich and poor, are all yet to come!  Ostensibly, we had much less of any of this under British rule, so exactly what have we bought ourselves into?

For some reason, we have offered $5million in assistance to flood ravaged Pakistan, that despicable terrorist breeding, oppressive piece of crap of a neighbour we have.  Why in heavens name do we have to make this stupid offer, knowing fully well that most of the money the US gave them for fighting terror have been used to fund terrorist activities against India, and to strengthen military deterrence against us?  What kind of dickheads and numbskulls infest the corridors of government power in New Delhi?  Are we lunatics?  I'd say, let Pakistani leaders who pilfered all the “aid” the USA gave them, in hundreds of millions of dollars to fight terror, now find the $5million to help their own people.  Why do we have such a hard time being realistic about our enemies, while not hesitating to celebrate Chanakya? 

And now, Pakistan is supposedly “toying” with the idea of accepting our aid only if routed through the UN.  So, it takes one more bank account on the way to these egoistic weasels?  Well how about our diplomats telling them to get UN approval for their next terrorist strike against us as well?  Let's see if we can put that diplomatically - “Our position is that since Pakistan has sought third party involvement in the capacity of an escrow before accepting the friendly offer of monetary aid to flood victims, we would suggest the same third party be utilized for managing Pakistan's next terrorist adventurism against the Indian State.  Hitherto, our offer of aid stands cancelled”.  In other words, “Fuck You Beggars”.  Wouldn't we feel great as Indians just to show some honesty in situations like this?

Now, that begs the question – How come no head of state of ANY country ever gets washed away in flash floods, struck by lightning, crushed in an earthquake, or dies in any natural disaster?  It really can't be nature's design to spare presidents and prime ministers.  This means, perhaps that it IS possible to take care of ourselves in case of such disasters, but for some reason, we make sure the knowledge or the resources that are in place, keep only the wealthy and the powerful safe!  Seriously, would it not be hilarious to read - “US Senator and family killed in landslide that claims 250 lives”?  Chances are, any career politician probably never lives close in any sense, to that many people!  So, we have our Independence Day and another fucked up year draws to a close.  So what's new?

Almost as if by divine design, we have a fiasco over the Commonwealth Games!!  The Commonwealth!!! HAHAHAAAA!!!  What a cunning term for legal thievery!  Notice how the poorer countries in this club never get any benefits but her majesty the queen of england could steal from all over the world?  Why the heck were we even angry that she could not attend these games in New Delhi?  We're spending thousands of crores on this nonsense and I don't give a fuck about using capitals for these bitches either.  Who cares about the hag?  Now, that hag is angry that the british royalty is being dragged into matters of corruption because of some silly car rental company being investigated for fraud and the royal bums hired this company for carrying some baton for some insane sum of money!  Isn't this the bitch that is sitting on the Kohinoor diamond?  Well, how about making her a deal - “You return the Kohinoor, we'll call off this investigation of corruption in the CW games, how about that?”

The other white bitch in Washington, who once flippantly said Mahatma Gandhi worked at a gas station in St. Louis, now says “India and Pakistan have altered the world's nuclear balance!”.  Shit, how much balance could have been there during the cold war between two countries that have 10,000+ nuclear warheads in their arsenal, that the few tens that India and Pakistan could have today can disturb?  We need to protect 16% of the world's population, and if this shrill whore were to be reminded by our diplomats that if she has 5000 warheads to protect 4% of the world's population, we are entitled to 20,000 warheads, she would shut the fuck up.  Her name is Hilary Clinton, and it is time we stopped imagining she is some friend of India's.  She is  friend of whoever makes her look intelligent, and that sure is never going to be me.

Another rowdy US politician said something today that should have got a tongue lashing from our diplomats. http://www.thelinkpaper.ca/?p=2114 . He called Infosys a “chop shop”, which means, a shop that sells stolen goods, usually referred to a shop that breaks down stolen cars and sells the parts.  No matter what Infosys sells, his ass doesn't have to buy in his “free” market, does he?  So, why is he even talking about chop shops in the first place?  Pretty amazing comment though, about a company that has offices and provides 12,000 jobs in the USA alone!  So, are we proud enough to tell this ignorant prick Charles Schumer that we are happy to move our chop shop to Canada?  I bet not.  Because we have a crap load of our cyber coolies in bonded labour for white bosses.  How can we ever let go of that?

Now, none of the above will anger the average Indian very much.  Because we are too delicate for any confrontation.  We love to be slaves as long as slaves have the “Freedom” to buy into corporate peddled shit, as long as we are told that we are “free people in a free country”.  We don't mind our poor people being sold as sex slaves, we don't mind our farmers committing suicide, and we don't give a shit about anything that goes on in this country or elsewhere in the name of this farce called Independence and Freedom.

Listen up, Indians.  We are not free until the day you can pick up the phone and call in an injustice and somebody's head rolls by the end of the day.  We're not free until the day when we can tell idiots in other countries to shut up and mind their own fucking business when it really is our business.  We aren't free until the day our laws are sacred, our work is excellent, and we are all healthy and happy.  We're not free until we are rid of every kind of oppression.  We aren't free until the day we can do something that, even without a flag painted on it, looks distinctly Indian, and is distinctly beautiful.

We aren't independent from anything, until we are independent from our own apathy.  We are a great country, but after 63 years of trying, we still don't have a great nation.  It's time to question this bullshit situation.  Enough already.  Happy Independence Day!  Jai Hind.

BSK.

The empire of the Indian Rupee!

Wow!

India has finally joined the "elite", "exclusive" club of currencies that have their own symbols.  Surely, our lives will change infinitely for the better now.

Let's see how.  We can now freely take Indian Rupees to all the countries of the world, like NEPAL! BHUTAN! ... and... and... and... @#$(*^&!

Well we've atleast got a new symbol that stands for our independence, our separation from other rupees like those of our neighbours, so that people will not get confused, and this is an "exclusive" club, isn't it?  Yes, indeed!  Surely, anybody would get very confused without a symbol if they were to wonder if they are in Pakistan, Nepal, Sri Lanka or Indonesia after getting out of an airport and exchanging their money for local money.  In fact, it might be hard for some people notice in which of these great countries they just landed, so this symbol, (which will NOT be printed on any currency notes!) will indeed help absolve us of any guilt of confusion.

Now that we have this major problem averted, let's see what we can buy with the new Indian Rupee (without the symbol or with it), which will no doubt continue to be hugely accepted in Nepal and Bhutan.  Um! those rocks on the bank of the Kali Ghantaki were pretty attractive, I must say.  And Bhutan does sell some handicrafts, yak cheese and jewellery.  Pretty neat huh?

Let's not worry about oil, arms and ammunitions, ships, planes, nuclear fuel, computer chips, medical equipment, or foodgrains which we now seem to have developed a chronic shortage for.  For all of this, we might still need those pesky dollars, which we have 279 billion of.  And none of them, shame on them, have the $ symbol either!  But, according to Information and Broadcasting Minister Ambika Soni: "It's a big statement on the Indian currency. The symbol would lend a distinctive character and identity to the currency and further highlight the strength and global face of the Indian economy."  The global face that can grin while lapping up all the handicrafts, yak cheese and jewellery and rocks from the banks of the Kali Ghantaki.

Further - It would be included in the 'Unicode Standard' and major scripts of the world so as to ensure that it is easily displayed and printed in the electronic and print media, apparently.  Now, it would be impossible for the world's media to print "Indian Rupees" wouldn't it?  So, we give them this new symbol.  To proudly add a key on their keyboards, through a mysteriously long cumbersome sequence of keystrokes a little harder than those that result in the symbols for the Euro, the Yen, or the Zambian Kwacha.  Phew!  Thank God we recognize how important this is going to be.

But what are we going to do about "Crore"s and "Lakh"s?  The rest of the world has no idea what these words mean, and nor do I always catch some North Indian saying "Karod" either!  Are we going to switch to millions and billions?  Or are we going to request others start using karods and laakh?  How about convincing the Americans go switch to Ek, do, teen, too?  That might make our lives easier too!

In a world that doesn't care for the Indian Rupee, even our Indian Premier League, our shiny showcase of international sports power, uses American dollars to evaluate the worth of their franchises and players.  Fact is, we don't make anything the world would want to pay in rupees for.  Heck, we wouldn't want them to pay in rupees for anything, because we don't want anybody else's rupees either!  We want their Dollars, Euros, Pounds, and anything else that can be freely converted to Dollars, Euros or Pounds.

So, why is Delhi embarking upon this phallic ritual?  Because we recognize that in order to feel good about being "Indian" we can hit only symbolic milestones, come up with icons and gestures in the absence of true global leverage for any of our resources.  NOBODY travelling to India from anywhere other than Nepal and Bhutan can actually get Indian Rupees to bring to India.  Nobody has any and nobody wants to have any.  Because we are absolutely loving it, exactly the way the McPoliticians in Delhi have designed this system donkey's years ago.  We don't have the confidence to make our currency fully convertible.  And we dare not come up with any adventurism there.  Heck, we have even come up with this symbol, approved by Union Cabinet on Thursday "to distinguish the currency of our over $ 1-trillion economy" -  not the 45 trillion rupee economy!  (How the fuck we have a trillion "dollar" economy when we have only 279 billion dollars in reserve beats me!)

But, according to these dummies who have come up with the need for this - it is good enough!  We're getting our bloody symbol!

BSK.

Why are our MIGs crashing?

It's been a while since we were rocked by the Bofors scandal, involving Rajiv Gandhi. Eventually nothing came out of it, and the Bofors guns more than proved their worth in the Kargil conflict, silencing many critics.

However, it would be naive to believe even for a moment, that the Ministry of Defence is in charge of a very corrupt, very damaging, and incredibly expensive machine called the Indian Military. Ask any industry that supplies anything to the Indian Armed Forces and they will tell you how corrupt their dealings invariably are.

From little individual contractors who build websites, to those who manufacture mission critical components, everybody has a tale or two about paying kickbacks, and who ever questions the outflow of the Indian military?

It was distressing enough for me to see an Army officer siphon petrol from his official green Ambassador and fill up his Maruti van, and it doesn't help knowing it is pretty routine for military officers to be "entertained" by private manufacturing firms chasing their decisions for lucrative contracts. It doesn't help knowing first hand that some very good looking Russian women are patriotic enough to show up to canvass for Russian contracts.

"A total number of 22 MIG Aircraft of the Indian Air Force has crashed from April 01, 2006 till date. There were three casualties in these crashes," Defence Minister Mr. A.K. Antony said today. (http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20090708/808/tnl-air-force-to-have-230-sukhoi-30-mki.html)

It has been a while since Indian manufacturers have filled in for Russian spares for the MIGs. It won't be long before the Sukhois go this route, all in the name of reducing foreign exchange burden. How many Sukhois have to crash and burn, and how many Indians will have to die before we get to the bottom of the problem?

As a nation, we should be ashamed that the bulletproof vests handed out to Mumbai policemen were found not to be bulletproof when the bullets fired by Pakistani terrorists actually hit them. Apparently, the police have even lost that file, indeed with the same impunity that comes with a mass acceptance of corruption and a morass of moral ineptitude that have come to define who we are as Indians.

We set such low standards that we don't really care that a MIG that should be thundering at forty five thousand feet has hit the ground, in all probability due to a technical snag, caused by nothing short of a corrupt supplier. The investigations will drag to a point where it can never be conclusively proved in a court of law that this is the case. With 22 MIGs crashing in three years, we really should be paying this a lot of attention.

But, we won't. We're probably uncaring enough in our apathy to worry about that one sincere pilot whose dream it was to fly a fighter plane in his country's uniform. We're not going to do anything about that policeman who gave his life in vain, for he took a chance upon his trust in his country to have given him a genuinely bulletproof vest.

That is the part that hurts, our inability to trust anything Indian. We fail all too easily. We are spineless and we are dirty in our collective Karma. That is what is depressing about living in this goddamn country. Everything is corruptible. Everything is suspect. Everything is defective. Most of all, we punish those amongst us who care to be uncompromising, and we beat them into submission.

What could possibly go wrong if we changed?