This bumbling idiot Harsha Bhogle has been at it for some time now - throwing out tentative ideas and hoping some hooks will find biters. Given the number of idiots in India, it is not surprising this fool even has a fan base! But enough is enough, because....
He now suggests (the best of) corporate India should help India's cricketers. Since when did corporate India get this claim on excellence? The Indian cricket team is the #1 ranked cricket team in the world in Tests and is nearly there in ODIs. Where is corporate India? Isn't this a bit like a pujari advising Gautama Buddha? And Kumble apparently wants to help young cricketers! What the heck for?
http://www.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/473310.html
Corporate India is about hiding incompetence behind a facade of professionalism. It is about rank incompetence in numbers pretending like it can do a job. Show me ONE achievement of corporate India that is unique, pathbreaking, an example for the world to follow, and has changed the lives of many people positively. I can tell you without flinching that Kapil Dev single handedly inspired millions, changed our outlook towards life, and gave us something no corporate motherfucking world conquering gameplaying suitwearing cocksucking high flying asshole has ever given - hope in ourselves. Kapil did that, without ever resorting to anything boring.
Without the cursing, here is why Harsha should not have this job of writing trash and getting paid. Here is the clearest difference between what corporate ethos is about and the ethos of a sportsperson. Corporations are all about the collective. Sports is about the individual, yes, even in team games. You can hide a lousy employee, but you cannot hide a lousy sportsperson. Mediocrity can pass in an office, on the field it will be mercilessly exposed. You can hang on to a company for life just by not becoming offensive. Most sports teams get rid of players very quickly without performances. The yardstick for a sportsperson is being the best in the world. The yardstick for a company is its bottomline - it doesn't have to be better than anyone in order to survive. (Come on! No matter what you argue against this, does it really take a Tata to make salt?). There is no glare on one failure in the corporate world. In fact, there is no glare on many collective failures either. On the sportsperson, the glare is intense, and merciless. It is not surprising how Harsha and his wife have talked about how corporations can learn from sports. That's the way it should be. Now, for some monkey's finger in the ass reason, Harsha thinks our corporations can teach cricket. No, Harsha. Corporations can own cricket but they cannot really do much about producing better cricketers, even at the human level.
First of all, why do we want our cricketers to be good human beings? Is that something we care about if he can crunch a batsman's toe, or whack the ball out of the stadium? The most primal thing about sport is that it is essentially physical. Do we have a problem with this? Then we should not watch sports or take any interest in it. But we do, and not only do we do, there are fools like Harsha who think sportsmen should lead their lives a certain "ideal" way. Nice guys are not who we want in sports. We want winners. Once in a while, there will be an MS Dhoni, a pretty nice guy who stays cool, talks well, and is above board as far as ethics go. But we won't love him for any of that if he can't whack the crap out of a cricket ball and lead his Team India to giddy achievements.
Why is it that we cannot celebrate pure brilliance and always have to reduce the mercurial to the accessible mediocrity of a "regular" person. The "regular" or "good" people are not interesting. Celebrities are supposed to be interesting people. Let them have their characteristics. What is so hard to understand about this?
For one, we should dread Anil Kumble having anything to do with Indian cricket or young cricketers. It is all good that he was a hard working cricketer, a fierce competitor, took his moustache off, and is now leading the RCB in the IPL. Ah! The last part should really rattle us. And this is where I beg to differ from Harsha's enthusiastic endorsement of Kumble wanting to work with India's youngsters in grooming them and helping them prepare for life as youngsters. Preparing for life as humdrum, grimacing also rans? No thanks! What worked for Kumble will not work for others who don't come from where he does.
Moreover, and more importantly, Kumble is not Kapil Dev. He does not inspire. His statistics are awesome, but the very fact that he is a disciplined, focused and beady eyed competitor also means that he is like many school teachers with several degrees and the intent to make you look up to them. Truth is, this is EXACTLY the kind of monster most of our young cricketers will be glad to not be under. That is why they are playing cricket, not pursuing studies!
In the last edition of the IPL, Kumble was playing with rich kids. Kids who could become millionaires with one big innings, one inspired spell of bowling lasting no more than 4 overs, and kids who could become heroes or zeroes before the game ended, only to come back to life and the limelight shortly after in the very next game. Kumble was the old school leader. But was he graceful? Only if you left the letters d, i, and s out at the start. He removed the one thing that RCB had in shortage to start with - enthusiasm. Under Kumble, the team did better than it did under Pietersen, but that is not saying much.
Kumble was angry, yelling around, not able to handle pressure, rude to the youngsters on the field, and finally, when the tense moments came, came up short. On one occasion, it was the last over, and Kumble was batting with the tail, with a few tight runs to get. He took a single and went to the non strikers end. Then, he saw the kid at the other end play and miss a couple, went over to advice him, and guess what? He was bowled the very next ball! Seriously, what is there to tell a tailender when 4 is needed off 1 ball? This isn't bad captaincy, or strategy - it is the symptom of a control freak, who has set ways of doing things, and thinks he can will it out of his wards. The schoolmaster at his worst!
This is not the moron we want grooming our youngsters to handle their professional, personal or business affairs. Most certainly not their "lives". What is that going to be - a paid father job? A job that will take all the fun out of being out in the open, bowling, batting or fielding? That is all cricket is, isn't it? Isn't it the team that does these three things that wins? So, what exactly does Kumble have to do, since he can't teach others to bowl like him, doesn't know how to bat, and is a lousy fielder?
Harsha thinks our youngsters need to be taught how to handle success! Sure, but not by sore losers. Kumble not once happily acknowledged how good another team was when his team was beaten. Being sore and serious, and looking constantly agitated, constipated, disgruntled and aggravated is hardly the way to handle life and this is hardly the moron who should be helping our youngsters become anything like this.
So what if our youngsters don't take life so seriously? They are much more fun than this schoolmaster prick! Fun is what cricket is. It is just a game, for fuck's sake! Who are these idiots who are busy suggesting that fun be taken out of life? We need all the entertainment we get out of something like the IPL, and that is why we pay, and that is why it is rich. I don't grudge any of our kids striking it rich in one season and vanishing the next. His purpose, his dharma, was to burn bright for that one season? So be it! I don't want to see everyone becoming the dull lamp that glows for a hundred years!
Chennai doesn't have any of this scholastic disciplinarian, or corporate management shit. But they are a happy team that rose from 7th place and won the IPL. They are the MOST consistent team in the IPL. Dhoni keeps it simple and kids respond. End of story. The results are there to show. Dhoni is the man and the men in yellow are the happiest team. They even won the Fairplay Award, so they're not stressing out either. Harsha and Kumble, learn from MSD and keep your fucking traps shut.
BSK
22 August 2010
15 August 2010
Happy Independence Day!
Today for some reason, Mr. Manmohan Singh, our Prime Minister, sent a “firm” message to Kashmiri youth to give up violence and come to talk. Fat chance, since the security forces there are not talking, they're shooting, and people are dying.
In any case, why this message on this day, which is supposed to celebrate our Independence from foreign rule? What independence? Independence from poverty, illiteracy, dogma, religious perversion, dirty party politics, corruption, human trafficking, disease, a highly inequitable difference between rich and poor, are all yet to come! Ostensibly, we had much less of any of this under British rule, so exactly what have we bought ourselves into?
For some reason, we have offered $5million in assistance to flood ravaged Pakistan, that despicable terrorist breeding, oppressive piece of crap of a neighbour we have. Why in heavens name do we have to make this stupid offer, knowing fully well that most of the money the US gave them for fighting terror have been used to fund terrorist activities against India, and to strengthen military deterrence against us? What kind of dickheads and numbskulls infest the corridors of government power in New Delhi? Are we lunatics? I'd say, let Pakistani leaders who pilfered all the “aid” the USA gave them, in hundreds of millions of dollars to fight terror, now find the $5million to help their own people. Why do we have such a hard time being realistic about our enemies, while not hesitating to celebrate Chanakya?
And now, Pakistan is supposedly “toying” with the idea of accepting our aid only if routed through the UN. So, it takes one more bank account on the way to these egoistic weasels? Well how about our diplomats telling them to get UN approval for their next terrorist strike against us as well? Let's see if we can put that diplomatically - “Our position is that since Pakistan has sought third party involvement in the capacity of an escrow before accepting the friendly offer of monetary aid to flood victims, we would suggest the same third party be utilized for managing Pakistan's next terrorist adventurism against the Indian State. Hitherto, our offer of aid stands cancelled”. In other words, “Fuck You Beggars”. Wouldn't we feel great as Indians just to show some honesty in situations like this?
Now, that begs the question – How come no head of state of ANY country ever gets washed away in flash floods, struck by lightning, crushed in an earthquake, or dies in any natural disaster? It really can't be nature's design to spare presidents and prime ministers. This means, perhaps that it IS possible to take care of ourselves in case of such disasters, but for some reason, we make sure the knowledge or the resources that are in place, keep only the wealthy and the powerful safe! Seriously, would it not be hilarious to read - “US Senator and family killed in landslide that claims 250 lives”? Chances are, any career politician probably never lives close in any sense, to that many people! So, we have our Independence Day and another fucked up year draws to a close. So what's new?
Almost as if by divine design, we have a fiasco over the Commonwealth Games!! The Commonwealth!!! HAHAHAAAA!!! What a cunning term for legal thievery! Notice how the poorer countries in this club never get any benefits but her majesty the queen of england could steal from all over the world? Why the heck were we even angry that she could not attend these games in New Delhi? We're spending thousands of crores on this nonsense and I don't give a fuck about using capitals for these bitches either. Who cares about the hag? Now, that hag is angry that the british royalty is being dragged into matters of corruption because of some silly car rental company being investigated for fraud and the royal bums hired this company for carrying some baton for some insane sum of money! Isn't this the bitch that is sitting on the Kohinoor diamond? Well, how about making her a deal - “You return the Kohinoor, we'll call off this investigation of corruption in the CW games, how about that?”
The other white bitch in Washington, who once flippantly said Mahatma Gandhi worked at a gas station in St. Louis, now says “India and Pakistan have altered the world's nuclear balance!”. Shit, how much balance could have been there during the cold war between two countries that have 10,000+ nuclear warheads in their arsenal, that the few tens that India and Pakistan could have today can disturb? We need to protect 16% of the world's population, and if this shrill whore were to be reminded by our diplomats that if she has 5000 warheads to protect 4% of the world's population, we are entitled to 20,000 warheads, she would shut the fuck up. Her name is Hilary Clinton, and it is time we stopped imagining she is some friend of India's. She is friend of whoever makes her look intelligent, and that sure is never going to be me.
Another rowdy US politician said something today that should have got a tongue lashing from our diplomats. http://www.thelinkpaper.ca/?p=2114 . He called Infosys a “chop shop”, which means, a shop that sells stolen goods, usually referred to a shop that breaks down stolen cars and sells the parts. No matter what Infosys sells, his ass doesn't have to buy in his “free” market, does he? So, why is he even talking about chop shops in the first place? Pretty amazing comment though, about a company that has offices and provides 12,000 jobs in the USA alone! So, are we proud enough to tell this ignorant prick Charles Schumer that we are happy to move our chop shop to Canada? I bet not. Because we have a crap load of our cyber coolies in bonded labour for white bosses. How can we ever let go of that?
Now, none of the above will anger the average Indian very much. Because we are too delicate for any confrontation. We love to be slaves as long as slaves have the “Freedom” to buy into corporate peddled shit, as long as we are told that we are “free people in a free country”. We don't mind our poor people being sold as sex slaves, we don't mind our farmers committing suicide, and we don't give a shit about anything that goes on in this country or elsewhere in the name of this farce called Independence and Freedom.
Listen up, Indians. We are not free until the day you can pick up the phone and call in an injustice and somebody's head rolls by the end of the day. We're not free until the day when we can tell idiots in other countries to shut up and mind their own fucking business when it really is our business. We aren't free until the day our laws are sacred, our work is excellent, and we are all healthy and happy. We're not free until we are rid of every kind of oppression. We aren't free until the day we can do something that, even without a flag painted on it, looks distinctly Indian, and is distinctly beautiful.
We aren't independent from anything, until we are independent from our own apathy. We are a great country, but after 63 years of trying, we still don't have a great nation. It's time to question this bullshit situation. Enough already. Happy Independence Day! Jai Hind.
BSK.
In any case, why this message on this day, which is supposed to celebrate our Independence from foreign rule? What independence? Independence from poverty, illiteracy, dogma, religious perversion, dirty party politics, corruption, human trafficking, disease, a highly inequitable difference between rich and poor, are all yet to come! Ostensibly, we had much less of any of this under British rule, so exactly what have we bought ourselves into?
For some reason, we have offered $5million in assistance to flood ravaged Pakistan, that despicable terrorist breeding, oppressive piece of crap of a neighbour we have. Why in heavens name do we have to make this stupid offer, knowing fully well that most of the money the US gave them for fighting terror have been used to fund terrorist activities against India, and to strengthen military deterrence against us? What kind of dickheads and numbskulls infest the corridors of government power in New Delhi? Are we lunatics? I'd say, let Pakistani leaders who pilfered all the “aid” the USA gave them, in hundreds of millions of dollars to fight terror, now find the $5million to help their own people. Why do we have such a hard time being realistic about our enemies, while not hesitating to celebrate Chanakya?
And now, Pakistan is supposedly “toying” with the idea of accepting our aid only if routed through the UN. So, it takes one more bank account on the way to these egoistic weasels? Well how about our diplomats telling them to get UN approval for their next terrorist strike against us as well? Let's see if we can put that diplomatically - “Our position is that since Pakistan has sought third party involvement in the capacity of an escrow before accepting the friendly offer of monetary aid to flood victims, we would suggest the same third party be utilized for managing Pakistan's next terrorist adventurism against the Indian State. Hitherto, our offer of aid stands cancelled”. In other words, “Fuck You Beggars”. Wouldn't we feel great as Indians just to show some honesty in situations like this?
Now, that begs the question – How come no head of state of ANY country ever gets washed away in flash floods, struck by lightning, crushed in an earthquake, or dies in any natural disaster? It really can't be nature's design to spare presidents and prime ministers. This means, perhaps that it IS possible to take care of ourselves in case of such disasters, but for some reason, we make sure the knowledge or the resources that are in place, keep only the wealthy and the powerful safe! Seriously, would it not be hilarious to read - “US Senator and family killed in landslide that claims 250 lives”? Chances are, any career politician probably never lives close in any sense, to that many people! So, we have our Independence Day and another fucked up year draws to a close. So what's new?
Almost as if by divine design, we have a fiasco over the Commonwealth Games!! The Commonwealth!!! HAHAHAAAA!!! What a cunning term for legal thievery! Notice how the poorer countries in this club never get any benefits but her majesty the queen of england could steal from all over the world? Why the heck were we even angry that she could not attend these games in New Delhi? We're spending thousands of crores on this nonsense and I don't give a fuck about using capitals for these bitches either. Who cares about the hag? Now, that hag is angry that the british royalty is being dragged into matters of corruption because of some silly car rental company being investigated for fraud and the royal bums hired this company for carrying some baton for some insane sum of money! Isn't this the bitch that is sitting on the Kohinoor diamond? Well, how about making her a deal - “You return the Kohinoor, we'll call off this investigation of corruption in the CW games, how about that?”
The other white bitch in Washington, who once flippantly said Mahatma Gandhi worked at a gas station in St. Louis, now says “India and Pakistan have altered the world's nuclear balance!”. Shit, how much balance could have been there during the cold war between two countries that have 10,000+ nuclear warheads in their arsenal, that the few tens that India and Pakistan could have today can disturb? We need to protect 16% of the world's population, and if this shrill whore were to be reminded by our diplomats that if she has 5000 warheads to protect 4% of the world's population, we are entitled to 20,000 warheads, she would shut the fuck up. Her name is Hilary Clinton, and it is time we stopped imagining she is some friend of India's. She is friend of whoever makes her look intelligent, and that sure is never going to be me.
Another rowdy US politician said something today that should have got a tongue lashing from our diplomats. http://www.thelinkpaper.ca/?p=2114 . He called Infosys a “chop shop”, which means, a shop that sells stolen goods, usually referred to a shop that breaks down stolen cars and sells the parts. No matter what Infosys sells, his ass doesn't have to buy in his “free” market, does he? So, why is he even talking about chop shops in the first place? Pretty amazing comment though, about a company that has offices and provides 12,000 jobs in the USA alone! So, are we proud enough to tell this ignorant prick Charles Schumer that we are happy to move our chop shop to Canada? I bet not. Because we have a crap load of our cyber coolies in bonded labour for white bosses. How can we ever let go of that?
Now, none of the above will anger the average Indian very much. Because we are too delicate for any confrontation. We love to be slaves as long as slaves have the “Freedom” to buy into corporate peddled shit, as long as we are told that we are “free people in a free country”. We don't mind our poor people being sold as sex slaves, we don't mind our farmers committing suicide, and we don't give a shit about anything that goes on in this country or elsewhere in the name of this farce called Independence and Freedom.
Listen up, Indians. We are not free until the day you can pick up the phone and call in an injustice and somebody's head rolls by the end of the day. We're not free until the day when we can tell idiots in other countries to shut up and mind their own fucking business when it really is our business. We aren't free until the day our laws are sacred, our work is excellent, and we are all healthy and happy. We're not free until we are rid of every kind of oppression. We aren't free until the day we can do something that, even without a flag painted on it, looks distinctly Indian, and is distinctly beautiful.
We aren't independent from anything, until we are independent from our own apathy. We are a great country, but after 63 years of trying, we still don't have a great nation. It's time to question this bullshit situation. Enough already. Happy Independence Day! Jai Hind.
BSK.
13 August 2010
The usual, rampant, shameless, immature, shrill, robotic bullshit.
SPOILER ALERT:
If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".
http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece
For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.
Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.
Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.
Here is my take on some of this crap.
1. Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual! Hello? Aren't all professionals supposed to do this? Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual. Does being on time lead to a good film? Of course not. But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason. "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"? A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual. So? Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest. In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.
2. Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt! ?? This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts. As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050". In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art? Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!? So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter? By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata? Remember arrows welding each other on TV? That was a long time ago, too! Some more bullshit.
3. Oh, please. Sivaji was not a stupendous success. As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit. The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more. If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money? More bullshit.
4. Shankar has handled diverse themes? Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective. And what exactly does "completely" original mean? Here's a holler and a hoot. Shankar says "I can't repeat myself. I need challenges" !!!! Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit. That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!
5. "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero". Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo? "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"?? So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills? Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product? Aishwarya Rai is eye candy. Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions. Let's leave it at that, shall we? We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute. "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.
6. "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets". If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we? “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work? Didn't he see what he made? Was it stunning? Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar? Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment. And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!
7. And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about? Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard. For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two! Or was it too? God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept. In fact, I can think of Robocop as well. If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme. Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood! Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music. Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.
And today is Friday the 13th. I swear to God, I ......
BSK.
If you read this (p)review, you are likely to avoid watching "Endhiran".
http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article566585.ece
For some reason, it is absolutely necessary to bullshit people about an upcoming movie, making it out to be a great freaking, original, stupendous, magnificent, groundbreaking marvel, instead of just telling people the gist of the plot and letting them be blown away by the experience of watching it.
Indian film makers have not yet learnt how to truly make stupendous cinema, no matter how much they have copied from Hollywood, but they sure know how to up the ante on the promotional bullshit that they puke all over us.
Endhiran is no exception, and this nonsense, coming from The Hindu, no less, needs to be torn apart part by part, and shredded for what it is - endless bullshit.
Here is my take on some of this crap.
1. Shankar, the director, is being lauded for being punctual, and he in turn praises Rajinikanth for being punctual! Hello? Aren't all professionals supposed to do this? Even the guy who irons my clothes is very punctual. Does being on time lead to a good film? Of course not. But it is worth putting on this "sincerety" shit for some reason. "Oh, we are all very punctual people, so please see this movie"? A lot of fools who make crappy movies are also punctual. So? Seriously, I don't mind if the director comes drunk if he can make an Avatar, to be honest. In fact, if I know he can make Avatar ONLY if he gets drunk, I'd get him any liquor he wants, and he can come at any time he wants.
2. Endhiran is the country's first sci-fi attempt! ?? This author Malathi Rangarajan, has to be either really lazy, or stupid to imagine we wouldn't check the facts. As recently as 2008, Harry Baweja made a film called "Love Story 2050". In any case, what is so great about being the first to do something in a country, in the world of art? Haven't we already trumpeted how "global" we are!? So, how come we want to go very "local" in this sneaky way while "global" has produced thousands of sci-fi matter? By the way, aren't there plenty of sci-fi elements in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata? Remember arrows welding each other on TV? That was a long time ago, too! Some more bullshit.
3. Oh, please. Sivaji was not a stupendous success. As a ratio of what it cost to make and release the film, the producer would be lucky to have made a marginal profit. The scale of the project was so enormous, it should have collected ten times more. If the producer hasn't made a single film since their last "stupendous" success for a couple of years, what are the chances of this happening because they are still counting the money? More bullshit.
4. Shankar has handled diverse themes? Look a little closer and for some reason, "Gentleman", "Indian", and "Anniyan" all seem to have the same theme - The Individual against the Collective. And what exactly does "completely" original mean? Here's a holler and a hoot. Shankar says "I can't repeat myself. I need challenges" !!!! Here's a challenge for you, Sir - please tell us a good story, and spare us the bullshit. That would definitely mean you are not repeating yourself!
5. "Aishwarya Rai is dedicated and hardworking as a hero". Should we automatically expect her to be a lazy bimbo? "It is superfluous to talk about her screen presence"?? So, would it be profound to talk about her rather limited acting skills? Why can't we have enough integrity to at the very least, leave out this kindergarten level of marketing lousy product? Aishwarya Rai is eye candy. Nobody would have known her as an actress if she hadn't won beauty competitions. Let's leave it at that, shall we? We should already be sick of Shah Rukh Khan selling fairness cream like a gay prostitute. "Ladkiyon wali cream, kabhi nahin!" Ugh.
6. "We have robotic labs and futuristic sets". If a film is called "Robot" in any language, we don't exactly expect palaces and lush verdant valleys, do we? “Endhiran will be a stunning visual experience … I hope,” says the director. What is it with people using adjectives on their own work? Didn't he see what he made? Was it stunning? Considering "stunning" is now a higher bar, set by Avatar? Truth is, this rascal knows it is not that good, but he still could not help bullshitting about it, and then cutting himself short with embarrassment. And the author was stupid enough to publish it like that!
7. And now, the shit that is really missing from this article - What is the story about? Endhiran is about a robot that gradually becomes a human being, I heard. For some reason, that was Terminator, and Terminator two! Or was it too? God, I can think of "Blade Runner" which had a similar concept. In fact, I can think of Robocop as well. If I put some effort, I can think of so many films on this theme. Wonder if Shankar's script leaked out to Hollywood! Thank God their Robots didn't dance to Rahman's music. Now, that must be Shankar's instinctive, "completely original" genius.
And today is Friday the 13th. I swear to God, I ......
BSK.
17 July 2010
The empire of the Indian Rupee!
Wow!
India has finally joined the "elite", "exclusive" club of currencies that have their own symbols. Surely, our lives will change infinitely for the better now.
Let's see how. We can now freely take Indian Rupees to all the countries of the world, like NEPAL! BHUTAN! ... and... and... and... @#$(*^&!
Well we've atleast got a new symbol that stands for our independence, our separation from other rupees like those of our neighbours, so that people will not get confused, and this is an "exclusive" club, isn't it? Yes, indeed! Surely, anybody would get very confused without a symbol if they were to wonder if they are in Pakistan, Nepal, Sri Lanka or Indonesia after getting out of an airport and exchanging their money for local money. In fact, it might be hard for some people notice in which of these great countries they just landed, so this symbol, (which will NOT be printed on any currency notes!) will indeed help absolve us of any guilt of confusion.
Now that we have this major problem averted, let's see what we can buy with the new Indian Rupee (without the symbol or with it), which will no doubt continue to be hugely accepted in Nepal and Bhutan. Um! those rocks on the bank of the Kali Ghantaki were pretty attractive, I must say. And Bhutan does sell some handicrafts, yak cheese and jewellery. Pretty neat huh?
Let's not worry about oil, arms and ammunitions, ships, planes, nuclear fuel, computer chips, medical equipment, or foodgrains which we now seem to have developed a chronic shortage for. For all of this, we might still need those pesky dollars, which we have 279 billion of. And none of them, shame on them, have the $ symbol either! But, according to Information and Broadcasting Minister Ambika Soni: "It's a big statement on the Indian currency. The symbol would lend a distinctive character and identity to the currency and further highlight the strength and global face of the Indian economy." The global face that can grin while lapping up all the handicrafts, yak cheese and jewellery and rocks from the banks of the Kali Ghantaki.
Further - It would be included in the 'Unicode Standard' and major scripts of the world so as to ensure that it is easily displayed and printed in the electronic and print media, apparently. Now, it would be impossible for the world's media to print "Indian Rupees" wouldn't it? So, we give them this new symbol. To proudly add a key on their keyboards, through a mysteriously long cumbersome sequence of keystrokes a little harder than those that result in the symbols for the Euro, the Yen, or the Zambian Kwacha. Phew! Thank God we recognize how important this is going to be.
But what are we going to do about "Crore"s and "Lakh"s? The rest of the world has no idea what these words mean, and nor do I always catch some North Indian saying "Karod" either! Are we going to switch to millions and billions? Or are we going to request others start using karods and laakh? How about convincing the Americans go switch to Ek, do, teen, too? That might make our lives easier too!
In a world that doesn't care for the Indian Rupee, even our Indian Premier League, our shiny showcase of international sports power, uses American dollars to evaluate the worth of their franchises and players. Fact is, we don't make anything the world would want to pay in rupees for. Heck, we wouldn't want them to pay in rupees for anything, because we don't want anybody else's rupees either! We want their Dollars, Euros, Pounds, and anything else that can be freely converted to Dollars, Euros or Pounds.
So, why is Delhi embarking upon this phallic ritual? Because we recognize that in order to feel good about being "Indian" we can hit only symbolic milestones, come up with icons and gestures in the absence of true global leverage for any of our resources. NOBODY travelling to India from anywhere other than Nepal and Bhutan can actually get Indian Rupees to bring to India. Nobody has any and nobody wants to have any. Because we are absolutely loving it, exactly the way the McPoliticians in Delhi have designed this system donkey's years ago. We don't have the confidence to make our currency fully convertible. And we dare not come up with any adventurism there. Heck, we have even come up with this symbol, approved by Union Cabinet on Thursday "to distinguish the currency of our over $ 1-trillion economy" - not the 45 trillion rupee economy! (How the fuck we have a trillion "dollar" economy when we have only 279 billion dollars in reserve beats me!)
But, according to these dummies who have come up with the need for this - it is good enough! We're getting our bloody symbol!
BSK.
15 July 2010
The Next Gen Indian Brain!
Who else but an Indian company can do this, and who else but Indians would be proud of something as dreadful as this?
My brain is....
My brain is.....
Hidden by my tummy! Okay....
Of course...
Please. Does it really take so many of our retards to put this industry together? How about taking an incredible device like the human brain and downgrading it to the level of a dumb chip? Seriously, how insulting on years of amazing evolution, that we should be proud of finally achieving the greatness of a microchip? Isn't the human brain behind the making of these chips anyway?
If I remember right, this company is also the one that puts out ads. like, "Oh, see that cow? It gives milk because its teats were designed by our engineers!" "See that kid walk like a frog? Our computers designed the sponge of his shoes!", yap all over the world about how great India and Indians are, but aren't proud enough to proclaim themselves as a "Rupees" 22,000 crore company. It is always a "$" 5 billion company. Talk about pride!!!
BSK.
21 May 2010
Blaming Dhoni are we?
It is one thing to have expectations, and it is very human to be disappointed.
But it takes a very mean person to unload blame on an individual when a team's performance is involved. It takes a very stupid person to do that when the team is playing a sport, in a tournament in which 11 teams won't win. Clearly, we Indians are in no short supply for mean or stupid people, when 48%, according to a poll on Cricinfo, think Dhoni's errors cost us the World T20, in response to Dhoni's measured reference to IPL after match parties taking a toll on players and resulting fatigue.
Less than two weeks ago, the same MS Dhoni was at the top of his tactical game, when he won the IPL for Chennai Super Kings. It would take some imagination to think he would have drained his acumen on the flight to the Caribbean. Ravi Shastri called India's performance "pathetic", and Madan Lal has accused Dhoni of making "lame excuses". In his young career, MS Dhoni has won more for India than these two clowns could ever dream of. And he's still playing, and playing great, dominant, world beating cricket. Let's not forget it wasn't until Dhoni took over as captain that India reached the #1 spot in Tests and we're almost there in ODIs. I bet some of these bastards will scramble to say Dhoni has the best team India has ever produced! Bless the team when we win and blame the captain when we lose? Some consistency this!
To be capable of scathing criticism, one must be a top performer. Ravi Shastri and Madan Lal were never top performers. Madan Lal used to bowl a little quicker than Anil Kumble, and field like a rabbit with three paws missing. The only reason he didn't look as "pathetic" as he was, was because a certain stalwart by the name of Kapil Dev would be bowling beautifully from the other end. Ravi Shastri was a hopeless grafter who managed to gather fifties and win an Audi in the World Series Cup only because Srikkanth was blazing away at the other end. For these bloodsucking leeches to come out of the woodwork and opportunistically attack MS Dhoni is a new low, but it is very Indian.
South Africa, perhaps the most "professional" outfit in the world, also exited the World T20, in the same stage as India. No fuss. So did the West Indies, and New Zealand, who have hammered India on a few occasions in this format. No fuss. India lose, the country wants to burn Dhoni and his team. The callous way in which our news media makes this look like the team needs some sort of punishment for losing should tell us a lot about our national character. Nobody, including the Padma Shri decorated journalists have an ounce of character that MS Dhoni has. It is time to show him some respect. Win some, lose some, even the mighty Aussies were humbled on a day that belonged to England.
If Dhoni has enough gravity to not blame any individual players, if he has the guts to back young Ravindra Jadeja, and if he stands by his decisions, he can just as easily point to the not too distant past of his captaincy and remind us of the first World T20, beating Australia in Australia, beating South Africa, the West Indies, and the quiet ascendancy to the top of the world rankings and tell everyone to shut up. But he has cautiously and politely got us to examine the excesses of the IPL, that have left players with insufficient rest, and given a gentlemanly wake up call to those running on the assumption that carrying no injury equals fitness and those ignorant of the truth that fitness in competitive sport is having enough in the tank to pull out something extra when needed.
None of our players had anything extra when needed, except the kilos of weight Yuvraj has put on. Dhoni still kept faith in him, for one simple reason - he is a proven match winner. He is the 6-sixer hitter, remember? Our players did their best under the circumstances. Let's not forget that for a moment. The circumstances were however, inclusive of an obligation to party through the night, thanks to that asshole Lalit Modi selling the video rights for those parties for a whopping fifty million dollars! Can he be blamed for this debacle? No! Because he is there precisely to be the super commercial minded asshole missionary that can make the IPL richer! No trouble understanding that, have we?
Now, let's look at this rubbish notion that players are keener on playing in the IPL than for the country? Didn't we all take pride that India's IPL is the richest league in the world? Didn't we all glow in glee with the meteoric rise of the IPL? How un-Indian is the IPL? It is also a part of our cricketing folklore isn't it? How many of us know that the BCCI is a Trust that doesn't pay taxes? That is who our players are playing for, not India, get it? If the trust pays less than an IPL franchise, what's wrong in playing better for the franchise? It is clearly the sensible thing to do, is it not? Even though it may be too much for our pea brains to wrap around, facts are facts.
We want our players to be professionals, so that they get better at what they do. Being professional is about making rational choices, not emotionally clouded ones. Our cricket team is the best 15 we have in this country. We cannot "infuse it with new blood" as Ravi Shastri suggests, since the second tier in quality has some catching up to do. This lot is not old, and is a supremely fit unit, given enough rest. There is enough and more firepower and quality to take us to many more highs. It would be absurd to imagine this lot would suddenly become as mediocre as our older generation of cricketers or our media.
The Chennai Super Kings is a success story. It is a success story because it has plenty of good brains behind it. Great ethics, good display of everything needed to be a winning item. The BCCI is not such a good show. It has been around far too long in mediocrity to be suddenly rid of its problems, but it is taking some steps right. The Chennai Super Kings didn't party through the night. Many other teams did. The results are there to show. MS Dhoni, the superb athlete that he is, said the right thing about taking care of the body. He has taken care of his, while the others aren't such shining examples.
The media, rightly admonished by Amitabh Bachchan, should apologize to Dhoni for going overboard with criticism, most of it unwarranted. Our media is full of unprofessional goof ups! From calling Hindi the National Language, to unquestioningly accept that Barack Obama is indeed the USA's first black president, there has been ignorance, apathy, incompetence and sheer stupidity from many of the idiots who fill the idiot box. Compared to this, and our country's 134th position in the Human Development Index, Dhoni and his boys are way, way ahead.
The consummate gentleman that he is, and the intelligent person that he is, MS Dhoni has remained aloof, and even said how quickly things can change from love to hatred with the Indian public. The media is definitely to blame in adding fuel to any flame, whether it is positive or negative, all in the name of getting ratings. But actually, it is more than that. It is a cheap catering to the Indian Mob Mentality, which is there to bash anyone into the ground if that person is not in a position to hit back. We do not attack corrupt politicians that actually affect our lives do we? But we have no problem stoning cricketers' houses, burning effigies and going overboard with our boys who are not even 30 years old!
By the way, the most anti-national act I have ever seen from any cricketer is from Sunil Gavaskar. I respect him for many other things, but there is no way I will forgive him for carrying his bat for 60 overs and scoring 36 not out, in a game in which we were chasing over 300. THAT is the generation that produced the unheroes who tried not to lose too embarrassingly, who paid more attention to their attire than diving for a catch, and that is the lot that led a pampered life, neither setting great expectations nor reaching for great heights, playing less than half the time today's boys do, and losing ten times as many games.
The Indian cricket team of today deserves all the accolades they get. I have no problems with them making millions of any kind of money. I have no problems if they party late into any night, and I have no problem if they get sex from waitresses and adoring female fans at parties. They play great cricket, and that is their dharma, and they know they are good. It isn't easy being #1 or #2 in the world in any sport.
Let's see what we can do to bring our country upto the #1 and #2 spots in ANY other damn field! Till then, shut up about MS Dhoni. He and his boys have already done great for us.
BSK
But it takes a very mean person to unload blame on an individual when a team's performance is involved. It takes a very stupid person to do that when the team is playing a sport, in a tournament in which 11 teams won't win. Clearly, we Indians are in no short supply for mean or stupid people, when 48%, according to a poll on Cricinfo, think Dhoni's errors cost us the World T20, in response to Dhoni's measured reference to IPL after match parties taking a toll on players and resulting fatigue.
Less than two weeks ago, the same MS Dhoni was at the top of his tactical game, when he won the IPL for Chennai Super Kings. It would take some imagination to think he would have drained his acumen on the flight to the Caribbean. Ravi Shastri called India's performance "pathetic", and Madan Lal has accused Dhoni of making "lame excuses". In his young career, MS Dhoni has won more for India than these two clowns could ever dream of. And he's still playing, and playing great, dominant, world beating cricket. Let's not forget it wasn't until Dhoni took over as captain that India reached the #1 spot in Tests and we're almost there in ODIs. I bet some of these bastards will scramble to say Dhoni has the best team India has ever produced! Bless the team when we win and blame the captain when we lose? Some consistency this!
To be capable of scathing criticism, one must be a top performer. Ravi Shastri and Madan Lal were never top performers. Madan Lal used to bowl a little quicker than Anil Kumble, and field like a rabbit with three paws missing. The only reason he didn't look as "pathetic" as he was, was because a certain stalwart by the name of Kapil Dev would be bowling beautifully from the other end. Ravi Shastri was a hopeless grafter who managed to gather fifties and win an Audi in the World Series Cup only because Srikkanth was blazing away at the other end. For these bloodsucking leeches to come out of the woodwork and opportunistically attack MS Dhoni is a new low, but it is very Indian.
South Africa, perhaps the most "professional" outfit in the world, also exited the World T20, in the same stage as India. No fuss. So did the West Indies, and New Zealand, who have hammered India on a few occasions in this format. No fuss. India lose, the country wants to burn Dhoni and his team. The callous way in which our news media makes this look like the team needs some sort of punishment for losing should tell us a lot about our national character. Nobody, including the Padma Shri decorated journalists have an ounce of character that MS Dhoni has. It is time to show him some respect. Win some, lose some, even the mighty Aussies were humbled on a day that belonged to England.
If Dhoni has enough gravity to not blame any individual players, if he has the guts to back young Ravindra Jadeja, and if he stands by his decisions, he can just as easily point to the not too distant past of his captaincy and remind us of the first World T20, beating Australia in Australia, beating South Africa, the West Indies, and the quiet ascendancy to the top of the world rankings and tell everyone to shut up. But he has cautiously and politely got us to examine the excesses of the IPL, that have left players with insufficient rest, and given a gentlemanly wake up call to those running on the assumption that carrying no injury equals fitness and those ignorant of the truth that fitness in competitive sport is having enough in the tank to pull out something extra when needed.
None of our players had anything extra when needed, except the kilos of weight Yuvraj has put on. Dhoni still kept faith in him, for one simple reason - he is a proven match winner. He is the 6-sixer hitter, remember? Our players did their best under the circumstances. Let's not forget that for a moment. The circumstances were however, inclusive of an obligation to party through the night, thanks to that asshole Lalit Modi selling the video rights for those parties for a whopping fifty million dollars! Can he be blamed for this debacle? No! Because he is there precisely to be the super commercial minded asshole missionary that can make the IPL richer! No trouble understanding that, have we?
Now, let's look at this rubbish notion that players are keener on playing in the IPL than for the country? Didn't we all take pride that India's IPL is the richest league in the world? Didn't we all glow in glee with the meteoric rise of the IPL? How un-Indian is the IPL? It is also a part of our cricketing folklore isn't it? How many of us know that the BCCI is a Trust that doesn't pay taxes? That is who our players are playing for, not India, get it? If the trust pays less than an IPL franchise, what's wrong in playing better for the franchise? It is clearly the sensible thing to do, is it not? Even though it may be too much for our pea brains to wrap around, facts are facts.
We want our players to be professionals, so that they get better at what they do. Being professional is about making rational choices, not emotionally clouded ones. Our cricket team is the best 15 we have in this country. We cannot "infuse it with new blood" as Ravi Shastri suggests, since the second tier in quality has some catching up to do. This lot is not old, and is a supremely fit unit, given enough rest. There is enough and more firepower and quality to take us to many more highs. It would be absurd to imagine this lot would suddenly become as mediocre as our older generation of cricketers or our media.
The Chennai Super Kings is a success story. It is a success story because it has plenty of good brains behind it. Great ethics, good display of everything needed to be a winning item. The BCCI is not such a good show. It has been around far too long in mediocrity to be suddenly rid of its problems, but it is taking some steps right. The Chennai Super Kings didn't party through the night. Many other teams did. The results are there to show. MS Dhoni, the superb athlete that he is, said the right thing about taking care of the body. He has taken care of his, while the others aren't such shining examples.
The media, rightly admonished by Amitabh Bachchan, should apologize to Dhoni for going overboard with criticism, most of it unwarranted. Our media is full of unprofessional goof ups! From calling Hindi the National Language, to unquestioningly accept that Barack Obama is indeed the USA's first black president, there has been ignorance, apathy, incompetence and sheer stupidity from many of the idiots who fill the idiot box. Compared to this, and our country's 134th position in the Human Development Index, Dhoni and his boys are way, way ahead.
The consummate gentleman that he is, and the intelligent person that he is, MS Dhoni has remained aloof, and even said how quickly things can change from love to hatred with the Indian public. The media is definitely to blame in adding fuel to any flame, whether it is positive or negative, all in the name of getting ratings. But actually, it is more than that. It is a cheap catering to the Indian Mob Mentality, which is there to bash anyone into the ground if that person is not in a position to hit back. We do not attack corrupt politicians that actually affect our lives do we? But we have no problem stoning cricketers' houses, burning effigies and going overboard with our boys who are not even 30 years old!
By the way, the most anti-national act I have ever seen from any cricketer is from Sunil Gavaskar. I respect him for many other things, but there is no way I will forgive him for carrying his bat for 60 overs and scoring 36 not out, in a game in which we were chasing over 300. THAT is the generation that produced the unheroes who tried not to lose too embarrassingly, who paid more attention to their attire than diving for a catch, and that is the lot that led a pampered life, neither setting great expectations nor reaching for great heights, playing less than half the time today's boys do, and losing ten times as many games.
The Indian cricket team of today deserves all the accolades they get. I have no problems with them making millions of any kind of money. I have no problems if they party late into any night, and I have no problem if they get sex from waitresses and adoring female fans at parties. They play great cricket, and that is their dharma, and they know they are good. It isn't easy being #1 or #2 in the world in any sport.
Let's see what we can do to bring our country upto the #1 and #2 spots in ANY other damn field! Till then, shut up about MS Dhoni. He and his boys have already done great for us.
BSK
22 April 2010
IPLease ask the right questions!
The Indian Premier League has been in the news like a rabid dog peeing all over the neighbourhood for the last few days. It hasn't spared one tree, pole, gate, wall, shrub or blade of grass. It is the same stench everywhere.
First and foremost, this is a test of integrity, and Lalit Modi, who was arrested in the USA for illegal possession of cocaine, isn't a shining beacon of hope on this front. So, let the shady bugger burn - who cares? Let's get this straight - he is no hero. He stole Kapil Dev's business model of the ICL, which was already successful, used the BCCI's lousy officialdom to shut the ICL down, took pride in being "ruthless", and blew up the IPL to where the ICL was rightfully headed. Now, in Karma's lovely way, he's getting it rammed up his lisping arse, and I couldn't be more gleeful. But this is all small snack.
The IT department has been busy "surveying" all the offices of the IPL franchises, as if the fools will find anything in two days that they didn't find in the last three years! We have heard of tax havens and overseas accounts and shady money being laundered through the system and a thousand different people coming under the scanner. For heavens sake, wouldn't the people smart enough to use tax havens in the first place be smart enough to answer all questions? For most part, the structures will be totally legal, just wait and watch. Nothing is going to shake the palace down, for it was already fortified to withstand tremors much bigger than this!
Where are the real questions? Where is the incisive analysis that can get us to the bottom of this veiled chaos?
We are asking questions on why there is so much "foreign money" coming into the IPL. Well, DUH! The auctions were all held in US Dollars, remember, dumbos? Surely, it won't be Sakthi Sugarcane Juice and Mouli's Fancy Shop investing millions of US Dollars! Ask the real question - this is the bloody INDIAN Premier League, and is supposed to be for Indian cricketers and Indian cricket lovers primarily, using OUR players, OUR infrastructure and OUR TV audiences to make money out of. So, why the fuck are the bids in US Dollars and not in Indian Rupees? Is our country's money not good enough for our own league? Where is the national pride in evaluating our worth in US Dollars?
Modi is the kind of rascal that will wag his tail as much as he is allowed to. Cut it, and he will whimper into a corner. Does his tail deserve to be cut? IF he has procured stakes in three franchisees on his behalf through his relatives, then there is a clear case of him owning a stake in the outcome of the matches those franchises play and therefore one can ask why he as IPL commissioner is so freaking happy when Rajasthan wins, or why he should cheer with SRK for Kolkata. Well, now we know. If the outcome of the games played by a few sides can actually bring benefits to Modi, that is a clear conflict of interest. In the absence of precise laws, however, this is something that won't send him to jail straightaway. The part that can make him look worse is how he never mentioned to anyone, even in the BCCI, that he would like to disclose that some friends and relatives of his would own shares in 3 franchises. Simple enough, and would have put him above suspicion, since he declared this potential prickly point.
It was Modi who negotiated the TV rights of the after game parties of the IPL for US$50million. That's a whopping amount of money and Kapil would not have done this. So, is this pure genius? Yes, but it is the genius of the hustler, not the caring entrepreneur. The difference is that the caring entrepreneur will wonder where to draw the line, and whether having all night parties is a good thing for the players and the game and the image that so many role models will project to the world. More than that, he will concern himself with the more fundamental question - if the parties are a wind down routine, then let the boys have a good time, and let's leave them alone.
The hustler will wonder what can happen at the party that can increase the sale price of the voyeuristic rights to this "behind the scenes" record of events. It isn't that creative in any case to get some music going, some women on the floor, and get some booze to flow. Any middle class city kid in India knows to put this sort of party together. This prick is a hustler, period. Let's not shy away from fact. So, here's the second question - how was a hustler chosen to lead the IPL in the first place? The reason could be that he can get a lot of people to believe in his hustle! But the real reason is, and give it to the fox here - hustlers are quick, and someone who can move at Modi's speed is needed to supercharge something like the IPL. That's a plus, especially in India. But the hustler will continue to hustle. You can hire him to build a temple, but please let him not perform the pujas. Lesson to be learnt.
A lot of Indians will be disappointed with the turn of events but not with Modi. Why not? Because Modi is secretly what a lot of Indians wish to be like - dynamic, unstoppable, "ruthless" in his own words, and super successful. India is just starting to see this kind of animal, not because it is new to this land, but now, because of the numbers, we are comparable to the hustlers in other countries, and hence the media attention. Despite all admissions to the contrary, the media loves Lalit Modi. Who else can provide them with so much material to fill the voids of their own existences? Notice how our media always asks questions in reaction to what the guy says, never forcing him to think up something new in response? That is sheer incompetence, and Modi fits right into the scheme.
The BIG escape for the IPL is, and one that is still very much available - it can move outside India. It can take all its franchises and its offices and move to the Cayman Islands. That is just the movement of an office! For some reason, our government doesn't seem to be able to wrap its head around this idea! In this time and age, where your office is registered has very little to do with where you do business. The IPL can exist as a separate entity, merely conducting matches in India, by paying the BCCI, and do ALL its business from Cayman Islands. And it would be thoroughly legal, and in fact, much more efficient. No taxes, no questions asked. Money comes, money goes, everybody is happy. The players get paid, the franchises all see money, TV happens, ads happen, the event happens, and absolutely nothing on the ground needs to change!
This is all about television. Set Max has paid upward of a billion US dollars (what else?) to get the rights for 10 years. What difference does it make to them? The audiences have been beautifully recruited. They are going to watch Set Max no matter where the games are played. Do you think any of them gives a shit where the IPL's office is located? The only problem is, the IPL is under the BCCI, and the BCCI has a few stuck pigeons in it. They will not let the IPL become a separate body. This is what Modi didn't bargain for. Most hustlers have a breaking point and the 26th of April is Modi's breaking point. On that day, all the "offiicialdom" that he used to destroy the ICL will be thrown at him, and he doesn't stand a fucking chance. Poor little rich bitch.
Modi isn't so successful because he is the ultimate hustler. He knows how much competence it will take to catch up with his shenanigans. All this taxman raiding or surveying business is going to wear thin fairly quickly. All it takes is competent Chartered Accountants and the franchises would all have hired great people. Now, the one thing that can blow in his face is this, literally - the explosions in Bangalore that moved the semi finals to Navi Mumbai. The explosions themselves aren't great, but the fact that the Karnataka Police have said that the "betting mafia" was behind the blasts! So, there exists a betting mafia that the Karnataka Police knew about? Of course that begs the next question - what the fuck were you doing if they were not able to just conduct business, but also able to place bombs in the stadium? Fundamental, right?
Some people will get caught, not because the cops are that good, but because the bastards can smell money. Now they have the leverage to extort some big money from the betting mafia. But they will also have to come up with some facts, just to look good, in case the politicians who are no doubt involved, are made to look bad before this cloud blows over.
If the betting mafia spills a few beans, they will necessarily mention Modi by name. Why? Because Modi the hustler trusts only himself at the centre of the dealmaking! So, IF any deal was struck, he struck it, not a lesser clown. It is this style that has led to the allegation that he offered the Kochi franchisees US$50 million to walk away from a deal they won! Imagine offering 50 million to walk away from a deal they pledged to pay 333 millon for! Keep the change, Lisper boy! No wonder they refused. But what is Modi's gall in making that offer? The veiled threat is that the outcome of the Kochi franchise's future would be in Modi's hand, and he could make life miserable for them. So, this is like doing business with the devil, and the devil himself wants to give you money so he can do business with someone else instead. Luckily, the Gaikwads were no pushover, and they stuck to their deal.
Shashi Tharoor remains an enigma in this story. It's completely believable that the interest he took in Kerala cricket prompted him to make the phone calls asking why there was a delay with the Kochi franchise, and it is completely believable that his friend Sunanda Pushkar was merely introduced by him to help them out. If Tharoor has anything to do with the unleashing of the taxmen on all IPL affairs, then, good for him! That won't accomplish anything if everybody has been paying taxes properly, but it shows he won't hesitate to see how you look under a cloud of suspicion. After all, that's what Modi did to him - put him under a cloud of suspicion and made him resign! What Modi doesn't have the sense to think about is that a resigned man has a lot of time on his hands - and we know whose workshop an idle mind is.
Our media needs to learn to ask the right questions, the incisive ones, the uncomfortable ones that will bring something new to light and make us think about everything in a new way. Instead, fools, even the assholes with Padma Shris, ask dumb questions like "Is the image of cricket tarnished?". Well, fuck, duh! Who doesn't know the answer to this one? Like we're a philosophical society given to discussing the impact of religiousness without a proportionate influx of agnostic spiritualism! We're passive aggressive, gossip loving dumb jerks who love to see people go down. But let's know why someone went down and how we contributed to the system that put him up in the first place! Let's learn to take some responsibility. Let's learn to freaking wake the fuck up and ask the right questions.
BSK.
First and foremost, this is a test of integrity, and Lalit Modi, who was arrested in the USA for illegal possession of cocaine, isn't a shining beacon of hope on this front. So, let the shady bugger burn - who cares? Let's get this straight - he is no hero. He stole Kapil Dev's business model of the ICL, which was already successful, used the BCCI's lousy officialdom to shut the ICL down, took pride in being "ruthless", and blew up the IPL to where the ICL was rightfully headed. Now, in Karma's lovely way, he's getting it rammed up his lisping arse, and I couldn't be more gleeful. But this is all small snack.
The IT department has been busy "surveying" all the offices of the IPL franchises, as if the fools will find anything in two days that they didn't find in the last three years! We have heard of tax havens and overseas accounts and shady money being laundered through the system and a thousand different people coming under the scanner. For heavens sake, wouldn't the people smart enough to use tax havens in the first place be smart enough to answer all questions? For most part, the structures will be totally legal, just wait and watch. Nothing is going to shake the palace down, for it was already fortified to withstand tremors much bigger than this!
Where are the real questions? Where is the incisive analysis that can get us to the bottom of this veiled chaos?
We are asking questions on why there is so much "foreign money" coming into the IPL. Well, DUH! The auctions were all held in US Dollars, remember, dumbos? Surely, it won't be Sakthi Sugarcane Juice and Mouli's Fancy Shop investing millions of US Dollars! Ask the real question - this is the bloody INDIAN Premier League, and is supposed to be for Indian cricketers and Indian cricket lovers primarily, using OUR players, OUR infrastructure and OUR TV audiences to make money out of. So, why the fuck are the bids in US Dollars and not in Indian Rupees? Is our country's money not good enough for our own league? Where is the national pride in evaluating our worth in US Dollars?
Modi is the kind of rascal that will wag his tail as much as he is allowed to. Cut it, and he will whimper into a corner. Does his tail deserve to be cut? IF he has procured stakes in three franchisees on his behalf through his relatives, then there is a clear case of him owning a stake in the outcome of the matches those franchises play and therefore one can ask why he as IPL commissioner is so freaking happy when Rajasthan wins, or why he should cheer with SRK for Kolkata. Well, now we know. If the outcome of the games played by a few sides can actually bring benefits to Modi, that is a clear conflict of interest. In the absence of precise laws, however, this is something that won't send him to jail straightaway. The part that can make him look worse is how he never mentioned to anyone, even in the BCCI, that he would like to disclose that some friends and relatives of his would own shares in 3 franchises. Simple enough, and would have put him above suspicion, since he declared this potential prickly point.
It was Modi who negotiated the TV rights of the after game parties of the IPL for US$50million. That's a whopping amount of money and Kapil would not have done this. So, is this pure genius? Yes, but it is the genius of the hustler, not the caring entrepreneur. The difference is that the caring entrepreneur will wonder where to draw the line, and whether having all night parties is a good thing for the players and the game and the image that so many role models will project to the world. More than that, he will concern himself with the more fundamental question - if the parties are a wind down routine, then let the boys have a good time, and let's leave them alone.
The hustler will wonder what can happen at the party that can increase the sale price of the voyeuristic rights to this "behind the scenes" record of events. It isn't that creative in any case to get some music going, some women on the floor, and get some booze to flow. Any middle class city kid in India knows to put this sort of party together. This prick is a hustler, period. Let's not shy away from fact. So, here's the second question - how was a hustler chosen to lead the IPL in the first place? The reason could be that he can get a lot of people to believe in his hustle! But the real reason is, and give it to the fox here - hustlers are quick, and someone who can move at Modi's speed is needed to supercharge something like the IPL. That's a plus, especially in India. But the hustler will continue to hustle. You can hire him to build a temple, but please let him not perform the pujas. Lesson to be learnt.
A lot of Indians will be disappointed with the turn of events but not with Modi. Why not? Because Modi is secretly what a lot of Indians wish to be like - dynamic, unstoppable, "ruthless" in his own words, and super successful. India is just starting to see this kind of animal, not because it is new to this land, but now, because of the numbers, we are comparable to the hustlers in other countries, and hence the media attention. Despite all admissions to the contrary, the media loves Lalit Modi. Who else can provide them with so much material to fill the voids of their own existences? Notice how our media always asks questions in reaction to what the guy says, never forcing him to think up something new in response? That is sheer incompetence, and Modi fits right into the scheme.
The BIG escape for the IPL is, and one that is still very much available - it can move outside India. It can take all its franchises and its offices and move to the Cayman Islands. That is just the movement of an office! For some reason, our government doesn't seem to be able to wrap its head around this idea! In this time and age, where your office is registered has very little to do with where you do business. The IPL can exist as a separate entity, merely conducting matches in India, by paying the BCCI, and do ALL its business from Cayman Islands. And it would be thoroughly legal, and in fact, much more efficient. No taxes, no questions asked. Money comes, money goes, everybody is happy. The players get paid, the franchises all see money, TV happens, ads happen, the event happens, and absolutely nothing on the ground needs to change!
This is all about television. Set Max has paid upward of a billion US dollars (what else?) to get the rights for 10 years. What difference does it make to them? The audiences have been beautifully recruited. They are going to watch Set Max no matter where the games are played. Do you think any of them gives a shit where the IPL's office is located? The only problem is, the IPL is under the BCCI, and the BCCI has a few stuck pigeons in it. They will not let the IPL become a separate body. This is what Modi didn't bargain for. Most hustlers have a breaking point and the 26th of April is Modi's breaking point. On that day, all the "offiicialdom" that he used to destroy the ICL will be thrown at him, and he doesn't stand a fucking chance. Poor little rich bitch.
Modi isn't so successful because he is the ultimate hustler. He knows how much competence it will take to catch up with his shenanigans. All this taxman raiding or surveying business is going to wear thin fairly quickly. All it takes is competent Chartered Accountants and the franchises would all have hired great people. Now, the one thing that can blow in his face is this, literally - the explosions in Bangalore that moved the semi finals to Navi Mumbai. The explosions themselves aren't great, but the fact that the Karnataka Police have said that the "betting mafia" was behind the blasts! So, there exists a betting mafia that the Karnataka Police knew about? Of course that begs the next question - what the fuck were you doing if they were not able to just conduct business, but also able to place bombs in the stadium? Fundamental, right?
Some people will get caught, not because the cops are that good, but because the bastards can smell money. Now they have the leverage to extort some big money from the betting mafia. But they will also have to come up with some facts, just to look good, in case the politicians who are no doubt involved, are made to look bad before this cloud blows over.
If the betting mafia spills a few beans, they will necessarily mention Modi by name. Why? Because Modi the hustler trusts only himself at the centre of the dealmaking! So, IF any deal was struck, he struck it, not a lesser clown. It is this style that has led to the allegation that he offered the Kochi franchisees US$50 million to walk away from a deal they won! Imagine offering 50 million to walk away from a deal they pledged to pay 333 millon for! Keep the change, Lisper boy! No wonder they refused. But what is Modi's gall in making that offer? The veiled threat is that the outcome of the Kochi franchise's future would be in Modi's hand, and he could make life miserable for them. So, this is like doing business with the devil, and the devil himself wants to give you money so he can do business with someone else instead. Luckily, the Gaikwads were no pushover, and they stuck to their deal.
Shashi Tharoor remains an enigma in this story. It's completely believable that the interest he took in Kerala cricket prompted him to make the phone calls asking why there was a delay with the Kochi franchise, and it is completely believable that his friend Sunanda Pushkar was merely introduced by him to help them out. If Tharoor has anything to do with the unleashing of the taxmen on all IPL affairs, then, good for him! That won't accomplish anything if everybody has been paying taxes properly, but it shows he won't hesitate to see how you look under a cloud of suspicion. After all, that's what Modi did to him - put him under a cloud of suspicion and made him resign! What Modi doesn't have the sense to think about is that a resigned man has a lot of time on his hands - and we know whose workshop an idle mind is.
Our media needs to learn to ask the right questions, the incisive ones, the uncomfortable ones that will bring something new to light and make us think about everything in a new way. Instead, fools, even the assholes with Padma Shris, ask dumb questions like "Is the image of cricket tarnished?". Well, fuck, duh! Who doesn't know the answer to this one? Like we're a philosophical society given to discussing the impact of religiousness without a proportionate influx of agnostic spiritualism! We're passive aggressive, gossip loving dumb jerks who love to see people go down. But let's know why someone went down and how we contributed to the system that put him up in the first place! Let's learn to take some responsibility. Let's learn to freaking wake the fuck up and ask the right questions.
BSK.
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